I am going back to school in the spring. YIPES!!!!!
Any tips/advise/words of wisdom from mamas that are there right now or have been there?
I am so freaked out that I am going to be a huge failure and totally disappoint my kids.
Yes you can do it but it's hard! I'm recently widowed and found myself a single mother in the middle of doing my graduate degree. I find that there is no "me" time except watching a bit of TV in the evenings (unless there's a test or an imminent deadline)! Any "baby-free" time is spent studying and I feel guilty if I'm not doing something work related during the time DD is with her sitter.
It probably also depends on how old your kids are - if they're in school, it will be easier on you - and whether you have family/a good support network around. It's been hard with a baby and now toddler (I found out I was PG a week into my first year in 2007 and went part-time when DD was 3 months old). BUT saying all this, it will mean that on graduation there's a good chance I'll be able to get a decent job and thank God, because now I have to raise DD alone.
Good luck and it will be worth it!!
Hjrowan, I'm a widowed mama too. My kids are in school full time so that will make it a little easier. But I am an impatient person, so my plan is to go full time. I NEED to do this and get it done! Very recently I have started setting some very high but realistic goals for myself and the only way they will ever be attainable is if I go to school and get a career as opposed to just working another job.
I'm full-time this quarter and it's definitely do-able, just requires self-discipline
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I posted a while back to see if there were any other widows around but didn't get much of a response. I'm on YWBB but sometimes it would be nice to get an MDC perspective on raising a child as a widowed single parent, as we may have different problems to those going through divorces/custody. I'd be grateful for any advice you have on how to travel this path (feel free to PM).
I have found the only way to travel is one day at a time. I know it sounds trite, but it is as honest as I can be. There are good day and bad. You NEVER know what will set you or the babes off. I really try to look at the positive. DD2 is 8 now, she was 6 when DH passed away. She gets very emotional at the drop of a hat. I try to turn it around from, "I miss daddy" to "Remember how funny it was when daddy..." or "Daddy was the best, what is your favorite memory of him." I know they need a chance to grieve and cry but I don't want every time they think about him to be a depressing moment. Especially since he was one of the most alive happy people I have ever met. It almost seems, to me, like I would almost be ruining the memory of his beautiful spirit if I let the kids feel melancholy every time they thought about him.
Thanks for that - it's good to remember that I have to turn things from negative to positive. My DD is only 2 1/2 but she's old enough to miss her daddy a lot and she often cries for him when she's hurt or upset. DH was also a very happy positive person and I hope in spite of everything that DD will turn out like him in that respect.
I'm definitely doing the "one day at a time" thing... it's only been two months but every day I get a little stronger and a little more able to cope on my own, of course there are bad days too but that goes without saying. Thanks for chatting
I went down to the local Community College to spend some time with DD1, I knew she had a break in her classes in the morning. Actually got to see an advisor and pick out my classes and got them signed off!! So when registration rolls around I dont have to go all over campus, just right to the registrar and I will be in and out in just a couple minutes!!! YAY!!!
i hope you are not taking too many classes. that you are full time but not over time.
talk talk talk to students around you. DONT DONT DONT take more classes than you can handle. talk to other students to find out what are hard or time consuming classes.
the first semester is always a hard one. you have to figure out how to work things out. as others pointed out self discipline is of utmost importance.
remember DONT ignore your own needs.
as much as fun school is - it is also a LOT of hard work. at least at work you are free once you leave. at school there is nothing like an 'end'. there is always something happening.
what i did was create a schedule. a realistic one. write your class schedule, then fit in what your kids need, then your needs (like half hour for lunch) and then your study plans.
remember the last month of a semester is the hardest. a LOOOOT of work. a lot coming at you and you have to keep up.
if you can keep taking a PE class that will balance out your health needs.
but be careful. there is no MUST. i have suffered with that myself. DONT overdo yourself. DONT spread yourself too thin. school is extremely difficult and real high stress.
dont depend on your counsellors. talk talk talk to others. go to proffs offices and get to know them.
i am a full time student myself and coparent.