So upset....leaving 1 child out of a brithday party?! - Page 9

[mamazee]

I don't think this is an issue of what the school should do. No, the school can't tell people who they can or have to invite to a party. It's just an etiquette issue. If you're inviting almost everyone in a class, or almost all the girls, the polite thing to do is invite that other person so no one is left out. Though that's more of a clear etiquette issue when it's 19 out of 20 than when it's 2 out of 3, for sure. And then the second etiquette issue is not making it obvious to kids not invited to a party that there is a party at all, and picking up the kids from preschool with discussions of the party they're going to breaks that as well. It's unkind.

[velochic]

Originally Posted by mommahhh

I just want to say THANK YOU so much to all those who allowed me to vent my shock/frustration/pain here. I appreciate your kindness and I am so happy there are decent people in the world.

I had no idea this thread would create such a stir or controversy. I thought it was universally agreed that it is wrong for adults to harm children on purpose, be that physically or emotionally. And believe me when I say that my child was emotionally hurt by the actions of this adult, very unnecessarily (given all that I have since learned from the other mothers). I won't be responding anymore here because yes, it does get me a bit riled up and I really just want to move past the entire issue. I have a plan in place to make sure my daughter does not feel excluded at her very small school overall. I certainly don't want this to blow up into a chronic issue.

Since I'm "signing off", I will end by saying that I tried hard to stay calm in this thread, but if I'm being completely honest I can only hope that some of you on this thread aren't truly as cruel and callous in real life as you have portrayed here in words. But I have a sinking feeling you may be, since obviously the mom of my DD's classmate is as well.

Whether you come back or not... I think it needs to be said that not agreeing with you does not make people "not decent" nor does it make us cruel and callous. Perhaps you should take a dose of your own medicine. Are you any better than "that mother" when you make statements such as you are?

[dida17]

I know this discussion has been long, and I didn't get a chance to read it all, I did read the first dozen or so posts though. As a young girl I was often invited to birthday paties where i wasn't really good friends with the girls who's birthday it was. Quite frankly, I think I was just invited because I should have been, to be nice. I never enjoyed these parties, because once there I was excluded and treated bad by the clique that didn't want me there. Cruel, so cruel. But sometimes I wonder if it was better if I hadn't even been at those parties. I do have wonderful memories of parties of true friends.

Maybe those 3 girls spend alot of time together, sleepovers, play dates on the weekends. So they just wanted to have those three girls.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I do not look forward to the day that I have to feel these things about my own kids. Mine are only 3yrs and 9 mths right now, so we haven't had any crappy experiences like this.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by dida17

Maybe those 3 girls spend alot of time together, sleepovers, play dates on the weekends. So they just wanted to have those three girls.

I think this is probable, esp since the invitations were verbal. The mom must spend enough time together to talk, likely because their girls spend a lot of time together.

BUT--in a class of only 4 girls, when 3 of them are an established "group", that is all the more reason for the adults to be proactive about making sure the 4th girl is accepted into the fold.

[Dr.Worm]

Originally Posted by MamaHappy

It is one thing for a 7 year old to exclude someone, but I am appalled that the mother would allow this behavior. Wow....just wow. I totally feel your pain OP. The whole thing is pretty ridiculous.

Exactly. A kid can't learn empathy from a mom who has none...so sad.

[sunnmama]

A point on the boy/girl alleged exclusion--

Is it possible that there are children who don't know that [insert: boys/girls] have cooties???

I'm being silly.....mostly. My dd does, in fact, have some friends who are boys. But it is developmentally normal for kids to prefer friends of their own gender in the elementary school ages. Parents might not always get it, but usually the kids do.

Apparently, there is even an evolutionary theory about why boys have cooties

[Dr.Worm]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

I don't know how to quote multiple people so I will paraphrase the other poster who said they were mean because of their "large incomes".

I don't see how either of these things can be gleaned from this story...

Having said that, OP I am so sorry this happened for you dd. I know her life isn't ruined and she'll have other good times, but it stings so badly. At my son's 9th b-day NO ONE came to his party. No one called or R.S.V.P.'d either. It was such a painful day for all of us.

I can't believe that happened to your son. That is so mean. I'm sorry.

[Dr.Worm]

Originally Posted by childsplay

This happened to my DS when he was 5. His twin sister was invited to a birthday party of a girl in their nursery school class. THE MOTHER even told me - to my face- that it was a girl's only party.
So we thought, no big deal, DS was totally fine with it (because it was a girls party)
So DS is in the car when I'm dropping off DD and who comes running up the sidewalk? His two best friends. BOYS. With gifts. Then a couple more pull in as we're leaving.
I found out the next day that it was only DS that wasn't invited.
He was so sad, and didn't understand why, he even said 'maybe I'm not nice enough or something....' : (
Anyway, just before summer the mother asked me for my number so her jerky kid could have playdates with DD. As if. I just said "no....I don't think so..." and walked away. (and felt pretty good too)

Sorry you're going through this....kids (and parents) can be really cruel sometimes.

Wow...also unbelieveable. WTF is wrong with people???

[WifeofAnt]

Originally Posted by dida17

As a young girl I was often invited to birthday paties where i wasn't really good friends with the girls who's birthday it was. Quite frankly, I think I was just invited because I should have been, to be nice. I never enjoyed these parties, because once there I was excluded and treated bad by the clique that didn't want me there. Cruel, so cruel. But sometimes I wonder if it was better if I hadn't even been at those parties. I do have wonderful memories of parties of true friends.

That was my general experience too. I would have much rather been invited to one party I was wanted at than a handful of ones I was invited to 'just because'.

[Autumn Breeze]

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