Disciplining a toddler who thinks it's funny

[Everrgreen]

I have two big issues I'm trying to work on with my toddler, but no matter what I do he just laughs, he thinks its just play.

The first: Pulling the cats tail. He is getting so bad with this! He is constantly grabbing a hold of the cats tail really hard and he won't let go. Usually when I see I start with 'DS NO!' because I need him to let go RIGHT NOW, he could hurt the cat or the cat could swat him (hasn't happened yet, I have 2 very peaceful cats thank goodness!). Anyway, then I usually have to quickly go to him and physically remove his hands while saying 'We must be very gentle with the cats' or 'Pulling his tail hurts him, you must be gentle'. But he just thinks it's funny and he continues to pull the cats tail all the time. What else can I do??

Second problem: kicking during diaper changes. He will very often get silly and just start kicking. And he's a big enough boy that his kicks hurt, especially when they are aimed at my face. This one really makes me angry and impatient. I just want to get the diaper changed, not deal with avoiding a black eye. And no matter what I say/do he just laughs and thinks its funny.

Any tips?

Oh, and he's 21 months btw.

[physmom]

DD is the same age and we have the exact same problem with her laughing after us saying no. For us it's normally with destruction of property i.e. coloring on EVERYTHING or dropping food on the floor. We try giving her other things to do (lots of paper or balls that she's allowed to throw etc) but nothing seems to help! And she STILL thinks it's hilarious!

We used to have the cat tail problem and we would unpry her fingers and then use her hand to gently pet our cat. I think with that at least she wanted to play with our cat but didn't know how (and tails are sooo fascinating!). We also would give her cat toys to help her interact with our cat (like a mouse she could throw or a string tied to a stick). Thankfully, she seems to be done with that.

When DD started freaking out during diaper changes we decided that was potty training time... We told her if she didn't want her diaper changed anymore that she had to go on the potty.

[carrierenee]

My 31 month old does the kicking/thrashing around during diaper changes. He is potty trained but wears a diaper at night. DH changes him into it but its ALWAYS a fight. Same with getting clothes on. So I am waiting for some good suggestions!

[tryingfortwo]

DS is a bit older (3.5 now), and I can't remember when I started this technique, but if I can see that my comments to stop aren't getting through to him, I tell him that we need to take a break, and go sit with him somewhere nearby (couch, bed, etc) and hold him in my arms, and tell him that we're going to sit there until he's ready to listen. Sometimes he's still laughing and playing and trying to squirm out, but I hold tight and pretty soon he realizes that I'm serious and calms down and listens to me. And then we talk about what I asked him not to do, and why, and once I feel he understands it, I let him go. Often I remind him that if he does it again, we're going to have to take another break until he's ready to listen. I don't know if this works for other kids, I have a pretty easy going one, but I do know it's a good way for me to make sure I'm getting through to him. Good luck!

[shanniesue2]

when it's time to put a diaper on (DS only wears them at night now) and DS gets really squirrely, I sometimes just have to resort to changing him from the side and putting my leg over his body... to which he responds "STOP SMASHING ME!" I always tell him, when you hold still then I'll move my leg.

[c'est moi]

oooo, i'm taking careful notes for my 22-month old DD.

she thinks it's funny to run off...as in chase me, chase me. tolerable in a safe environment. i about go ballistic in a parking lot!

[Shanny2032]

Have you gotten the book "Tails are not for pulling"? I highly recommend it and reading it as often as they'll sit for it and continuing the discussion at other appropriate times. There are also videos out there about the importance of how to treat pets and other animals. I can't remember the name of the one we have but it is about 10 minutes long and the kids like it. I think this is really important because God forbid you don't stop this behavior and he continues it and pulls the wrong animals tail someday it could have really awful consequences.

As far as the diaper changes, do you have a box of really cool stuff (your stuff he isn't normally allowed to play with or cheap junk from target/dollar store) near by to entice him every time? While I think that's a good idea, I really agree that potty training might be in his very near future.

The laughing thing is really inufriating (I have a 23 month old comedian). What has started to work sometimes like when I say "please come here so Mommy can wash your hands and face" and she just ignores me, laughs or runs is that I just put my head down and don't say a word or quietly say "I'll wait for you". I don't know why but it has been working. Of course this doesn't help in situations like tail pulling or parking lot running but I think it does help if it isn't the 20th time I have had to raise my voice and or chase!

[3xMama]

With the cat's tail, I'd bring the length of your sentences down. Instead of "We must be very gentle with the cats" try just saying gentle and physically showing your DS how to be gentle to the cat. He's not even two yet so long sentences probably aren't totally getting through, esp if he's more or less ignoring you.

As for the kicking, he's probably finds the whole thing a game. If you are trying to catch his leg while he kicks you, he probably finds it hilarious. I'd do something similiar to the cat situation. A short "No kicking" followed by gently restraining his legs until he stops.

