Why does she scream at me after nursing?

[ThankfulMama]

DD is 17mos old and lately she has screaming fits/meltdowns every time we are done nursing. It does not matter whether she ends the session or I end it, the result is the same when I clip my nursing bra or tank closed or re-clothe myself. She is stretching the sessions longer and longer. This is getting increasingly frustrating. Any ideas? I have also tried telling her we will nurse until ____ and other techniques, but they haven't helped.

[momma_bear]

I have this same issue at night only.  She basically wants to keep the nipple in her mouth until she's in a deep sleep.  I'm not sure what to do about it either, except I that I think it'll eventually come down to me saying and insisting "no, all finished" and her screaming every time until she eventually realizes that's the way it's going to be from now on...I hate leaving the nipple in her mouth 'cause it means a long time of lying there in one position until she's in a deep sleep, which is VERY uncomfortable for me and results in a worse night's sleep.

[ThankfulMama]

Yes! (sorry i haven't checked this post for a while.  it had gone so long without a response. :-))  I am still at a loss.  I posted this 3 weeks ago and she is still holding strong.  I'm not really sure what to do.  She gets mad and pulls my hair, scratches, hits, kicks.  I'm feeling pretty upset about it as I don't know how to best handle this response.

[momma_bear]

Oh that's rough.  Mine isn't being violent with me, only screaming.  

She needs to understand that hitting, pulling hair, scratching, etc is something you will NOT tolerate.  I think in that situation I would say "be gentle with mommy" and/or "that hurts Mommy...Ow!" she'll probably cry at this point and then you can cuddle her and THEN bring out the nipple....this way you're not refusing the nipple as punishment for the behaviour, rather you're addressing the bad behaviour itself before supplying the nipple (if that makes any sense).   Whenever DD has behaved in this way I've always acted shocked and said the above and it has nipped it in the bud pretty quickly (i.e. she tried it once or twice and then never again).

As for extending the nursing session...like I said, I have the same issue (I feel like a human pacifier at night!) and have no idea how to solve it without just ignoring the protest which I haven't done yet but then she's been a bit better this week so we'll see....

[D_McG]

What are you doing when she does that?  (how are you reacting).  Does it prompt you to continue nursing her? 

[ThankfulMama]

Thanks for the responses.  Here's what happens.  I nurse her during the day or night for about 10 minutes, sometimes longer.  During the day she is VERY distracted (when we are in our quiet home alone, together) and so when she pulls off to look at other things I ask her "all done?" Then she gets right back to nursing.  Sometimes she will continue to pull off every couple sucks so I just give her somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 minutes (which is a bit longer than what she nursed for before this all started).  She is most violent in her protests when it involves sleep (daytime naps or at night).  At night she does not get distracted, but she will just not stop.  She wants my nipple in her mouth.  So when I unlatch her, she screams and then begins kicking, hitting, pulling hair, scratching both me and DH, but mostly me because I'm closer to her.  Since this began, I have been telling her "soft touches, please" or "please be gentle" and model a soft touch to her.  I have said "ow," and I tell her that if she can't use soft touches, mommy has to move away from her because hitting hurts.  I usually then back up a bit or sit at the end of the bed.  She wil usually come crying over to me and I tell her we can try again and ask her to show mommy a soft touch.  She does that (with the exception of certain times when she is REALLY mad, then it takes longer).  Lately this has been repeating itself (at night only) when I then take her back to the top of the bed to lay down again.  

I haven't refused her nursing as a punishment, because she only starts this behavior when we are done.  The thing I have not done is nurse her again immediately following the behavior because I don't want to make an association that I will cave if she acts this way.  

I'm not sure if my response to her hitting, etc. is appropriate.  If so, does it just take a million repetitions?  One especially bad night, after several repetitions of moving to the end of the bed then returning to lay down together, she followed me to the end of the bed and continued scratching etc., so I gently lifted her off the bed onto the floor and sat there on the edge of the bed next to her.  DH wasn't happy with me for that, but its hard to know what is the right thing to do at 2am when you are being attacked. :-(  Was this over the top?  Am I handling this wrong?  Help!

[D_McG]

you kind of are caving though if you let her try again, right?  (I am not sure if I am interpreting your post correctly b/c you say you don't let her try if she hits you but then in the last paragraph you say that after 'multiple repititions' you finally sat her on the floor). 

It sounds like a simple limits issue to me.  Before you nurse her say "if you yell/scratch me we're done until ___ (nap time, whatever)".   And then follow through.  Just stop nursing her and bring her to the next activity.  Don't engage much in the whole thing.  Just be firm and move on.

That approach has worked for both of mine.

[ThankfulMama]

No, the 'trying again' is to lay back down in the bed to go to sleep (we stop nursing, she screams and hits etc., I tell her to use soft touches, if she doesn't then I move out of reach, she follows, I ask again for soft touches and we return to the top of the bed to lay down, she begins screaming again as soon as we lay down, repeat).  We don't nurse again once we are done.