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PAL (pregnancy after loss) mama's - Page 25

post #481 of 616

I thought my first pregnancy (my son's) was hard - I was very nervous about him sticking (only because he took 15 months to conceive, no real reason otherwise), I had hyperemesis (and no zofran), was sick until at least 20 weeks and then got slammed by asthma in the second half of my pregnancy.  Now, looking back, it was almost carefree, health-wise.  This time, I am so much more anxious all the time.  The ER bleeding trip was so scary, I've got GBS in my urine (the midwives say it's not a problem because the concentration is very low, the Internet says it's a horrible thing), I haven't slept through the night myself in nearly two years, and I am just so darn worried.  And on top of it all, I feel like a bad mom because I'm such a basketcase.  I am praying that this last bit of blood is all I'll see from that particular region until Sparky is born in July.  I need to catch my breath!

post #482 of 616

Hugs to the mamas that are still experiencing bleeding. That must be so scary!

 

Just got back from my doctor's appointment. Baby sounds great! As soon as he put the doppler on my belly, we could hear the heartbeat. It's funny because I was SO stressed at the beginning of the week about whether or not the baby was o.k. But something happened the middle of this week. I'm suddenly no longer worried. Nothing happened to make me more assured, the worry just disappeared. Usually when I go to the doctor, I'm nervous until I hear or see the baby. But when I went to my appointment this morning, I was totally fine. No worries at all.

post #483 of 616
javilu ~ I was just reading another thread on GBS. Someone posted a link to an article about the real dangers of being GBS+. If I see it again, I'll post the link here. One thing is that everyone always has some GBS. It's only a problem if you have too much. I don't know how much that is but maybe that's why your MW isn't worried. A little in your urine isn't a big deal, at least not now.
post #484 of 616

GBS is not a big issue right now. I was GBS+ with DD1. The main thing was when they induced me for my emergency delivery they told me they would be giving me some antibiotics in an IV during my labor to make sure she was okay. (Mind you this was at a large metro hospital with NICU capabilities, so if it was something to really be concerned about I'm sure they would've mentioned it.) I don't remember them doing anything extra for her though once she arrived. She got the usual eye goop, was cleaned off and that was about it.

 

Internet searches during pregnancy are evil!

post #485 of 616

According to the faceless Internet, GBS in the urine means I am super heavily colonized, more so than the usual vaginal/rectal swab indicates.  But my overall concentration of *all* flora in general in my urine isn't very high.  I don't know how I got so thoroughly colonized.  They call it systemic when it's in the urine.  I was GBS- with my son and now I'm teeming with the stuff to the extent that it's made it into my urine?  The medical stuff online makes it sound like someone with GBS in their urine is at risk for infections of the amniotic membrane, the cervix, premature birth, and all this other really scary stuff.

 

I think I will ask about having follow-up tests to make sure the concentration stays low.

post #486 of 616

Also, I hate the Internet!  Ha.

post #487 of 616

Yay, Annie!

 

javilu, can I ask if you were careful to make sure it was a clean-catch urine sample?  If not, you might ask to try it again.  The rule for GBS in clean-catch urine is different from GBS in a vaginal/anal swab because usually it signals a more serious colonization.  I don't think there are any studies showing the risk if your numbers are really low, but since preventing the disease in a newborn is so much easier than treating if it it occurs, the standard of care is just to go for antibiotics during labor if there's any indication of a risk.  For me, they weren't a big deal, but I can understand why folks who want a homebirth might care a lot about it. 

 

ETA:  Sorry for repeating some of what you said, javilu.  I was typing my reply for a while.  I wouldn't worry too much about all that other stuff if your levels are so low that they aren't even going to bother treating you now.  But I agree that keeping an eye on it is a good idea. 

post #488 of 616

I've actually had two urine tests so far (both GBS+).  The first was far from a clean catch (I went in for hyperemesis, was totally dehydrated, hadn't showered in days, my pee was just a dribble of brown liquid, I didn't wash my hands first, just wanted to get it over with and go lay down again).  The second, it was as clean a catch as I could manage.  I've never been very good at those, but I did go through all the right steps.

