What is my child's potential?

[2xand2y]

I am so extremely frustrated. DD is 10 and in the 5th grade and I'm so tired of seeing "perfect" straight A report cards. She puts no real effort into school. She just shows up does what the teachers ask and turns in her homework. She gets A's on tests and quizzes. She says she is bored. The best year we've had so far was 3rd, but she skipped 2nd so it was a more challenging year for her. I'm tired of begging teachers and administrators to step it up. I've seen her standardize test scores and she rarely misses a question. Her MAPS score indicates she reads at a 10th grade level (or at least she did 6 months ago). I feel like she will never reach her full potential like this. We have no idea what she could do if more were required of her. Right now she hardly has to try at all and she gets A's.

I need specific ideas for what to ask for next. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

[kcparker]

You could try homeschooling, or you could look for other programs that will better meet her intellectual needs, either residential (boarding school), or within driving distance or in a place that you can move to. One of my cousins went to Bard College at Simon's Rock and absolutely loved it (I know your DD is still a little ways off from that, but this is the type of program I am thinking of). It's hard. I spent most of my school years being under-challenged, and it stinks. Be her advocate and find her what she needs. Don't let her lay in a stagnant pool when she could be swimming in the ocean.

[serenbat]

Home-school

or take her out part-time, find an area of interest (ex. history)-find a local college, community college, historical society and have her take a class or do "work" at a historical society, etc - many college will work with you, start with one class, any thing to challenge one area, and then go from there---if she can do it and still get her A's do two programs/classes out side of school

say simply to the school- what can you do for her? if they can't come up with an option make your own, here, we are doing this and she still will do the "regular" required school work

there are ways to make things work

[2xand2y]

I home-schooled part of kindergarten (pulled her out b/c she was bored). I put her back in public school when she should have been a 2nd grader according to their cut off. In weeks they had moved her to third. Third grade was great. Fourth grade was like pulling teeth all year. I was waiting for 5th grade because all the city's kids are in one school this year and are grouped according to ability. I thought the change would provide what she needs. I was wrong. Homeschooling was great but she is very social and I am an introvert. It was extremely painful for me to get her what she needed and that left me feeling depleted to meet my other kids needs.

[cyncyn]

I was not challenged in school and so far my dd hasn't been either (but her new class is definitely the best yet). I think instilling a love of learning is important, more important than school work. I am feeling like dd goes to school for the social aspect and to learn important things like waiting/delayed gratification, compromising, mediation, how to be a good friend, etc. and I'm actually feeling ok with that. I don't expect all of her learning to come from school or a book. I never had to work hard in school, and I enjoyed going, it was low stress and fun for me, with plenty of free reading. I am not nearly as social as dd. She is an only child and enjoys being around other kids. If she wants additional challenges outside school, I will offer advanced summer camps or musical instruments, sports etc. How does your dd feel about school?

[whatsnextmom]

I have to admit, I hate the word "potentiol." Potentiol is nothing but other people's ideas of what you should be doing. What does your DD want? Does she want harder math? Why not ask for a subject acceleration? Reading at 10th grade level doesn't really mean as much in 5th grade as it did in 1st grade. Is she not being allowed to read her own choice of material for book projects? If not, advocate for that. 5th grade in our area is all about open-ended projects.... research, essays, science projects, history simulations, ect. That's all stuff that can be brought to her level based on how much effort she puts into it. Is her class not doing these types of things? If they are, then perhaps she needs more encouragement to go the extra mile. If they aren't, well, I'm not sure how they are meeting anyone's needs.

What does your child do outside of school? Maybe it's time to up the quality of her extracurriculars. If she's doing theatre, consider a higher caliber program, some professional auditions, ect. If she's in soccer how about joining a club program that requires a higher level performance. There are lots of ways for kids to find challenge within their areas of interest. Sometimes this is more successful and fulfilling to the child.

[straighthaircurly]

Here is what I am doing in a similar situation (DS is in 2nd grade, 7 yo):

1) Pushing the school for differentiation, especially for math since they already do a pretty good job differentiating in literacy. I volunteer at least once a week to help the teacher in the classroom so that it is easier for that to happen.

2) Sign DS up for activities outside school that are more open ended and feed his interests. Right now he is taking a Legos Gears class, joined chess club, and Cub Scouts (working on belt loops and achievement pins gives him new topics to explore).

3) Encourage him to take part in the Science, Art, and Culture Fair at school. Right now he has developed a strong interest and great eye for nature photography so he has started working on a portfolio of photos that he is organizing in a scrapbook. He plans to do a photography project for the Fair.

4) If the challenges don't improve in math, I am considering asking the school to allow him to take the Stanford EPGY online classes in math as a substitute for his current curriculum. It is self-paced. My main complaint with his current math is that he doesn't need the repetition they provide and there are few opportunities to work ahead in an organized fashion.

5) Or if #3 won't fly, I will partially homeschool.

