Long term weaning strategies

[plantnerd]

Hi,

My son will be 1 year next month. I am not ready to wean now, but would like to begin the process and have him fully weaned between 18 and 24 months. He is a great eater and really more of a comfort nurser at this point. He is in bed with us about half the night, I sleep topless and he is latched the whole time.

My questions are:
To be gentle to him and myself, when should I begin cutting back with a goal of 18 months in mind?
Ideas for sleep/cosleeping without the magic boob out all night? I am not opposed to a little supported crying.
What should his fluid intake be if not bf as often? He is good with water. We do very little juice and have started some cows milk.

THX!

[porcelina]

Not sure if you will get a lot of replies on this one, so thought I should chime in! I feel among my peer group there is sort of a point of no return with regards to weaning. If you make it past about 14 months, it gets MUCH harder to wean! Of course, it depends on the temperament of your child and his attachment to you, as well as how often he is nursing, etc. In my case, my son was pretty high needs and intense, and used comfort nursing a lot. We tried nightweaning about 4 times between 14 and 24 months, and failed each time (he would be up for 2 hours at each waking when denied nursing, even after 3 nights). We finally mostly nightweaned him at 25 months, except for one nursing session which he constantly fights to keep, now at 34 months!

Anyway, one friend of mine who weaned around 14-16 months started to schedule feedings at certain times of the day, and then toddler started to "drop" feedings. In reality, I think he was just not interested at the "scheduled" time, so she stopped giving it to him at those times. When he asked outside the scheduled times she refused. One of the hardest one was the one before bed. She started having the nursing session before bath instead of right before bed, and then once that was the routine, cut it out completely. This way it was disassociated with sleeping first, and then easier to cut out. The other last feeding that was hard to stop was the first one of the day. She cut this one by just taking him downstairs for milk immediately.

In general, I think that is the gentle approach -- just gradually drop the number of feedings per day. Supposedly you can offer cow's milk in a sippy cup or some other alternative if they ask (though this never worked for us!).

For night weaning, check out Dr. Jay Gordon's approach:
http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html
I know many people who have had success with this approach. The key for those I know for whom it has worked is to actually do it even more gradually, like at least a week at each step (instead of 3 days).

I think they need 3 8 oz cups of milk per day, but check with your pediatrician on that one.

If you really want him weaned by 18 months, it's good to start the planning now. But again, I'd say you'd be better off doing it earlier rather than later, unless you're willing to go for the long haul (upwards of 2 years), because it gets harder and harder to do! Good luck!

[namistenicole]

That link resource answered so many questions for me, thank you!

[plantnerd]

Thanks for all of the info!

Two years is my personal outside limit. I would like to return to work and get him started in preschool about that time. At this point he is barely nursing during the day due to busy toddler adventures but can nurse all night happily. I would just prefer not to be pumping/bottles/blah blah while trying to work.

Thanks for the advice. After I wrote the post it kinda hit me that I was asking for parent led weaning advice on a board where many mothers nurse until 3, 4, 5 years old. It's hard to find weaning info out there! Everything either says "if you must wean your child before he is ready" or the complete opposite "infants do not need breastmilk past the age of 12 months". It's hard to find a middle ground, and it seems no matter where you go you're stepping on someone's toes

[akind1]

ITA! DS is almost a year (in about 2 weeks, 15 days really) and I plan on stopping pumping then at work, and only nursing at home. I don't have a real end date for weaning completely, but while I am more than happy to nurse beyond a year for him (for us) I don't know that I am happy to do it for beyond 2 years. If anyone else has advice for weaning to solids I would be happy to hear it! It is so easy when he is hungry to just whip out a boob instead of offering him "real" food . . .He is a great eater when we are out, but not so much when we are home.

GL!

[blessedwithboys]

Originally Posted by plantnerd

I would just prefer not to be pumping/bottles/blah blah while trying to work.

Just wanted to point out that none of this is necessary when talking about nursing such an older baby.

[mkksmom]

What I did with my older dd was after about 14 months, I started "Don't offer; don't refuse." I also kept her well fed. I would reach a point where nursing was bugging me and I would keep her busy through a feeding. We never scheduled feedings, so it wasn't as precise as that, but I just offered a snack and drink mid morning or mid afternoon and kept her busy. Didn't sit down, etc. By about 16 months, she was down to nursing only in the morning and then at night. I did a much more gradual version of the Jay Gordon method. I've already started it with my 13 month old. I let her nurse but not completely to sleep. I use the Pantley Pull-off and I also position myself so if she wants to nurse, she has to hold her head up. If she wants to lay down and sleep, she has to stop nursing. If she gets upset, I let her nurse. Eventually, ODD learned to fall asleep without nursing. Hopefully this LO will learn as easily.

At 17 months, she was down to 1 feeding. I had to take a very strong medicine and ended up cutting that feeding out at almost 18 months. It was very gradual and pretty easy on both of us. She is a cuddly kind of kid, so we just snuggled a lot.

[mkksmom]

Oh, and I agree. There is no pumping or bottles at work after a year, and it would be easily possible to night-wean and only nurse twice a day. I just got touched out by 18 months, and my skin crawled when nursing. I needed the medicine reason for weaning to push me over the edge, but if it weren't for the fact that nursing made me crazy, I could have kept up a feeding or 2 a day for a long time.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I'm in school full time, and my ds spends EOW with his dad, and one night per week. He's still nursing at 22mo, going strong, and I don't pump AT ALL anymore (unless I get super engorged on a weekend). He's also mostly nightweaned at this point, so he's not latched on at night any longer.

I tried to wean a few times during that age range as well, and it was impossible. If your ds is mostly night nursing at this point, you could start by trying to night wean (I waited until 18mo to nightwean), and see what that leads to, and go from there maybe.

[Parker'smommy]

I just wanted to chime in and ditto that you don't have to wean to go back to work or have him go to preschool. You don't have to pump, if you don't want to. It isn't an all or nothing thing. Lots of working moms stop pumping after a year and just nurse their child when at home.

Also, my preschooler was still breastfeeding when she went to preschool. It wasn't an issue. In fact, no one, except his teacher, who I told later in the year, even knew she still nursed. I didn't try to hide it. It just didn't even come up.

[namistenicole]

Originally Posted by mkksmom 

...I also position myself so if she wants to nurse, she has to hold her head up. If she wants to lay down and sleep, she has to stop nursing. 

I like this! Can you describe how you do this?