 

I am already tagged to get antibiotics in labor, which is a whole different concern for me (because I only got to the birth center 2 hours before my son was born), but I've read a bunch of scary stuff saying I should be treated for a GBS UTI *now* because it can cause lots of problems well before birth.  But my numbers are low, and that's for all my flora not just GBS (the lab report says "10,000 to 25,000 cfu/ml Mixed urogenital flora including beta Strep group B" - with the "dirty catch" a few weeks before it was 50,000-75,000, which still isn't very high for regular flora, I guess).  Still, it makes me nervous.  I feel like a ticking time-bomb or something.

 

Edit: the exact message from the midwife is they don't usually treat colonies under 100,000 unless there are UTI symptoms (I don't have any, apart from peeing somewhat often like most pregnant women, but there's no urgency or pain, etc.) in order to prevent antibiotic resistance and yeast infection, which I understand are valid concerns.  Maybe since I am so well under the cut-off, I will try to relax a bit.  Up my probiotics, etc., and keep on top of this (ask for routine testing to make sure the numbers stay low), but not stress.  I really, REALLY don't need any more stress!

post #489 of 616
I'm trying to remember what I took while I was pg with ds3. Since I was having a home birth and wouldn't have access to antibiotics in or just after labor and I was always GBS+ in the past, my MW suggested some natural things. I think I took garlic capsules, echinacea, and maybe GSE in the last trimester. Taking some of that might help.

I got my doppler today. Found baby's heartbeat right away. Between 130 and 150 bpm. Whew! Now that I have it I probably won't feel like I need it. LOL
post #490 of 616

Kicks!!! i'm getting for-sure kicks! I've been feeling the flutters and bubbles since christmas, but after a long stint of infertility, watching every sign, I know how much tummy gurgles can feel like movemement. I'm 18 weeks tomorrow, and for the last few days- there have been definite little thumps! so exciting. that in combination with midwife apointment where she found a strong hb right away, I'm feeling goodjoy.gif 

 

maybe after my u/s at 20 weeks, i'll be able to tell people- when i wear maternity clothes, i look pg for sure! but still hiding in scrubs at work

post #491 of 616

that's exciting!!!
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by slippy View Post

Kicks!!! i'm getting for-sure kicks! I've been feeling the flutters and bubbles since christmas, but after a long stint of infertility, watching every sign, I know how much tummy gurgles can feel like movemement. I'm 18 weeks tomorrow, and for the last few days- there have been definite little thumps! so exciting. that in combination with midwife apointment where she found a strong hb right away, I'm feeling goodjoy.gif 

 

maybe after my u/s at 20 weeks, i'll be able to tell people- when i wear maternity clothes, i look pg for sure! but still hiding in scrubs at work

post #492 of 616
Very cool, slippy!
post #493 of 616

So, we got the numbers from our integrated screen.  The good news is that it came back negative for spina bifida and Trisomy 18.  The bad news is that we got a screen positive (1/22) for Down Syndrome.  Now we have to decide whether to do an amnio.  The nurse said they've got a 1/400 or 1/500 risk of complications, including miscarriage.  Which seems high, but is pretty low compared to other places. 

 

Sigh.  I've felt that the babe does have DS since our NT ultrasound over a month ago.  But I recognize that statistically there's a 94-95% chance that the baby is fine (and probably more, considering that I read recently that vegetarians have way more false positives than non-vegetarians).  I guess I just feel that it would be better to know for sure ahead of time, so whatever the outcome is we can accept it and get ready for it.  But I'm not sure that having that info is worth the risk of miscarriage.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts?  My head is just spinning here. 

post #494 of 616


Hi there,

I will introduce myself in a sec-but saw your post and had to respond. I have been so afraid of something being wrong with this baby, including DS that it even was occupying my thoughts. My reason is that I already live with a health condition which would make it nearly impossible to care for a child for the next 30 years. It is very stressful.