The word potential is an interesting one and can be a dangerous one. But I think when kids are young (especially elementary age) is the time to instill a sense of enjoying a challenge. At the start of the year he was "happy" to just do the really basic assignments given. He resisted when the teacher started providing 3rd grade level work for him (upon my request). But after trying some, he realized they were much more interesting. Now he dives into his math homework. Last night he was laughing and saying, "Ooh tricky! They almost tricked me, but I figured it out!"

One thing I am always cautious about watching...I don't want to give him extra work because he is gifted. I want him to have deeper level work, not more work. At this age (and really every age), making him feel loaded down with quantity rather than having quality will only make him resentful rather than curious and excited.

[moominmamma]

I agree with whatsnextmom; I hate the word "potential." My great potential led me to obligingly agree to follow all sorts of paths that made me fairly miserable. I could have been a great internist. Or a great writer. Or maybe a great violinist. None of those things would have made me happy. I followed those paths because people who saw my ability wanted me to live up to my potential. In the end what mattered was what I wanted to do, what I wanted to excel at, what made me happy. Which was being an amateur violinist, and a violin teacher, and a parent, and a lowly family doc doing mostly adolescent sexual health care, and a reader and a sorta-back-to-the-land-er.

I have two kids who were "destined for greatness" on the piano. I allowed both of them to underachieve (for them) and eventually quit. Their piano teacher was flabbergasted. They had won all sorts of awards and accolades. My elder kid had soloed with an orchestra at age 12. But so what? Piano wasn't her passion.

End of rant.

All of this is to say ... what does your dd want? I was underchallenged all through elementary school, but I was happy. I had connections with adults who cared about me and who I cared about. I was curious and self-motivated and happy. I didn't need high school math in 5th grade, because I was reasonably well engaged in school, and enjoyed doing well. I challenged myself through music and play.

I was underchallenged all through high school too, and then I was unhappy. That's when I needed something different. I got into a lot of trouble, and set off on a lot of wrong turns and dead ends as a result.

What does your daughter want? Is she happy? That's what counts, IMO.

Miranda

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by cyncyn

I was not challenged in school and so far my dd hasn't been either (but her new class is definitely the best yet). I think instilling a love of learning is important, more important than school work. I am feeling like dd goes to school for the social aspect and to learn important things like waiting/delayed gratification, compromising, mediation, how to be a good friend, etc. and I'm actually feeling ok with that. I don't expect all of her learning to come from school or a book. I never had to work hard in school, and I enjoyed going, it was low stress and fun for me, with plenty of free reading. I am not nearly as social as dd. She is an only child and enjoys being around other kids. If she wants additional challenges outside school, I will offer advanced summer camps or musical instruments, sports etc. How does your dd feel about school?

: this was me. I coasted through school until senior year and stupid calculus, it was the only class I had to work to get a grade for, really. But I really enjoyed school a lot, and I think I got a lot out of it. I'm not solving world problems, but I am very happy with my life. I still LOVE learning things, whether or not I'll ever use them in my life. LOVE learning.

Originally Posted by moominmamma

All of this is to say ... what does your dd want? I was underchallenged all through elementary school, but I was happy. I had connections with adults who cared about me and who I cared about. I was curious and self-motivated and happy. I didn't need high school math in 5th grade, because I was reasonably well engaged in school, and enjoyed doing well. I challenged myself through music and play.

I was underchallenged all through high school too, and then I was unhappy. That's when I needed something different. I got into a lot of trouble, and set off on a lot of wrong turns and dead ends as a result.

What does your daughter want? Is she happy? That's what counts, IMO.

Miranda

and this, too. If she's bright, ask her opinion.

[Galatea]

Originally Posted by cyncyn

I was not challenged in school and so far my dd hasn't been either (but her new class is definitely the best yet). I think instilling a love of learning is important, more important than school work. I am feeling like dd goes to school for the social aspect and to learn important things like waiting/delayed gratification, compromising, mediation, how to be a good friend, etc. and I'm actually feeling ok with that. I don't expect all of her learning to come from school or a book. I never had to work hard in school, and I enjoyed going, it was low stress and fun for me, with plenty of free reading. I am not nearly as social as dd. She is an only child and enjoys being around other kids. If she wants additional challenges outside school, I will offer advanced summer camps or musical instruments, sports etc. How does your dd feel about school?

This is how my schooling was. They let me take advanced math, so I finished calculus by 10th grade, and took as many AP classes as possible, but otherwise, I stayed in the regular classes. Then in college she can take harder stuff and be ready for it. As they advance in school, the topics become more important than the level the child reads at, if that makes sense. Like in middle school, basic physical science is important and is not something that kids just know b/c they are very very bright. Or in high school, learning about history and discussing it with other kids at the same emotional level is an important learning experience and cannot be replaced by just reading ahead. For now, I would get her involved in some enrichment that she likes, even if it is just free reading. Take her easy ability on the schoolwork as a blessing - she can get that out of the way and then do what she wants, and have the best of both worlds.