Handling people's questions - Page 2

[camprunner]

Who is my doctor? Mine is a legal midwife this time so I'd just give her name and people would probably just be like "Oh, I've not heard of her." If they have then I'm assuming that they are probably supportive of homebirth. If she isn't legal, you might just say, "Oh, I'm using one from______. You probably haven't heard of her."

Where are you delivering? The local hospital has the name of our county in it. So I just say the name of the county and they assume that I am using that hospital.

Are you finding out the gender? No, we want it to be a surprise

My point is, be as vague as possible. Don't offer up information you don't feel comfortable offering just because it was asked. I didn't lie in any of my above responses, I just kept it vague enough that they would assume what they wanted. Homebirth doesn't really cross the minds of most people.

[babymango]

I tend to just tell the truth. Yes, many people are ignorant about midwives and HBs, but how is lying about it going to help things? I keep my answers simple, but I figure the more moms talk about it, the more mainstream it will (eventually) become.

[kawa kamuri]

Originally Posted by babymango

I tend to just tell the truth. Yes, many people are ignorant about midwives and HBs, but how is lying about it going to help things? I keep my answers simple, but I figure the more moms talk about it, the more mainstream it will (eventually) become.

When I had my 1st three kids I didn't even know people still had babies at home. My father was born at home in Spain but that's all I knew of homebirth. I didn't have internet access. It would have been such a blessing to have that seed planted in my mind. I think it's doing such a great service to be honest about my birth plans.

[Caryliz]

Originally Posted by babymango

I tend to just tell the truth. Yes, many people are ignorant about midwives and HBs, but how is lying about it going to help things? I keep my answers simple, but I figure the more moms talk about it, the more mainstream it will (eventually) become.

[camprunner]

Originally Posted by babymango

I tend to just tell the truth. Yes, many people are ignorant about midwives and HBs, but how is lying about it going to help things? I keep my answers simple, but I figure the more moms talk about it, the more mainstream it will (eventually) become.

Last time we were completely open and honest about the home birth but probably not until the last month or two. We had people from the church show up with food and then once they were in, they walked all over our house without permission looking for evidence of a birth (or something; I don't know but it was odd and invasive). There was no evidence. The midwife had cleaned it all up Mostly we are going to use the evasive answers this time the WHOLE time unless we know the people are supportive of homebirth. Luckily we now have a whole community of people we know of who are. No one said anything negative to us before hand (well except the horror stories but I really just thought they were telling me their personal birth experiences; silly me) and then to have people show up and walk all over my house bedrooms included without my permission....it was just too much within hours of birth (wasn't my idea to call them either but someone had offered to watch dd and dh called to let them know the baby was here and word spread like wildfire).

Also due to the above we will not be permitting visitors even if they have million dollar check and a freezer full of food in their hands for the first month.

[TabithaB]

I just told people that I was preregistered at xyz hospital.  And I am not a big liar (a horrible liar actually) so I could be truthful.  I was actually preregistered at xyz hospital in case of transfer.  People usually don't dig too much further than that.  They are usually asking as small talk anyways.  And there are hospital midwives so that generally doesn't raise any eyebrows either.  I just left the HB thing out of it unless I wanted to discuss it.

FYI.  I did have to transfer so preregistering was a huge help. 

[margarettim]

Well, it might help to point out that in other countries, e.g. the UK midwifery care is the norm for a healthy pregnancy. You don't get to see an OB unless there is a problem. When I was pregnant  and planning a homebirth in the UK, I usually said that I would like to birth at home if all was well. (It was). I never had a negative reaction, people just said that I was brave:- . For me going into the hospital is hard, not birthing at home.

[macandcheese]

Originally Posted by babymango 

I tend to just tell the truth. Yes, many people are ignorant about midwives and HBs, but how is lying about it going to help things? I keep my answers simple, but I figure the more moms talk about it, the more mainstream it will (eventually) become.

This exactly!

[TabithaB]

Originally Posted by babymango 

I tend to just tell the truth. Yes, many people are ignorant about midwives and HBs, but how is lying about it going to help things? I keep my answers simple, but I figure the more moms talk about it, the more mainstream it will (eventually) become.

Yeah that, but I did find that it is nice to pick and choose you want to have the conversation with.  It is just not worth it with some people.  Some people are just going to add to your stress level no matter what you tell them. 
 

[Xenopus]

Interesting question. I work FT.  Baby #1 was born in the hospital in Texas, but baby #2 was a planned home birth here in Wisconsin.  I kept pretty quiet about it because I didn't want to listen to a lot of nay-sayers and a lot of garbage here at work.  People say the silliest things, you know?  I didn't want anyone messing with my confidence.

Baby #2 ended up a hospital transfer and a C/S for breech positioning.  I was totally bummed and I didn't have to explain to the mainstream people at work (who practically expect every other birth to be a C/S).  It was nice not to have to talk about it very much.

Now, Baby #3 is coming in in January, and I am planning an HBAC.  This time I am totally out of the closet at work because I just don't give a crap what they think.  In fact, it's good for people to see other perspectives and feel uncomfortable, and be confronted with different viewpoints and different ideas.  Bottom line, it's not their body, not their business, and not their choice. I'm so glad to have found that the midwives I love will do primary HBAC now that nothing that some idiot says could bother me.

So, Momma, I've been there and felt both ways.  It depends on your comfort level.  It's good for the HB community for "regular folks" to see that educated, respected, thoughtful, compassionate members of the community disagree with the mechanized model of hospital birth... we probably change more minds than we know.  That said, it's your business.   Take care of yourself!  That's what this is all about.

with respect,
Xen