Coping when your values just don't seem to fit in with society...

[Bena]

whoo...I realize that sounds like such a heavy topic, but it is weighing on me alot these days. I debated posting this in personal growth; I'm just not sure if it's a parenting issue or a "me" issue, IYKWIM.

Anyways, these days, it just feels like people are getting increasingly close-minded, judgemental, and flat out mean.
It really seems that the values that are important for my DH and I, and that we've grown with in our respective families are not the ones of the society these days. It makes me sad, angry, confused, of course, but now that we are raising a child, it scares me even more. how can we bring up a child in a society that just doesn't seem to fit with what we feel and believe?
i have friends who have simply stopped listening to the news, which obviously works, but really, is that the solution? cutting yourself from the world like that?

Thoughts?

[SnowSparrow]

I sympathize with you so much. I don't have any answers. We're one of those families that just stopped listening to the news too; my heart can't take it when I see the stuff going on in the world. The violence, the anger, the nastiness flung at each other. We're in a sleepy little corner of the country in a little town that's wonderfully accepting and loving. But it never fails to shock me, the depravity and level of hatred people have for each other in the "outside world." And even here, to a degree.

If you're on the fence about doing as your friends do and shutting off the news - try it. For a week, a month, whatever. Try it. I did and I'm so glad. I've found that I don't need to be tuned in to "the world" 24/7. I was a news junkie up until about 10 years ago, when my oldest started getting anxious every time we'd turn the TV on. Since, I've found I can read up on real, relevant world events in papers and online, and filter out the garbage - the political stories from the US that manage to get reported on more than our own up here, the repeat-reel of the latest child danger story that people forget is only newsworthy because it's incredibly rare, the health scares and panics, the time given to true human trash like those creepazoids who protest dead soldiers' funerals. I'm happier without hearing that stuff. It's not relevant to me. What is relevant, I can read at my own leisure and only need to see as much of it as I desire, not constant reel of it.

Being willfully ignorant is never a good thing, unfortunately those hateful and antagonistic people do exist and we have to acknowledge them, but that doesn't mean we have to listen to/about them all the time. You don't have to let it take over your psyche. The world really isn't such a bad place when you look around, the TV just makes it seem that way

Good luck and I hope you find the peace you're looking for.

[isisreturning]

Parenting our children peacefully does feel like an act of political resistance some days. There just doesn't seem to be a lot of mainstream support for loving, tender-hearted, nurturing families. Which makes me so, so sad.

Speaking only for myself, I think our sustained years of actual war, the ideological "war on terror," and the collapse of our ill-built economy has put a terrible strain on our national sense of goodwill and optimism. It's fostered a sense of competition and aggressiveness where none is needed.

And I don't watch the news either because it makes me feel crazy, but I have found a few blogs and websites (like MDC) where I feel a sense of community and connection to what matters.

Hugs

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by Bena

whoo...I realize that sounds like such a heavy topic, but it is weighing on me alot these days. I debated posting this in personal growth; I'm just not sure if it's a parenting issue or a "me" issue, IYKWIM.

Anyways, these days, it just feels like people are getting increasingly close-minded, judgemental, and flat out mean.
It really seems that the values that are important for my DH and I, and that we've grown with in our respective families are not the ones of the society these days. It makes me sad, angry, confused, of course, but now that we are raising a child, it scares me even more. how can we bring up a child in a society that just doesn't seem to fit with what we feel and believe?
i have friends who have simply stopped listening to the news, which obviously works, but really, is that the solution? cutting yourself from the world like that?

Thoughts?

You bring up your children in the context of society.

It's a cliche, but your babies are the future of society. What you teach them MATTERS. How you treat them MATTERS.

Society changes as the people within it change. As a parent, one of the most important things you will do will be to instill in your child the values you envision for a future society. And that's a BIG thing. By shaping a child, you shape the world.

If you don't believe it, think of how far we HAVE come in just a few generations. In our grandparent's time, we still did not have legal equality for different races. And while racism is far from stomped out, our society has made HUGE changes in the past two generations. And that is because people began teaching their children not to hate based on prejudice.


I agree with "cutting yourself from the world" not being the best response. Instead, talk to your children about the world, and what is wrong with it, and how to make it better.

My mom has a quote cut out and stuck on her fridge: "When Mother Teresa was asked how to best promote world peace, she replied 'Go home and love your family.'"

Be active in your neighborhood. Teach your children love.

[KempsMama]

Originally Posted by Kelly1101

You bring up your children in the context of society.

It's a cliche, but your babies are the future of society. What you teach them MATTERS. How you treat them MATTERS.

Society changes as the people within it change. As a parent, one of the most important things you will do will be to instill in your child the values you envision for a future society. And that's a BIG thing. By shaping a child, you shape the world.

If you don't believe it, think of how far we HAVE come in just a few generations. In our grandparent's time, we still did not have legal equality for different races. And while racism is far from stomped out, our society has made HUGE changes in the past two generations. And that is because people began teaching their children not to hate based on prejudice.


I agree with "cutting yourself from the world" not being the best response. Instead, talk to your children about the world, and what is wrong with it, and how to make it better.

My mom has a quote cut out and stuck on her fridge: "When Mother Teresa was asked how to best promote world peace, she replied 'Go home and love your family.'"

Be active in your neighborhood. Teach your children love.

I totally agree with your post.

My DH and I hold views that are not popular. In fact we hold many values dear that society tells us are wrong to hold! We are a devout family, and both are neighbors are anti-Catholic, as are many of our friends and family. Some people we have cut out of our life. Some we just don't discuss things with, and yet most of them are still close to us, even though they think we are fanatics I'm sure.

I've been cornered many a times because of my beliefs. I think the most important thing I can do for my children is to teach them WHY we believe what we believe, why others don't agree with us, and how to defend our beliefs against those people.

I know you weren't specifically speaking about faith, but since nearly everything I do as a parent is based on my faith, that's what it all boils down to for me.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Well, compared to 20 years ago, to me it seems there is a lot MORE support for our values and lifestyle. I mean, 20 years ago, if you let your child sleep in your bed and let them nurse until they self-weaned, everyone would have thought you were a pervert. Now there are whole forums dedicated to both those things, and more! You can talk about those things now.

These days, if children were treated the way my brother and I were, CPS would be involved. The chances of that happening back then were extremely unlikely (and it should have happened).

The world is so large, so diverse, so wonderful... that you can find support for whatever you think and whatever you do and however you want to raise your family. I think its a matter mainly of adjusting what you are looking at - sounds like right now, its easiest for you to find evidence of how everyone is against your values. But if you were to shift to looking for evidence of how much support there is for your values, I'll bet you'll find just as much, if not more.

[Dr.Worm]

Originally Posted by Kelly1101

You bring up your children in the context of society.

It's a cliche, but your babies are the future of society. What you teach them MATTERS. How you treat them MATTERS.

Society changes as the people within it change. As a parent, one of the most important things you will do will be to instill in your child the values you envision for a future society. And that's a BIG thing. By shaping a child, you shape the world.

If you don't believe it, think of how far we HAVE come in just a few generations. In our grandparent's time, we still did not have legal equality for different races. And while racism is far from stomped out, our society has made HUGE changes in the past two generations. And that is because people began teaching their children not to hate based on prejudice.


I agree with "cutting yourself from the world" not being the best response. Instead, talk to your children about the world, and what is wrong with it, and how to make it better.

My mom has a quote cut out and stuck on her fridge: "When Mother Teresa was asked how to best promote world peace, she replied 'Go home and love your family.'"

Be active in your neighborhood. Teach your children love.

This is sooo true!!! That's why I know attachment parenting is right. My mom agress with it too and says "parenting with love is never wrong." The world is so selfish and I agree that the best way to change the world is to start at home. Some people may not buy that but I don't care. It makes perfect sense. If a child is taught from babyhood that they are loved and special and that they will always have unconditional love and if they are taught to love and respect others no matter what race or religion they are then they will grow up and teach their kids the same. People look at you like you are weird if you want to be with your kids and if you don't hit them or yell at them. But look how great our society has become with those sorts of techniques. I love the book The Successful Child by Dr. Sears. He really touches on this idea.

[chaoticzenmom]

We don't watch the news either and it does help. When I moved to France, I had such a strong feeling of safety. I realized that it was because I did not watch the news there. So, we no longer watch it. It's not an accurate portrayal of real life.

[physmom]

Originally Posted by Kelly1101

You bring up your children in the context of society.

It's a cliche, but your babies are the future of society. What you teach them MATTERS. How you treat them MATTERS.

Society changes as the people within it change. As a parent, one of the most important things you will do will be to instill in your child the values you envision for a future society. And that's a BIG thing. By shaping a child, you shape the world.

If you don't believe it, think of how far we HAVE come in just a few generations. In our grandparent's time, we still did not have legal equality for different races. And while racism is far from stomped out, our society has made HUGE changes in the past two generations. And that is because people began teaching their children not to hate based on prejudice.


I agree with "cutting yourself from the world" not being the best response. Instead, talk to your children about the world, and what is wrong with it, and how to make it better.

My mom has a quote cut out and stuck on her fridge: "When Mother Teresa was asked how to best promote world peace, she replied 'Go home and love your family.'"

Be active in your neighborhood. Teach your children love.

I honestly think society has come a long way when it comes to human rights. It's FAR from perfect but at least segregation and discrimination are not legal. Slavery is illegal. We get to elect our leaders and are no longer subject to monarchies (well at least not all powerful ones). It's a long process but I do see us going forward.

That being said we are raising the next generation and what we do matters. Raising our children with loving and kindness will help to pass it forward. I don't think cutting yourself off from society is the answer at all. It might make your microcosm of a family feel better better for a time but eventually your children will grow up and need to enter the real world. Rather I think it makes more sense to prepare them by helping them deal with tough situations, guiding them on how to be loving and kind regardless of the situation. Setting a good example for our kids is a major first step in the right direction.

[sewchris2642]

Originally Posted by Kelly1101

You bring up your children in the context of society.

It's a cliche, but your babies are the future of society. What you teach them MATTERS. How you treat them MATTERS.

Society changes as the people within it change. As a parent, one of the most important things you will do will be to instill in your child the values you envision for a future society. And that's a BIG thing. By shaping a child, you shape the world.

If you don't believe it, think of how far we HAVE come in just a few generations. In our grandparent's time, we still did not have legal equality for different races. And while racism is far from stomped out, our society has made HUGE changes in the past two generations. And that is because people began teaching their children not to hate based on prejudice.


I agree with "cutting yourself from the world" not being the best response. Instead, talk to your children about the world, and what is wrong with it, and how to make it better.

My mom has a quote cut out and stuck on her fridge: "When Mother Teresa was asked how to best promote world peace, she replied 'Go home and love your family.'"

Be active in your neighborhood. Teach your children love.