Wanted to add, that my dd1 struggles with anxiety/panic/something-or-other, too, so I'm very familiar with the kind of upset you're talking about. She's been this way since birth—high needs/high strung/opinionated/sensitive—she's a very special kid. We did do an educational eval at the request of the school, but it didn't help us that much. I specifically asked about anxiety, but she didn't meet the criteria. I liked the psych, too, but I wouldn't wait for that to be the solution to your problems. Dd1 has such anxious tendencies that it has affected her schoolwork. She refused to work on reading at all with her teachers, ever. Would collapse in a puddle of tears if asked to do a "reading meeting" with her K teacher, and just meowed her way through most of 1st and 2nd grade. She still has issues now in 4th, but is reading Harry Potter on her own and working through her problems much more effectively.
If it were my kid with the backpack (which it could be), I would talk about how it's causing problems and try the "organized and pretty" approach I outlined above. If she balks at that I would do some collaborative problem solving ala How To Talk so Kids Will Listen... and Ross Greene's The Explosive Child. Empathize with her. Write the problem down on a piece of paper, then you and she take turns coming up with all the possible solutions you can think of. Let her say anything she wants including "take all my stuff" or anything—"flush your shoes down the toilet", "beeboo blaboo". Whatever it is, write it down. Then when you've both run out of ideas go back over them and take turns again crossing off the ones you don't like or won't help until you're left with one or more that will work. This process gives her some control over the situation (important with anxiety) and shows her you value what she has to say and you're taking this problem seriously. Sometimes kids come up with some really good ideas, too! Explain the whole process of writing everything down and crossing things off in advance so she knows what's going on. This is my fallback when we really hit an impasse. My dd2 loooooves it. It's very empowering for the kids, since you're working together to come up with a solution.
If it were my kid with the backpack (which it could be), I would talk about how it's causing problems and try the "organized and pretty" approach I outlined above. If she balks at that I would do some collaborative problem solving ala How To Talk so Kids Will Listen... and Ross Greene's The Explosive Child. Empathize with her. Write the problem down on a piece of paper, then you and she take turns coming up with all the possible solutions you can think of. Let her say anything she wants including "take all my stuff" or anything—"flush your shoes down the toilet", "beeboo blaboo". Whatever it is, write it down. Then when you've both run out of ideas go back over them and take turns again crossing off the ones you don't like or won't help until you're left with one or more that will work. This process gives her some control over the situation (important with anxiety) and shows her you value what she has to say and you're taking this problem seriously. Sometimes kids come up with some really good ideas, too! Explain the whole process of writing everything down and crossing things off in advance so she knows what's going on. This is my fallback when we really hit an impasse. My dd2 loooooves it. It's very empowering for the kids, since you're working together to come up with a solution.
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