 

So, I decided to consider if I will test-I seem to have a feeling that this little baby is a girl, and may have DS. I'm trying to see what my responses are to various "testing" scenarios. Here's what I've decided:

 

Since I'm over 35, I might consider a blood/screening test, just to know if I should be prepared in-case. I will not do further diagnostic testing, because I wouldn't terminate the pregnancy anyway, and after 3 losses...if this baby sticks...I would never feel right about putting MC back on the table as a "side effect". I know some women want to KNOW. But after all I've been through, if I reach the end of my pregnancy, I want to have spent that time nurturing myself and babe-and not worrying and dealing with grief.

 

Just my two!
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by no5no5 View Post

So, we got the numbers from our integrated screen.  The good news is that it came back negative for spina bifida and Trisomy 18.  The bad news is that we got a screen positive (1/22) for Down Syndrome.  Now we have to decide whether to do an amnio.  The nurse said they've got a 1/400 or 1/500 risk of complications, including miscarriage.  Which seems high, but is pretty low compared to other places. 

 

Sigh.  I've felt that the babe does have DS since our NT ultrasound over a month ago.  But I recognize that statistically there's a 94-95% chance that the baby is fine (and probably more, considering that I read recently that vegetarians have way more false positives than non-vegetarians).  I guess I just feel that it would be better to know for sure ahead of time, so whatever the outcome is we can accept it and get ready for it.  But I'm not sure that having that info is worth the risk of miscarriage.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts?  My head is just spinning here. 

post #495 of 616
Personally, I would not take the risk associated with amnio, even if it is relatively small. It's still an unnecessary risk. I talked to the MFM doc I've been seeing about this. He said that you can get the same info from the Level II u/s so the only reason to have an amnio would be to know sooner. I discussed all of this again today with my midwife and she agreed.

Did you get a clinical indication from your NT scan that baby might have DS? The MFM doc I'm seeing doesn't even recommend the blood tests unless something looks off on the scan. If the scan looks good, he says there's no need for the blood tests.

Is there a practical reason that you would need to know sooner that is worth the risk involved? I'm not asking that question as if there shouldn't be. I'm asking because that's what I'd consider for myself. What would those reasons be? To me, 20 weeks seems long enough to prepare mentally for something like that. The only reason I would need to know about an issue with the baby before birth would be if it precluded me from having a home birth. Finding that out at my Level II u/s is plenty of time for me to make other arrangements if there's a medical need for this baby to be born in a hospital.
post #496 of 616

I am sitting here, a total basket-case of emotions. I don't know any better place to open this can of worms than here, so grap a cuppa...this could be long...

 

I am pregnant. There. I said it. I sometimes look myself in the mirror and mouth the words just to feel what announcing that will feel like. I am crushed by the thought that my chances of having a healthy baby are much lower than they were just 9 short months ago-you know, before I lost 3 babies in a row.

 

Ever time I cramp or feel wet "down there", I run to the bathroom only to be met with some white discharge and no pink or red. On one hand this is reassuring, and strangely on another....it's disconcerting. At least if I were bleeding I would know.

 

I'm stressed because I don't feel pregnant! Aside from fatigue, a little touch of nausea (very very mild), and some food aversions/cravings...I don't feel or look pregnant. All the above symptoms can of course be created in my mind...so I'm not really relying on them.

 

I want to have the need to pee at least 3 times an hour. I have absolutely no increased need to pee. My breasts, in spite of getting dark and full/heavy with my last miscarriage (a missed mc-baby had no heart beat at 9 weeks, stopped growing at 6 and then I didn't miscarry until 13 weeks.) are exactly the same. How can my nipples not be any darker and my bladder not in over-drive, and me still think I'm going to have a live baby at the end of all of this!!??

 

The hardest part are these cramps. They sure feel convincing, but nothing is happening-so I keep telling myself maybe it's the "good" kind of cramping...and then I start to get hopeful...until I remember how blindsided I was with my last miscarriage.