I think facial and vocal expression is also very important in getting your message across. A serious look on your face plus a low and firm voice while you say "No kicking" followed by a big smile and happy voice "Good boy!" when he stops and you let go of his legs really helps get the point through--at least in my expirence. You'll probably have to repeat it several times in a row, but done with consistency he'll understand it. And then, even if he doesn't get the words necessarily, he'll get the vocal tone and the facial expressions and emulate what gets him the big smiles and happy voice.

[physmom]

I was reminded of this thread today because DD tried to spend most of the day biting me (on my butt no less! ) and then laughing hysterically when I would get upset.

Originally Posted by tryingfortwo

DS is a bit older (3.5 now), and I can't remember when I started this technique, but if I can see that my comments to stop aren't getting through to him, I tell him that we need to take a break, and go sit with him somewhere nearby (couch, bed, etc) and hold him in my arms, and tell him that we're going to sit there until he's ready to listen. Sometimes he's still laughing and playing and trying to squirm out, but I hold tight and pretty soon he realizes that I'm serious and calms down and listens to me. And then we talk about what I asked him not to do, and why, and once I feel he understands it, I let him go. Often I remind him that if he does it again, we're going to have to take another break until he's ready to listen. I don't know if this works for other kids, I have a pretty easy going one, but I do know it's a good way for me to make sure I'm getting through to him. Good luck!

Finally, I did something similar to this. I grabbed her up in my arms and held her really tight sort of rocking her to calm her down. Meanwhile I explained to her that it her me and gave me "booboos" (her word for cuts/bruises). She then looked at me and said "one bite, booboo please?" However, she did seem to calm down a bit after that.

[happysmileylady]

Do we have the same child?:

My dd will be 2 on Sunday. And she LOVES our cats. As in "I will pet him and kiss him and hug him and love him and name him George" (bugs bunny reference for those who don't know.) Basically she would love them to death. I have three cats. Two have learned to run as soon as the 2 year old looks at them. One however seems to seek out the torture. She wanders up to her, allows herself to be picked up, hugged, squeezed etc etc. Then when she has had enough, she just saunters off. She has once or twice swiped at the 2 year old, but only at her hands, and I suspect that she was playing with dd as much as dd was playing with her.

Anyway, with the pets, we generally just firmly and sometimes loudly (like when I am across the room nursing the baby and can't get up quickly) say "Raeanna, NO." That's usually followed by "Put Kitty Down." or "Be nice."

Diaper change kicking I haven't figured out yet. But, we are getting ready to potty train (I am pretty sure she's ready, I am very much NOT ready.) so I am thinking that it will just become a non issue. I do tell her no, don't kick, and occasionally just hold her down as others have mentioned.

[Nicole730]

What I've found best is patience. If you have the time for it after the initial - no get your hands off the cat. Just stand there with a plain face, explaining it's not funny and not allowed. Until it clicks (for that time, then repeat when it happens again) Or ask him to show you a gentle touch and wait until he does and then praise that.

I guess I'm thinking of the example today with my son. I told him to get his shoes it was time to leave and he burst into giggles and tore around the house, running like a madman, saying No. I just calmy repeated myself and stood there until he realized I wasn't joking and it wasn't funny. He got his shoes and brought them to me. We sometimes have a long waiting game during the diapers too.

[Picard]

This is a timely thread for us! Yesterday, DS and I had our first real, hmmm, struggle. He deliberately threw a glass on the floor when I could not pay attention to him. It shattered. There is nowhere to secure him in the house to clean up the mess. He was laughing and did not cooperate. In the end, I had the mess cleaned, while I got real mad for the first time as he continued to laugh. It seemed like such a fun game to him. To me, all I saw was glass splinters and cuts in feet. Afterward, we sat on the couch to talk about it and hugged when it all passed.

This morning he asked when we are going to play the 'getting dressed game,' whereby he struggles with all his might. It's good to know that it's all fun and games to him and not some sort of unwill/uncooperation.

[just_lily]

Getting kicked during a diaper change is a real trigger for me.

When DD started doing that around the same age I would just turn around and put her in her crib, and tell her that we would change her diaper when she was ready. I stood there with her, but she REALLY didn't like that. It only took a couple of days of really being consistant here (and sometimes that meant doing a dirty diaper back up in order to stick her in the crib) but she caught on fast and stopped kicking me.

[starlein26]

I know this sucks to hear...but it's a very normal phase and it will pass.
While it's with us, I like to employ playful parenting and *try* to stay patient. They truly don't get it. Gently re-direct and keep it fun (which is hard if you have somewhere to be!)

[Everrgreen]

Thank you everyone for the tips and commiseration!

So, I'm going to try just saying 'be gentle', hopefully I can give him this reminder when I see him going towards the cat rather than when he's already got a grip on the tail. And if he doesn't listen we may just 'take a break' from the cat and go sit on the couch together. We'll see how things go.

I really wish DS would start potty learning. We have a potty, he knows what it's for, he tells me when he goes poop and sometimes pee, BUT he WILL NOT go in the potty. He gets upset if I try and put him on it and he always says no if I ask. It's a work in progress at the moment!