Two Under Two Support Tribe?

[Kelly1101]

I feel like I'm going crazy and want to talk to someone who has BTDT, or is going through the same thing I am.

My kids are 16 months apart-- an 18 month old daughter and 2 month old son.

The past few days I've been wondering WHY WHY WHY did I decide to do this.

Because yes, it was actually planned, sort of... husband and I had a moment, it was Christmas Eve and full of warm family feelings, our 8 month old daughter was so beautiful and wonderful, and we thought "we should have another baby."

The next day, we thought, "well, maybe we should think about this some more, plan some more, figure out what timing would be best. Let's put TTC on hold for at least a few months."

Got the positive pregnancy test two weeks later.

I love my son. I adore him. I am nothing but ecstatic that he is in our lives.

But sometimes I'm struggling just to get through the day. I'm jealous of people with only one child, or with children who are spaced farther apart to where the older child is a bit easier to deal with.

And my toddler is a really great kid. She is patient, sweet. But I know that it's wearing on her to have me so wrapped up in caring for her baby brother. All day today she was trying to climb up on top of every piece of furniture we have, because she knew it would get my attention. I wavered between letting her climb when it seemed safe, and getting up to redirect her when it was unsafe. Problem being my son wouldn't nap today unless he was in direct contact with my nipple. So when I got up, he woke up. After the fifth or sixth time she tried to dive onto the dining room table from a chair, I yelled at her, and then felt rotten about it. Because it's just her way of getting my attention, because I'm not giving her enough attention. Like I'm seriously tearing up right now just typing about it. I feel like I was a good mom before I had another kid.

And then, for the double dose of mommy guilt, I'm not as good a mom to my son as I was to my daughter. I held her ALL the time. I was so wrapped up in her, she was my entire world. But now he spends a fair chunk of time in the swing, I feel like I'm using a pacifier too much.

Today was my birthday and at 4 pm I was literally crying waiting for my husband to get home from work and help me. Em was throwing a full-on tantrum, the baby is crying because he needs to nap and can't get to sleep, I feel so outnumbered. Everyone says "oh, after the first year it will get better", but we have planned to only have two kids, and I don't want to wish away the first year of my last baby, you know? As I am trying to hold them both in the rocking chair and comfort them while keeping my toddler from head-butting the baby (not out of malice, just sometimes she doesn't understand the need to be gentle), I tried to tell myself "when they are teenagers you'll wish you could still hold them close like this."

My house was a wreck and that's the least of it.

I really shouldn't complain. My kids both sleep. Em went down to bed at 7:30, and Ozzy shortly afterwards, and they have both only woken up once and have gone back to sleep easily. I did get a shower. And then cleaned up the house. But now it's nearly 1 am and I NEED to be sleeping, but I'm up not wanting to lay down because it's so nice to sit and not have a baby on me.

Well, after all that moaning, I guess, um, the good things?

-My toddler is completely in love with her baby brother, gives him kisses whenever he is within kissing distance, pats his head very gently.
-When they get older I think I will be happy they are close in age.



Well *sigh* Sorry if you made it all the way through that rambling mess...

Anyone else feeling this way too? Any words of wisdom from those who have done it?

[almadianna]

I've moved this over to Life with a Babe.

P.S. I did the two under two thing.... sigh... I am so glad to be out of that stage!! But having them be 2 and 3 at the same time is no better. I swear that just having two within two years is awful until they are 20 . or so I hear.

[LadyCatherine185]

I am about to have my second and my DS is 26 months.. not quite as close together as yours, but they will be fairly close.

My brother and I were 18 months apart. My mom said the first 6 months was awful, but after that things got MUCH better. Hang in there and try to enjoy them as much as you can.. I am sure I will be writing a similar post in a couple months when I'm overwhelmed with my two.

[Megamum2008]

Oh Kelly I could've written your post!

DS is 22 months, and DD is 6 weeks. He's been climbing the bookshelf lately to get my attention, and once he's on the top of it, he looks at me with his devilish looks and starts digging in the plant up there! Argh!

I will admit I have totally lost my cool a few times lately. I have yelled at DS and I have put him in his room to calm down (for me to calm down really).
And yeah, when ds was little he got 100% of my attention. Like sling ALL the time, never put him down. Not so much with dd.

But... he loves her so so much. He doesn't really associate the changes in his life with her, as in he doesn't take it out on her. The times he tries to headbutt her or bite her (yup, he does that) it's because he knows it gets a reaction out of me, not anything malicious to her. As she gets older and a little less hands on, he'll get a more equal share of my time. Actually he doesn't do too badly, she sleeps a lot right now!

And as for her... I sling her as much as I can, but she does get put in the bouncy seat a fair bit and sleeps in the playpen during the day (whereas I would nap with ds!). I can't always respond to her cries immediately, I just can't. DS is doing a bit of potty learning and that has made for a few interesting moments. But all her needs are met, she doesn't know she's getting a little less tlc than her bro did. And she gets to grow up with a brother that is of an age that they can really share their childhood, and that's awesome.

