I'm feeling a bit lost

[wombato]

I have a 17 month old, and I'm feeling a bit lost. He's my only child, and we don't have any family in the area. We get out for playdates once a week usually, sometimes more, sometimes less.

I never thought I would find this part of childhood difficult. But here I am. I guess I am still too adult-oriented in my thinking. I'm just wondering what others in my position (only one child, not too many friends or family around) do.

I cook a lot (I am gluten free and rely on potatoes and rice). I try to make extra so I have leftovers, but I still find myself cooking a lot. We repeat a lot of the same foods for ease of planning, but I'm still having trouble juggling it all lately. My house is a mess, and I still feel like my child is bored (and in pain from the canines). He keeps bugging me to play with the electronic controls on the dryer and the water dispenser on the fridge, then has a huge crying fit when I don't let him.

Tonight I thought "it's because he's bored, I need more toddler-specific activities!" It feels so hard to be creative around here when I am just struggling to make it through the day.

I ordered some books from Amazon, one on fingerplays, one on songs. I have lived a life of working at my job and such, ignoring my artistic side. I'm trying to catch up!

Most of the time, I try to involve my child in what I'm doing. He loves vacuuming and sweeping, loves to help, helps empty and load the dishwasher, etc. I read him his board books over and over again. He investigates jars and their lids. He has some toys, not a ton, and he does play with them a bit here and there, but mostly he wants to get into the real stuff!

We also go outside every day.

The problem? I still can't do much around the house. I feel like he's bored, wanting beepy-light things a lot, etc. Nothing abnormal I guess. What do you do?

[JordanKX]

I have almost Zero baby friends... I also haven't researched and done enough on my own. We do library once a month (at best) and one girlfriend with a baby every now and again. I feel you on feeling lost. BUT...

#1 - where are you in Oregon - I'm south. PM me if you're anywhere near.

#2 - get out of the house and Do stuff! My DS is only 13.5 months, but it sounds like you need to get out and do stuff - or at least me and DS need that. We need a break from just.. Getting Stuff Done. or even just one on one time together. We have an Awesome time together. BUT... it gets old (for us both!!!).

Go to a park. Find a mommy group. Visit the library.

I often can't get a lot done unless he's napping, or I put him on my back. I wear him a lot. It's a norm for us so he actually gets excited when he sees me pull out the ergo or the backpack. He likes pulling at clothes when I'm folding clothes or doing laundry.

I'm all about helping out around the house... but Get Out! I wouldn't survive without leaving the house 2x a day... even if it's just to Barnes and Noble and let him run around for a bit; see other kids. Go to a park, see other kids, more and more.

I feel the same way, that I need to meet more moms, so we have more interaction. I need to be more proactive. But, we're starting with just getting out more.

[tangledblue]

I find that it is easier to get things done after I've done some sort of activity out of the house with DD (she is 2 and this has been true for a while). Kind of like, we get back and she's happy to see her toys and I might get chunks of 10-20 min when she plays alone and I can get a few things done. And, naptime of course.

In your shoes, I would definitely try to find another playdate or other regular activity for the two of you--storytime at the library, gymboree, toddler music class, etc. It sounds like maybe you are both a little bored?

Good luck! It's hard not to have family or friends around too.

[CookAMH]

My 18mo LOVES to "warch" me cook. I let him stand on chair next to me at the counter and give him some measuring spoons and things to play with and he's quite content to do the "real thing" with me (sharp objects or things he can mess up are not in reach). Granted, he does occasionally fall off the chair but he's learning balance and what his surroundings are.

If we go into the kitchen, he says "wah warch" (I want to watch). Too cute. And lately, he's been loving to stand in front of the sink and play with lightly running water from the faucet. He did NOT want to get down yesterday from doing that.

My son loves to help too with all the things you mentioned. He'll hand me silverware from the dishwasher and try to take my broom (even though he has one his own size).

He loves to wander around the house while I do things. We read books too, like you do. We wrestle and tickle also and sometimes we just sit in his room and jabber and play with whatever attracts his attention. Somehow the time goes by, though he is only now transitioning to one nap, so he's had two up till now. I'll watch Food Network some in the afternoon and he'll play with his toys and intermittently come to say hi.

My approach has been to involve him in daily life but also have some specific play times together, and probably more time that he's independent with play.

And, as for playgroups, I'm in none and have one friend who has a 2.5yo who we get together with every couple of weeks. I'm actually quite content to stay home (more so since I am pregnant) and we mainly go out for errands.

HTH.

[Marissamom]

my 17 month old DD has been bored a lot lately, so we started mixing it up a bit. some things that she's really liking lately is if I let her brush her own teeth and hair (with adult help afterward), taking baths together, and I started letting her scribble with crayons. I also plan on making her some playdough. it also really helps to get out and about, even if it's just going for a short walk.

[Norasmomma]

That age for me was the hardest, DD was a really difficult 16m to 2-ish. Toddlers are hard and busy, with zero regard for danger. I felt like most days I was trying to save DD from herself. Plus my DD dropped most napping at 18 months, and in turn had a meltdown from being overly tired most days.

