is this b/c i'm working more or just an age thing?

[red and lulu]

dd is 15 mo. i work part-time out of the house (20-25 hrs a week), but spread out over 6-7 days a week. my schedule is pretty inconsistent: some days I'm only gone 2 hours, others 9, though on the long days i always have at least a couple hours with her in the middle. I gradually built up to this, and have only been working this much the past two months or so. up until dd was 11 months, i never left her for any significant amount of time. we are very attached. my mom watches her most of the time and is the only person she doesn't mind being left with. but lately she's been having a really tough time — she's been very sensitive and clingy. when i'm around her she is pretty irritable, throwing tantrums and needing to be held by me constantly. i feel a tremendous amount of guilt for being gone so often (and sometimes a tremendous amount of guilt the days that i'm glad i'm working ) i'm worried that the hectic schedule is getting to her. or am i just projecting?

[JudiAU]

Both my kids act like that (15m and 3y) when I am gone too much. It seems to better when they get out of the house a lot. Is she more or less active with grandma? I finally realized that grandma time, in my kids case, was a bit of a problem because grandma took them to park for half the time as our nanny, etc.

[lunarlady]

It is an age thing. Before about a year, kids don't understand that things they can't see still exist. So peek a boo is like a magic act -- you magically disappear and reappear! They also have trouble with time, and they live very much in the now. Now your child is old enough to understand that you are leaving, not gone forever, and old enough to understand the passage of time. So she is old enough to both remember you and miss you and to know that you are out there somewhere, just not with her. She may ask for you when you are not there, and feel sad or angry when you are gone. It is a hard age. But the good news is that she will grow to understand that you also come back regularly. Your lack of a schedule will make this take a bit longer, but it will happen. It may help if your mom can help her anticipate when you are coming..like "mommy will come when it is really dark" or "mommy will come after lunch". Clinginess can also be a sign that she doesn't know when you are leaving and is worried about it. So it might help to try to tell her the schedule in advance. "i'm home now, and will be home until tomorrow after breakfast." Good luck and hang in there.