I have been with my 8 month old son's father for almost 3 years. He has a 6 year old from a previous marriage.
When I first met him, he let me know how special his daughter was to him. How her birth was the best thing that had ever happened to him, how he felt like a king holding her for the first time, and how he loves her more than anything in this world. He would tell me this stuff all the time. I thought that was so awesome that he was such a caring dad.
Fast forward to the pregnancy with our son. He was not involved and didn't seem happy at all. At every ultrasound, he would re-live wonderful memories of his daughter's ultrasounds and how special they were. I'm going to be honest, it hurt me a lot.
He never talked happy about our son, he only would re-live memories of his daughter. He would talk about how he bought his daughter's crib and put it up. The church had to give me a crib for my son and his BROTHER put it up.
Fast forward to our son's birth (2-7-10)
He was not happy that day. Unlike how happy he said he was at his daughter's birth, he was not happy at our son's. I almost died that day and his son did too. Something went wrong with my blood pressure and heart. I never did get to find out exactly what. All I know is my blood pressure dropped to 60 over 28. My heart was up and down. I passed out twice and don't remember much. It was so scary. My son's father kept leaving the room on me. I was begging him to stay with me. He acted upset and like I was just being a big baby. I was just wanting SOMEONE to be there with me because I was so scared. My sister came over. Then HIS brother came over with his wife and kids. He doesn't really get along with his brother. His brother is a great person tho and so is his brother's wife. Anyways, my sister stayed in there with me.
Finally, our son was born. Happiest moment ever for me! My sister went over to the warmer to see baby and take pictures, she was crying with happiness, telling me how beautiful he was. My son's father? He was standing in the corner completely away from everything. My sister yelled for him "come meet your son" He barely walked over to the warmer and stood way back and looked at his son like he was basically nothing. He didn't touch him or come close. He had no expression on his face. No happiness, nothing. They gave the baby to me to hold. He just stood there. They asked if anyone else wanted to hold baby. His brother and his brother's wife had came in to the room, his brother said he wanted to hold the baby. His brother held our son and talked to gently to him, then his brother's wife held our son and was so sweet to him. They both kissed him and told him they loved him.
But, my son's father didn't hold him. Later in my room, he told me that this day reminded him of his daughter's birth and how he felt when he held her for the first time. How she was the most beautiful thing on the earth. I cried to myself because he didn't even hold our son and hadn't held him NONE (not one time) when he got back to my room.
He say's that he was just too nervous. He was afraid that he might hurt our son. That the day his daughter was born, he had taken a Xanax and wasn't nervous. Whatever, I don't buy it.
This morning he woke me up hugging me. He was telling me that he has only ever felt this way about one other person (his daughter) and that he has only ever held anyone as beautiful as me before, his daughter. Our son was laying beside me, in the bed with us. I began to cry my eyes out. I told him why and how bad this hurt me. I cried so hard.
He got upset and said that I was just trying to start sh*t with him again. He doesn't understand that this hurts me that our son doesn't make him feel happy, he never says he is in love with OUR baby. He NEVER remembers our baby on the day of his birth. It's like our son doesn't matter to him. Our son is just a toy.
Also, we were talking one day about our favorite months. He said his was February because that is his daughter's birth month, his aunts birthday, his mamaws birthday and then he got quiet and I just looked at him. I said, it's our sons birth month too, and then ohhh he forgot, it's his favorite month because of our sons birthday too. Whatever.
He says I just like to start trouble. Am I wrong to feel so upset? Am I stupid for crying? I just want to know if I am strange for crying.