MW - I'm 17 weeks today, so you and I are pretty close. I really hope the baby does come in July and not August, for a silly reason (I like Julio as a name for a boy!), and my son was born 3 days before his EDD, so maybe this one will follow the same pattern.
I don't have an anatomy scan scheduled yet. I was supposed to have my second pre-natal (first real midwife) visit at 15 weeks, but I had to cancel it (husband had jury duty), and I rescheduled for last Friday, and *they* canceled on me, so now I have no visit scheduled and it's been six weeks since my preliminary visit. To be honest, I am less enamored by the midwife group this time around (even though I have yet to meet with an actual midwife). I'm annoyed that the NP (she works with them and did my first exam) pushed the fetal screening on me after I said "no" several times, ordered an A1c test for me (which I "passed" with no ambiguity, but I tried to decline and was met with way too much resistance), and did a SUPER ROUGH internal exam on me, and at the other end of the spectrum, they are unconcerned by my asymptomatic UTI. Anyway, I just feel myself distancing myself from the medical side of this whole thing, in spite of (or maybe along with) my paranoia.
I also have times (almost daily) when I just can't believe things are okay or are going to be okay. I felt this way at times with my son (he took over a year to conceive, and I was convinced I had fertility problems and should not get my hopes up...I still feel that way (not about him, but about my body) I guess). I am on medications (for asthma and for hyperemesis) and both are very widely used in pregnancy and I wouldn't hesitate to set anyone else's mind at ease about them, but I would so much prefer to be medication-free. But I can't function without either one. I just want a healthy, "normal" pregnancy, but I don't think I would have one anyway, emotionally and mentally. I have lost so much trust in my body. It's kind of funny...I have a few friends who have or will recently have their first babies and they worry about birth, if they'll be able to "do it naturally" and so forth and they look to me for guidance. I don't think about birth. I am so preoccupied with getting to that point...it's a blip on my radar, birth.
I know I'll be so scared going into the anatomy scan, but it will also hopefully set my mind at ease. I feel guilt about taking the medications, but I can't really do much about it, so it's more regret than guilt, I guess. I *do* feel a bit guilty about having conceived this little one immediately following 2 consecutive miscarriages (as in, I conceived and miscarried in September and October and conceived this last time immediately after in November, with no periods in-between), like I didn't give him/her the best possible starting conditions. But we really did DTD just once and I didn't think I could possibly conceive three months in a row (especially given how long I usually take to conceive).
Sorry for rambling. Long story short, I am running behind on my midwife appointments and not feeling too badly about it.