 

I'm a wreck. I am anxious, sad, excited, nervous, afraid and hopeful. And that's just in the last 3 minutes.

 

I go in for my first appointment on Wed, where a beta test will be ordered...and I will get to get on one of the bandwagons-either I'll be able to turn-up the hope and dial-down the dread...or I'll start the grieving process early.

 

What is also bothersome, is that I was under the care of midwives, but miscarried before my first appointment. They didn't even call to see how I was, or follow up with me. They simply transferred my care to an OB, (who is very nice thank goddess!) and that was it. Even worse, now that I've had 3 miscarriages, I have to be under the OBs care for 10-12 weeks, and if I don't miscarry and all goes well-then I'll be "worthy" of being transferred back to the midwives. I feel like: If you aren't willing to walk with me through my loss and grief, WHY would I give you the joy of celebrating at my birth!?

 

Sigh

blahblah.gif

post #497 of 616
hug.gif Gabesgrrrrl. You must be really early if you're just now going for a beta, huh?

I know how you are feeling. I've had 7 1st trimester losses. 4 between ds2 and ds3 and 3 between ds3 and this current pregnancy. One was like your missed m/c. I found out around 10 weeks that baby had stopped growing at around 8 weeks but I didn't miscarry until 11 weeks. I'm 14w2d and I still check for blood every time I use the toilet. I saw an OB until I got to 9 weeks. (He thought I was 10 weeks.) That was not because I had to, though, but because I wanted to. I saw my MW once before I started to miscarry last time. She stuck with me through the whole thing even though she referred me to a MFM doc. She called to check on me for about a month or so. I would be upset and hurt, too, if she had just dropped me. I don't think I'd want to go back, either.

I wish there were some words that would help you relax but I know there aren't any. There's nothing to do but get through it.
post #498 of 616

Gabesgrrl - I don't know if you meant to post here specifically, but I can relate to the fear.  I had two losses in a row last summer/fall (as in, two losses in two months) and this pregnancy occurred immediately afterward.  I can't really even "relate" to the idea of having a healthy, normal pregnancy, although I have obviously had one before.  It seems so long ago, it feels like a fluke.

 

At least once a day I am sure I will see blood when I go to the bathroom, and, frustratingly, I've been right more than once.  I'll be 15 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I don't see this fear letting up anytime soon.  And for every pregnancy symptom I do have (hyperemesis being the most convincing one), I can thing of some other sign that I'm not pregnant or that things are going wrong (for example, I'm still nursing my son with no problem, which the Internet has convinced me is abnormal and in turn makes my mind wander to thoughts like "Is my progesterone low?" and so forth).  I hyperanalyze EVERY LITTLE TWINGE.

 

I feel incredibly vulnerable and scared all the time.

 

Anyway, if you meant to post in the July 2011 DDC, welcome!  If you're looking for a more general Pregnancy After Loss thread, we have one going in the "Pregnancy Loss" forum.  Welcome!

post #499 of 616

Congatulations, Gabesgrrrl.  I hope your betas are just perfect and you have a healthy, boring 9 months.  Am I right in thinking that you're only just now pregnant?  If so, you might want to look into starting/joining a pal thread in your own DDC for support.  (Though you are welcome here, we are all in or near our 2nd trimester in this DDC.) 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabesgrrrl View Post

 

Since I'm over 35, I might consider a blood/screening test, just to know if I should be prepared in-case. I will not do further diagnostic testing, because I wouldn't terminate the pregnancy anyway, and after 3 losses...if this baby sticks...I would never feel right about putting MC back on the table as a "side effect". I know some women want to KNOW. But after all I've been through, if I reach the end of my pregnancy, I want to have spent that time nurturing myself and babe-and not worrying and dealing with grief.


