Hello Everyone, I am a new member. I was searching around and stumbled upon this thread and it got to me because I have similar frustrations. I completely understand how all of you feel. I commend all of you for staying strong dealing with all that you deal with.
As a single mom of 1, I get frustrated on so many occasions. I had my daughter when I was 19 and I am now 27. Her father decided he couldn't handle the fact that she was disabled and decided to disown her and not acknowledge her. My daughter has so many issues at times I just want to scream. She is blind, can't walk (club feet - but can walk with my help and can walk better if she has her afo's on, but not by herself), she can't talk, she can't chew, spinal issues, still in diapers and mentally challenged.
I truly get tired of driving to doctor appts an hr away, and the appt is like 10 - 20 mins tops. At the current moment I still live with my mother because I just don't have the funds to have my own place. Needless to say clashing of 2 women with their own thoughts and opinions on how to raise MY child has taken it's course. I get so annoyed sometimes, most times with my mothers constant "my way or the highway motto" ..despite the fact I do pitch in around the house and that includes helping with the bills. I will say over the years our relationship has progressed from horrible to decent.
1. I work Monday-Friday at a fast-food restaurant (not my ideal job especially since I have a college degree and can't pick up any work where I live) during my daughters school hours. I only have weekends off..and I'm always in the house after work and on the weekends. I never get a chance of relief.
2. I get tired of people always coming down on me about what my daughter eats. I can't force her to chew and eat things she doesn't like. For the most part she's healthy and she doesn't eat chips, cakes, ice cream etc. She only gets cake on special occasions..so why on earth am I always being criticized for giving her things she likes (peanut butter and jelly and oatmeal - her 2 favorite items)..don't get me wrong she will eat other food items (mashed up of course).. other than that, I have to force feed her, which isn't fun..don't crucify me otherwise. It's not as easy as looks and I wish people would realize that.
3. Like many of you, I don't have friends that understand what I am going through.
4. I'm lonely all the time.
5. Biggest annoyance for me, when me and my daughter are out in public and people are just STARING at my child like she is a monster from beyond the grave. It annoys me so bad. Some people just don't have manners or common courtesy to look away. "She's human people. she bleeds red just like you and I." - Sometimes I just want to put a sign on her, that reads "You've just been caught staring..look away! Or if you have questions, then ask my mom!" But ya know that isn't right either, that's like putting her on display..but the thought of wanting to yell that has occurred.
6. Wish I lived in a different house, so I could get a wheelchair ramp attached. My house isn't in a position to have one attached, according to various ramp builders..which indeeds sucks because she is becoming heavier and it's wearing me down. I have fallen many times with her in my arms because of the limitation of my sight or tripping. Hurting myself in the midst of protecting her.
7. I hate spending the night in hospitals. My daughter has had at least 5 surgeries (and still some more to go) and overnight/ a month stay is NOT fun. I'm truly annoyed with them.
8. Many times, I do wish she could just see. Man oh man, how amazing that would be.
I'm definitely an emotional wreck (but I never show it on the surface) and at times think I am worthless and this is all that I am capable of (working in a fast food joint and staying home) until I die..It's hard for me to be in a relationship because I constantly think guys don't want to deal with all the baggage I have. At times I do just want to disappear and consistently think "I wonder what it would be like if she didn't have all these problems"..I do feel ashamed for having these feelings..but I love her with all my heart and soul, and all I can do is continue to love her until I die.
LOL, I'm sorry for writing a novel. But thanks for making this post..it gave me a chance to vent.