*hugs* Annie. I can't imagine how hard and stressful that must be right now. Keeping hoping though, it sounds like the signs are all good, and besides, what are you without hope?
I think I've mentioned it before, but I write in an online journal, and I got a note on an entry a few weeks back, actually from a ready who is also here on MDC, that really hit me, she said
"It's hard and it's only going to get harder and more empty feeling every 2 weeks. Those 7 months it took to get Xander were the worst emotional roller coaster I've ever been on. Embrace how much it hurts and keep yourself productively busy. *BIG HUG* It will happen one day, I promise!"
And it's funny, but it helped a lot, because in a lot of ways it was the first time someone had actually said it was okay to be emotional about all of it. So much of the time we're 'told' that getting pregnant is just supposed to be this quiet thing where you don't really talk about it or feel it until it's public. But that's not realistic. And so I'm trying to embrace the idea of just FEELING it. Whatever it is, if it's fanaticly happy and hopeful, or if it's tuck myself in bed all weekend and mope-- I'm just allowing myself to embrace the feelings and emotions, and reminding myself that it's ok and I'm allowed to. It's funny, but it's made this month so much easier. I think that's part of why I've been absent. I keep reading every post, but it was working nicely for me to be back from it a bit, with my own emotions.
I'm pretty sure I o'ed yesterday, and we held back from dtd just for the sole purpose of getting pregnant. I don't want to look back on a pregnancy and think "yeah i didn't even want to have sex, but we forced ourselves to anyways." it's just something I'm trying to avoid, so I'm glad I stuck with that, as we've been getting a little bit more antsy with it than I wanted. We didn't have a great timing month at all, somehow it feels like the month just started, and I don't know where time went, so I'm somehow ok with it. If it doesn't happen this month, maybe next. So now the waiting time starts, however I have plenty to keep myself. Also, I think having a barel readable chart should help me for a few less days of freakout. Next week would be perfectly timed for me to start my maniacal planning and squeeing. lol.
Anyways, I just wanted to update everything, I'm not sure if I'll keep updating or if I'll wait some more time. I guess we'll see how I feel!
And for good measure: