"Self-pleasuring" stimming in public

[isisreturning]

My 3.5 year old SN DD does a lot of stimming "down there" - rubbing against straps, the chair, grocery store cart, whatever. I don't care except it's a little awkward/uncomfortable when she does it in public or around guests.

She looks like a neurotypical 3 year old but she has low expressive/receptive language skills - more like that of a 12 - 15 month old.

Any ideas about IF I should try to manage her self-pleasuring behavior, and if so, HOW? Or ideas about what to say (if anything) when others notice her doing it and seem uncomfortable about it?

I'm just nervous that the older/bigger she gets, the more awkward and uncomfortable that whole situation is going to be.

With my neurotypical DS, I was able to explain that "that" was a private activity he should do by himself when others aren't around. Not sure how to handle it with DD...

[LauraReaux]

I totally know how you feel. I actually logged in to see if anyone else has an answer for this. My 7-year-old son does the same thing & always has. He doesn't even notice it most of the time, so our key phrase is "hands off" (or motion hands up, as if letting go, if we're in a quiet place) and he lets go right away. I just hope he can learn to pay attention and control it very soon. He's 7!

[NataliaI]

I'd approach this just as you would for any other child. Use simple words that indicate that that area is private. Offer an alternative fidget toy.

[KCMichigan]

I would also use age appropriate language to explain it is an activity for 'private' or to do in their room. Right now , she may not get it- but it will lay the groundwork for later years if it is still a concern.

Try to keep her hands busy with something else and have clothing on her that does not allow easy access. If all else fails, redirect her everytime she does it with a more socially acceptable behavior (play toy, snack,chew toy, talking to her, etc).

Although I *would* check and make sure she does not have a low level yeast infection or /rash. One of my DDs only does this when she only has a rash.

[amandanmv]

DS has done this for a while. He's almost 5. I've tried explaining that it's something we only do in private and have asked him to only do it in his bedroom, but nothing worked. After a year of telling him not to do it in public or that it wasn't appropriate other than his room, I gave up. If we're in public and I notice him doing it, I just remove his hands from his pants and keep going. Sometimes I have to do it several times.

[Petie1104]

BTDT. DD also has receptive/expressive language disorder, on top of Aspergers. At any rate, we had the same issues. So, all we did was say, "that is private" then removed her from the room at home. If you get it under control at home, where she knows it isn't to be done around anyone there, then the behavior in public tends to go away as well.

So, what I'm saying is this, don't focus on the "in public" part of the issue. Focus on the fact that it's private so even at home must be limited to bedroom and bathroom. This eliminated our issues in public. With that said, it was by no means quick. It took a LOOOONG time for her to get it, but she did eventually catch on. The less she did it in the living areas at home, the less she did it in public places. Once we had eliminated it completely in the living areas at home, it was eliminated completely in public places.


Hang in there.

[isisreturning]

Thanks everyone.

She doesn't use her hands (yet). She just grinds her pelvis against the chair (or the car seat buckle, or the bar between the leg holes in the grocery cart seat).

I'll start moving her to her room when I see her doing that at home. She doesn't understand the concept of "private" yet, but maybe simple association of "oh, every time I grind, Mom moves me to my room" will help her learn to keep that behavior limited to her room.

I'll see if I can redirect her while in public. She's very persistent/stubborn/hard to redirect and she could care less about what others think of her.

She's still in diapers so I see her genital area daily. There doesn't seem to be any sign of infection/cause for itchiness. She pees in the potty sometimes and it doesn't seem to hurt when she pees. She's done this grinding behavior pretty much daily for over a year. I'm pretty sure it just feels good and that's why she does it.

[NataliaI]

One more thing: there are homeopathic remedies that list mastrubation in children as a rubric. You may wish to consult with a homeopath and support her in this way too.