Some things that worked for me were giving her some of her own cooking stuff, a bowl, a spoon. Playing in the sink, she loved that. A nice stool or learning tower type thing might help. I also got a "fridge farm" toy that she played with a lot at that age.

I also painted my pantry door with chalkboard paint.

I live in the county so there are little activities for those who have younger children, we have a mother's group, but I feel like I'm not crunchy enough to hang out there. Plus when my DD was that age, sitting was not an option. Running, knocking down the babies trying to love on them,climbing all over me were her things.

It was a really hard age for me, I'm not a fan of the super busyness that is 18 months, it's the truth

[Summersquash]

Originally Posted by tangledblue

I find that it is easier to get things done after I've done some sort of activity out of the house with DD (she is 2 and this has been true for a while). Kind of like, we get back and she's happy to see her toys and I might get chunks of 10-20 min when she plays alone and I can get a few things done.

This is SO true for us as well, and I guess I never really thought of it like that, but it is exactly what we do. Go out and do something (walk around the block, storytime at the library, grocery shopping, playground, walk on the little "nature path" in our neighborhood, etc) then come home and I can get stuff done for 15-30 minutes while she plays. We try and get out and do something in the mornings and in the afternoons. It really does make a huge difference in both of our moods and energy levels!

[nukuspot]

I am in a similar situation. No family for 3000 miles. We make sure to get out each morning before nap, the park is the ideal but it's rainy this time of year so sometimes it's just to the post office or food shopping or something. I try to get her together with other little ones as much as possible. I signed up for "toddler gym" last month, this month we are trying a music and dance class for toddlers. I try to organize small playgroups with other mamas and babies. But it's hard to fill each day with stuff to keep her busy. If we stay home all morning she 1.) Won't nap properly and 2.) Get whiny and get attached to my nipple all day and insist on being carried all around all the time When we go out she is happy as can be..

My house is much messier than I am comfortable with, but I still take pride in cooking a dinner from scratch each night, but I don't even try to start cooking until DH gets home.

I know it will be easier when she will play by herself for more than 5 minutes. It has to happen eventually!

[ihugtrees]

Check out meetup.com for mom's groups. Go on Craigslist, in the 'strictly platonic' personals, and email back and forth with another mom to see if you can be friends. (then meet in a public place for safety!) Find your local La Leche League & Attachment Parenting International groups. Find a mom & baby music or dance or gymnastics class, or a mom & baby workout class (Stroller Strides & Stroller Fit are two I've done and enjoyed.) Check out your local libraries and community centers--see what activities they have going on...ours do story times and open play times (one has a bouncy house every Tuesday along with other cool 'outdoor' toys in the gym.) The books from Amazon sound great, too!

For us, staying busy is KEY. If we are home, DD (17 months) is fussy, clingy, wanting to nurse all day, getting into everything (she is tall and this month she can suddenly reach the counters!! EEK!). I can't handle it! Most days, we get out the door by 10 (she sleeps until 8 or 830), taking our lunch/snacks with us, and we don't return until naptime at 130 or 2. She is happy when she wakes up 1 or 2 hours later, and I'm rested after some time to myself to get things done.

[ihugtrees]

Originally Posted by nukuspot

I am in a similar situation. No family for 3000 miles.

Where in WA do you live?? I'm in North Seattle!

[nukuspot]

Olympia...Too far for a playdate!

[lisavark]

I think you've gotten a lot of good ideas regarding getting out of the house, which I totally agree with--when my daughter was that age, we went out every. single. day. (We went to THREE playgroups a week! And then story time too. Haha, I was a mom's groups social butterfly!) But I also wanted to say that I think you can let a lot of housework go at that age. I think I barely did housework till DD was over two. I know I must've done some, because my house wasn't THAT bad (I swear! ), but it was mostly on the weekends when DH was playing with her. I just couldn't do anything without it driving both of us nuts. Yes, she would help me. For a little while--then she'd start driving us both crazy. I still never fold laundry, and she's 2.5. (Although now she actually can help me fold laundry...I've just gotten in the habit of never doing it! ) But things like sweeping, cleaning the bathrooms, doing the dishes, and cooking are really easy to do now. So I would say you might feel better if you think about what chores you can let slide. It sounds like cooking is really necessary for you (which I totally understand--I used to have some health problems and was on really restrictive diets for a while; gluten free was really hard for me!), but the key for me when DD was that age was to have quick meals that I could make in the twenty minutes between when we got home from the playground and when DH got home from work. I still make a lot of quick gluten-free meals, even though I'm not GF anymore: stir-fried chicken & veggies; meat & beans burritos in a bowl, bunless hamburgers or hot dogs with a veggie. I rarely make rice because it takes so long, but when I do I make a lot, divide the extra into portions and freeze them in ziplock baggies. Then the next time I want to make a stir fry, I just toss the frozen rice in with everything else for a twenty-minute one-dish meal. I also use my crockpot a lot--best invention ever! It's much easier to do food prep in the morning because DD is well-rested and cheerful then. Plus she's busy eating breakfast. When I get it done then, I don't have to think about it for the rest of the day, and we can stay at the playground till dinnertime. So I would say to think about ways you can streamline your cooking, especially the part that has to be done in the evening/afternoon, and switch as much as possible to stuff that doesn't require you be in the house while it bakes.