I guess my feeling is that I'd prefer to get the grief out of the way before the babe is born so that I can fully celebrate his or her birth when it happens without any disappointment or regret.  And I am definitely a worrier, so it's not as though I can just put it out of my mind at this point. 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post

Personally, I would not take the risk associated with amnio, even if it is relatively small. It's still an unnecessary risk. I talked to the MFM doc I've been seeing about this. He said that you can get the same info from the Level II u/s so the only reason to have an amnio would be to know sooner. I discussed all of this again today with my midwife and she agreed.

Did you get a clinical indication from your NT scan that baby might have DS? The MFM doc I'm seeing doesn't even recommend the blood tests unless something looks off on the scan. If the scan looks good, he says there's no need for the blood tests.

Is there a practical reason that you would need to know sooner that is worth the risk involved? I'm not asking that question as if there shouldn't be. I'm asking because that's what I'd consider for myself. What would those reasons be? To me, 20 weeks seems long enough to prepare mentally for something like that. The only reason I would need to know about an issue with the baby before birth would be if it precluded me from having a home birth. Finding that out at my Level II u/s is plenty of time for me to make other arrangements if there's a medical need for this baby to be born in a hospital.


Hm.  The nurse I spoke to said that only about half of DS babies show any signs at all in a level II u/s.  And of course not all babies that do show signs will have DS.  So we'll do that, for sure, but it'll hardly be a conclusive answer.  It'll still be a big question mark unless we do an amnio.

 

The babe's NT is a bit larger than would be ideal (2.58) but not hugely out of the normal range.  The nurse said that they don't really consider it to be abnormal unless it is greater than 3, but obviously 2.58 is a lot closer to 3 than to 1, which is where they'd prefer it to be.

 

So, no, there's no reason we need to know.  But if we don't do an amnio, we won't know until the birth.  And I just feel that a birth should be a joyous event, and I'm not sure how I'll react if I haven't dealt with it emotionally and then suddenly I've got a little DS babe in my arms.  But then, I do remember holding DD right after she was born and just thinking to her in my head how much I loved her and how I would love her no matter what, even if it turned out that she was profoundly mentally or physically disabled.  Maybe it's more about telling friends & family ahead of time so that they will know how to react.  But then, I can do that now, can't I? 

 

Anyway, thanks for helping me process.  I am feeling better about it, though I'm still not sure what my decision will be. 

post #500 of 616
Quote:
Originally Posted by no5no5 View Post

Hm.  The nurse I spoke to said that only about half of DS babies show any signs at all in a level II u/s.  And of course not all babies that do show signs will have DS.  So we'll do that, for sure, but it'll hardly be a conclusive answer.  It'll still be a big question mark unless we do an amnio



None of those tests are 100% accurate, even the CVS and amnio. They are very close at around 98%, but still not 100% conclusive. There is no prenatal testing that I've come across that can tell you with 100% accuracy that your child will or will not have any birth defect or problem. KWIM? How long do you have before you have to decide?

Maybe I got the answer I got because I was worried more about something that would preclude me from having a homebirth rather than DS, specifically. I haven't been told that a DS baby necessarily needs anything special at birth. IDK.

Having a baby with DS is just not a concern for me. I'm 40. This will definitely be our last. With all the miscarriages I've experienced, I just want to have live baby. I'll worry about the rest later. That's my thinking on it for me and why I never even considered an amnio or CVS.

Remember when we were talking about fundal height a while back? I said I could feel mine maybe 2 fingers below my belly button. When my MW checked it yesterday she said it was a bit higher than she expected. I guess mine gets high fast. That would explain why I could feel mine before someone else could feel there's.

I was talking to her about how I don't have a baby bump yet but I have a belly bump. My own belly is very high and protruding so that I look like I'm around 6 months pregnant already. She said that's probably because I have such a short waist so there's nowhere for anything to go but out.

javilu ~ Stop reading stuff on the internet! I know, way easier said than done. I search the internet relentlessly when I'm worried about something. You won't find that crystal ball that will tell you that everything is going to be ok (I realized that's what I was looking for.) but you will find a lot of info that could upset you more. It's not worth it.
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