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Dh says he will read ONE book

post #1 of 42
Thread Starter 
Last pregnancy Dh promised he would read books and never did, despite owning them. We ended up with a C/S. I truly believe that things wouldn't have happened the way they did had he been more informed. (I don't entirely blame him or myself or the staff, but we all hold blame. I think he could have stood up to the nurses who were pushing things when I didn't want them and wasn't in a place to argue.)

That aside He says he promises (which I do believe) he will read one book. It need to be good and comprehensive.

What do you all recommend?

I on the other hand and reading everything I can get my hands on (like last time) And we are going with a MW this time which will also help a great deal.
post #2 of 42
I vote "the birth partner".
post #3 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juvysen View Post
I vote "the birth partner".
i was going to say that too. only one my husband read and he was well-prepared. he also highly recommends to other dads.
post #4 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by c'est moi View Post
i was going to say that too. only one my husband read and he was well-prepared. he also highly recommends to other dads.
Yup it is neccessary to read some books.
post #5 of 42
Oh the Bradley Method book!!! We read it together at night and practiced, otherwise my husband would not have read it at all. He liked doing it together, though! That book is THE BEST! If I could only read ONE book to prepare for birth, that would be it. The one I have is not by the bradley guy, but some woman, elizabeth something or other. It is set up simple and has tons of pictures.
post #6 of 42
I recommend hiring a doula and letting him find his own book and read it. If he's not motivated enough to do that on his own, you're going to want someone else there who's informed and on your side. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I can't fathom a partner who couldn't be bothered to read a book the first time around, and despite what happened, now says he'll read only one.
post #7 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
I recommend hiring a doula and letting him find his own book and read it. If he's not motivated enough to do that on his own, you're going to want someone else there who's informed and on your side. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I can't fathom a partner who couldn't be bothered to read a book the first time around, and despite what happened, now says he'll read only one.
I agree with this unfortunately. It sounds like he's not really into becoming informed and standing up for you. I would pick a book for him on the odd chance that it may catch his interest and get him reading and researching more on his own, but otherwise I wouldn't really count on him to be too much support in labour. It's better if you both have reasonable expectations and get someone there who can be a reliable support person for you.
post #8 of 42
ITA w/ The Birth Partner. It is a v excellent book. I would also read it and make sure to discuss the parts that you consider to be important. I had a frank discussion w/ dh after having him read two chapters b/c we had decided not to spend the money on a doula. Now, my dh is VERY supportive of my birth choices and fully agrees w/ them, but I did need the reassurance from him that he was fully in my corner. Good luck!
post #9 of 42
If he likes lots of solid, unbiased information, charts, and detail, The Birth Partner is GREAT! If he wants something a little less tome-like and a faster (but still informative), funnier read, Your Best Birth, the companion book to The Business of Being Born, is really worthwhile too.

PS: I second the idea of hiring a doula also!
post #10 of 42
That's kind of crappy considering it's ya'lls baby and your body going through pregnancy and birth. Why choose to remain ignorant especially in light of your previous birth? I'm sorry, lady. If my SO was so kind to consent to reading A BOOK but no more I'd probably invite him to wait outside the birthing room and hire a doula to give me the support I need and that's the most mild thing I'd do. Seriously.
post #11 of 42
the birth partner. You might want to go through ahead of him and highlight stuff.
post #12 of 42
I haven't read the Birth Partner so that may be a good choice, but I had my dh read the second half of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. He liked her no-nonsense approach. I don't think he would have enjoyed the birth stories in the front at all.

Would he watch The Business of Being Born? I think that really tipped the scales for my dh. It's available from Netflix on DVD or streaming. I DO NOT recommend Pregnant in America!
post #13 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein View Post
Would he watch The Business of Being Born? I think that really tipped the scales for my dh. It's available from Netflix on DVD or streaming. I DO NOT recommend Pregnant in America!
Rent Orgasmic Birth while you're at it
post #14 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
I recommend hiring a doula and letting him find his own book and read it. If he's not motivated enough to do that on his own, you're going to want someone else there who's informed and on your side. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I can't fathom a partner who couldn't be bothered to read a book the first time around, and despite what happened, now says he'll read only one.
I would too hire a doula if I was in your situation.

That said my husband didn't read any books, and never showed any interest in reading books. But we talked about birth and what to expect and my expectations A LOT. Like daily. I talked about my fears and hopes, my 'vision' for the birth constantly, and we would have engaged conversations about it. We talked about routine interventions and haw awful they were and were watched the business of being born. So even though he never read any books, I felt that he was fully prepared through our almost daily discussion of birth and what we wanted to happen.
post #15 of 42
My DH read The Expectant Father. There is some non-homebirth-and AP-friendly stuff in there, so you might want to warn him about that, but my husband really liked it. It was just enough info for him to understand what was going on without getting into too many details. I did try to get him to read The Birth Partner but he was so not into it. After reading a bit of it I do understand why, as it can get technical at times.

We did take the Bradley course together and he picked up a LOT from that, and really enjoyed it. My midwives could tell that he was a "Bradley dad" when I was in labor!
post #16 of 42
Another vote for The Birth Partner
post #17 of 42
Another vote for Simkin's The Birth Partner. I had read tons about birth myself, and got this one for my DH. He read some of it, but I read all of it and learned a lot more myself! I am so glad I read it b/c it was the only resource I looked at that talked about some of the interventions I ended up with (like amnio-infusion). It would be super-helpful for a birth partner.

I also agree with having him watch The Business of Being Born. Watching a movie is really low commitment, and DH was totally on board with all things natural birth after watching it.
post #18 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rejoicing View Post
Oh the Bradley Method book!!! We read it together at night and practiced, otherwise my husband would not have read it at all. He liked doing it together, though! That book is THE BEST! If I could only read ONE book to prepare for birth, that would be it. The one I have is not by the bradley guy, but some woman, elizabeth something or other. It is set up simple and has tons of pictures.
I think you're thinking of "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way" by Susan McKutcheon. I really love that book - it is comprehensive and clear, with a lot of great advice and exercises partners can do together. And I know my dh has found it useful.
post #19 of 42
I was going to recommend The Birth Partner too!

I also recommend hiring a doula, not just because of your DH's mentality, but because a doula is not emotionally attached to your birth like you and your DH are, and therefore she has the ability to help you make rational decisions in labor(as opposed to fear-based ones)
post #20 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldingoddess View Post
I would too hire a doula if I was in your situation.

That said my husband didn't read any books, and never showed any interest in reading books. But we talked about birth and what to expect and my expectations A LOT. Like daily. I talked about my fears and hopes, my 'vision' for the birth constantly, and we would have engaged conversations about it. We talked about routine interventions and haw awful they were and were watched the business of being born. So even though he never read any books, I felt that he was fully prepared through our almost daily discussion of birth and what we wanted to happen.

I agree. My DH is also not a huge reader. I would read passages aloud from the birth books I was reading, we went to an awesome birthing class series, we had good discussions with our doula, and we watched some films. DH was seriously prepared and an awesome partner. He refused to read the books because he's just not a reader, but we constantly spoke about what we wanted for the birth and he was awesome.
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