So, here's some things that have helped me so far!

My mom was here for the first month, which was awesome. They live pretty far away. She basically took over DS's care. She helped me to establish a good routine for him. If I have him out of the house, to the park or the library or something by 9:30 -10 the day goes way way smoother. He's going stir-crazy by 10 usually. So we get up, get breakfast and get ready. Obviously this time frame is flexible depending on baby, but we get out of the house soon as possible. There's a great park 2 blocks away we can easily kill 1-1.5hrs at. Or we got to baby/toddler rhyme time at the library, we go to gymnastics once a week at 9am and I just started going to this program called StrongStart, it's a drop-in for kids under 5 and they have crafts, circle time, gym time, free coffee for the parents. I've only made it to that once so far cuz it starts early but my goal is to twice a week.
Anyway, if we get out to one of these, go home, lunch by 11:30ish, naptime. Now DS knows this routine. Until a couple days ago he even got so I could read him like 2 stories, give him a little bottle of goat milk, say 'night night' and leave him. He'd play quietly by himself until he fell asleep. So awesome. This week not so much. This week he's regressing and wants to be carried around in a sling and sung to sleep!

Anyway, he goes for a nap, I either clean or nurse baby if she's awake, he gets up, snacks, I make supper. He's usually happy enough after a good nap to play by my feet or 'help' cook.

The worst days I have had so far have been when I've strayed from this routine, not gotten out of the house until late, not gotten him a snack on time etc. If he doesn't eat soon enough and gets hungry, he gets inconsolable, won't eat, won't sleep, day is shot. I find a really good activity in the morning equals a good day. Gymnastics days are the best. He is hungry after, eats lunch, naps easy. Hopefully the strongstart thing'll be the same. And I get out of the house, yay.

Ok, I wrote you a book! See, you're not alone! Well, my two are both asllep right now, and DD is possibly asleep enough that I can put her down finally, so... diapers need washing, dishes need washing. Those are the necessities, if I get past that cool, but first, a cup of tea!

[loveneverfails]

I have 5 kids who are spaced at 29 months, 25 months, 18 months and 22 months. So, I hear you!

What I can tell you is that it will get easier, and it will get easier sooner than you think. Just ride it out, Mom! You can do it.

[Burnindinner]

I can join the tribe! I'll come back tomorrow to post more, just wanted to say - yah, I hear ya!

Mine are 5 months and 3 weeks away from 2 yo. For me, it got soooo much better around 10 weeks or so. DS2 was sleeping a lot more consistently, and DS1's maturing WEEKLY. 16 months is a hard age to be and figure out the world. She'll grow so rapidly that 3 months from now you'll be shocked at this little PERSON!

And I agree, I'm trying so hard not to wish away this 1st year, I think 2 kids is going to do it for us too.

[SilverFish]

those 8 month olds are sneaky little buggers, aren't they? i have one too, and she is so utterly delightful, when i see adorable little newborns, my heart just melts and i want another one so badly. i am trying to stay strong, because i KNOW my easy, lovely 8 month old will be a difficult, demanding 18 month old in 9 months! but i really really feel sympathy for you. my sister and i are exactly (to the day) 18 months apart. we played together as kids, and were very helpful when my mom had the younger ones, but i really don't envy her those first few years at ALL!

[Kelly1101]

So now we all have a cold.

BUT-- the toddler just went down for a nap, the baby is peacefully sleeping/nursing in the boppy right now, the tylenol is kicking in, and I'm just counting down the minutes until my husband gets home to help.

Originally Posted by Burnindinner

Mine are 5 months and 3 weeks away from 2 yo.

My brain is so fried it took me like five minutes to figure this out-- that you meant one is five months old, and the other is three weeks from being 2. I first had to consider "are they twins who are five months 3 weeks away from two? is one of them five months away from two, and one 3 weeks away from two? [had to do math to discard that idea]"

Originally Posted by almadianna

I swear that just having two within two years is awful until they are 20 . or so I hear.

*cries*

Megamum-- I'm trying to get into a routine. Em's naptime is ALL OVER the place right now, though. I feel like if we can just hit that "groove" where everything happens in a relatively organized / routine way, it will help, but we're not hitting it yet...

Originally Posted by loveneverfails

I have 5 kids who are spaced at 29 months, 25 months, 18 months and 22 months. So, I hear you!

Just wow. At least now I don't feel as bad, haha. You must be awesome.

Originally Posted by SilverFish

those 8 month olds are sneaky little buggers, aren't they?

I think it's the peak of cuteness, I swear. Match that with the whole Christmas-warm-fuzzy-family feelings, and that was the downfall.