Controlling my anger at a work colleague

[physmom]

A

Edited by physmom - 6/4/11 at 6:42am

[oaktreemama]

My manager (who is awesome) has two rules for writing emails like you need to write.

1. Document everything
2. Be fact based

If you stick with those two things you can be highly critical (which it sounds like this kid needs anyways) and still remain professional.

I would cut and paste the list you gave him and mark in bold red what was not done.

And than simply go through his paper piece by piece and document everything that is wrong and/or missing.

I also would set the clear expectation that you can not continue to tell him time and again what needs to be completed. He has everything he needs per your email.

[Mosaic]

You are well within your right to tell him what you said here. Tell him that until his work meets the minimum standards you had discussed in previous discussions, you are unable to provide him meaningful feedback. I agree that highlighting the things you discussed previously that still weren't done is an excellent step. I also think you could mentioning that you're disappointed in the level of effort he has shown and know he can do better, in a way that is professional; but only you can determine if that statement would spur him to try harder or just make him harder to deal with.

And yes, don't waste more time editing something that's totally worthless.

[justKate]

If you are in a position where you are supposed to hold him accountable, I would go with something like:

1. I asked you to do X.
2. You did Y, which was wrong/inadequate because of A, B, and C.
3. Why?

And don't waste your time working with him further unless he demonsrates a sincere effort to change his M.O.

Ugh. Sorry you're in this situation.

[texmati]

Yes, I've definitely found that when I am upset, I revert to email only. I spend a lot of time documenting, and highlighting facts to make my point. For example, say 7/10 items are unchanged, instead of 'why do I have to tell you time and again to change this?"

Some poeple just need it that clear. I'd also document how much extra work this is causing you/how much of your time it's wasting. Statements like, this person's issues have delayed this project by 2 weeks are more meaningful to a manager than, I don't like working with this person.

[physmom]

A

Edited by physmom - 6/4/11 at 6:43am

[pregnant@40]

Originally Posted by oaktreemama

My manager (who is awesome) has two rules for writing emails like you need to write.

1. Document everything
2. Be fact based

If you stick with those two things you can be highly critical (which it sounds like this kid needs anyways) and still remain professional.

I would cut and paste the list you gave him and mark in bold red what was not done.

And than simply go through his paper piece by piece and document everything that is wrong and/or missing.

I also would set the clear expectation that you can not continue to tell him time and again what needs to be completed. He has everything he needs per your email.

I agree with all of this. Be factual, objective, and unemotional in your assessment of the paper. But remain friendly/approachable to him as a person. And if you feel angry, let the feelings go. You just need to set some boundaries about the whole process, so that you are not wasting your own time, but agree to help once he has met your terms.

[Quinalla]

Originally Posted by physmom

I'm actually going to find my old list and just say you still need to do number 5, 6, 7 etc on the list that's a great idea and it shows clearly that I told him to do it then and he still hasn't. Thanks everyone! I'm starting to feel better about it now.

Yup, this was going to be my advice. It shows your boss that you gave clear instruction that was not followed and I have found the only way to get through to people like this guy you are dealing with is just to keep repeating what they need to do over and over until they finally get tired of you and just do it I try to distance myself emotionally, just the facts and don't take it personally that they don't get it, since it obviously is them not you. Good luck!

[lunarlady]

Some people are so end product minded they find it hard to do detail work (like editing). So in addition to the above, which is great, I suggest you cut the work into sections. For example, say you want to get the first two pages perfect, or the introduction, or first topic /section/chapter. Then ask him to do XYZ to that section. Repeat until that part is up to standard. Set aside and repeat for second section.

Repeat editing is both frustrating and time consuming. Breaking it down prevents having to work with the whole document at a time, and also makes it go faster because it is easier to tell when changes are made. You can even ask him to use edit tracker in the word program to make it easy for you to see what has changed.

Good luck.