Does your DS really like wearing pink?

[Tigerle]

DS (newly four) really likes pink. I hear it's common for the age group and that it is the reason Maria Montessori chose to make the pink tower pink. So DS prefers the pink marker to draw and write with, will pick out the pink item whenever asked to choose, and would have chosen the pink bike helmet if I'd let him.
I felt really weird about not letting him. So how to explain? I tried explaining that "pink is for girls only" is merely a convention, not a rule, that boys can wear pink if they want to but that people might get confused about whether he is a boy or a girl and having people confused annoys them and might annoy him. I have actually gotten oddly hostile-sounding questions about DS being a boy or a girl because my one-year-old's clear paci had a pinkish center or his white hat apparently looked girly, but of course I am mostly wary of the reactions he might get from his pre-school classmates. Not sure whether the value of conformism is a life lesson I want reinforced but surely wearing pink for preschool isn't a hill to die on? and it would be really annying to have to buy a new bike helmet because at some point he refused to wear the pink one...so we went with red.
To make myself feel better about this abject stereotyping, I picked up not just the blue striped pyjamas but also the pink striped ones at the supermarket. DS was very thoughtful unpacking them and pointed out the pink tag (he knows the store does pink tags for girls clothing and blue for boys) "they're really girl's pyjamas aren't they?" So I explained again about conventions and rules, pointed out that the pink was so dark as to be almost bright red and any little boy can wear bright red, and that pyjamas are only worn at home anyway so no one to get confused here as we of course all know that he's a boy. And I told him if he decided not to wear them we could always leave them for DD. We showed them to his papa who agreed that it was definitely pyjamas boys could wear. I let him wear to top for supper before putting it in the wash and he kept stroking it, clearly liking the color.
I know I am totally overthinking this, but it is the little things that lead to big ones, right? And there will be stereotypes to fight against soon.
So how do you handle your little boy wanting to wear pink?

[kriket]

I sit for a 6 year old, and he won't touch a pink anything with a 10 foot pole. So you may be right to shy away from buying pink things because he won't want them next year!

I was one of those girls that HATED pink. It annoyed me to no end that everything I touched had to be pink. So I see no reason that boy=blue girl=pink. If the boy wants pink, let him go for it.

The people in the grocery store who are questioning gender because of a paci... need to slow their roll. Same goes for if a little old lady guess gender wrong and mom eats them alive about "HE'S A BOY!!! HE CAN HAVE LONG HAIR AND WEAR PINK DORA KITTENS IF HE WANTS!!!" I've seen this grocery gender confrontation thing go both ways.

Sure pink and blue have gender associations, but it's not the law, a simple "His name is DS" should be enough of a clue as to gender.

[wemoon]

Well, I have a son who is 9 and loves wearing pink. He also has long hair. He is his own person and I love it. I have never, ever said anything in regards to a color being "boy" or "girl" because really, it's a color. A color has no gender. In fact, I encouraged my kids to think outside the stereotypical clothing options found at any box store. We often shop in the "wrong" section based upon social norms.

[AllyRae]

I think it's just a cultural thing too. I mean, when we were adopting in Vietnam, Jocelyn would be wearing a pink outfit and they'd ask if she was a boy or a girl. I'd say 'girl', but I must have sounded a little shocked because the person answered "oh, it's hard to tell sometimes because we don't do the pink/girl blue/boy thing here as much as they do in the states". Aaaaah. :

My ds never liked wearing pink. But today he was trying to put on his sister's purple lip gloss and he went through a phase where he wanted to wear toenail polish every day. He is the most rough and tumble "pure boy" there is too. And his school principal is a boy and wears a pink shirt at least twice a month.

[Tigerle]

Originally Posted by AllyRae

IMy ds never liked wearing pink. But today he was trying to put on his sister's purple lip gloss and he went through a phase where he wanted to wear toenail polish every day. He is the most rough and tumble "pure boy" there is too. And his school principal is a boy and wears a pink shirt at least twice a month.

Pointing out that a lot of men wear pink shirts occured to me too, after he'd gone to bed (though of course they tend to wear them with very masculine-looking dark suits and ties). And I don't think it would help if a preschool classmate decided to bully him about it!
We have actually had the very same conversations about his wanting to wear a skirt. But at least I knew of some places where men wear "skirts" or at least similar garments (kilts and sarongs were what I could think of) and promised him if we ever happened upon a place that carried kilts he'd get one...

[Lit Chick]

My little brother LOVED pink. Loved loved loved. I had a pink gingham blanket that I hated (I loved blue, somehow that was OK) and he stole it. Still has a little edge of it to this day. I hated dolls, so he got my rejects. His favorite was a pink bodied baby doll. I know he was into them until at least 6.
My mom never tried to make him stop, despite my grandparents freaking out about it. It was never an issue for him.

[Nicole730]

DS likes pink. He will often pick it out if he has a choice. He alternates between that and green.

[leighi123]

Originally Posted by Tigerle

So how do you handle your little boy wanting to wear pink?

I let him wear pink.

If someone comments, he says himself "boys can like pink too, I like lots of colors", or "Im a boy AND I like pink" or "boys can like the same things as girls"

Your son is 4. It sounds like YOU have a problem with him wearing pink, he likes it so let him!

[Oliver'sMom]

I let my ds wear pink too.

Pink is his favorite color...along with purple. He wears pink all the time to preschool and has never had a problem. The only people who ever take notice or say anything are adults. Bullying is a learned behavior and guess where they're getting it!

Ds also wears dresses and hairbows on occasion. What's the problem with letting our boys wear "girl" things? Are people afraid they'll "make" their sons gay? If so, they're complete idiots. I can no more make my son gay than I can make him straight, so I let him wear whatever he darn pleases

[mama2soren]

I think this store has great "boy" clothes which happen to be pink! I love the firetruck shirt.

My DS is only 2.5, but he's always fascinated by the pink shoes at the store. I mean, why wouldn't he be? They're cute and sparkly, and the boys' shoes are brown or blue and almost always boring!

[jeslynn]

My son just turned 4 and loves pink. When we went apple picking he asked for a pink cat painted on his cheek. Others had issues with it but I didn't. It's just a color.

[mrskingred]

DS is 4 and has never asked to wear pink. I wouldn't have a problem with it if he did. He is really into RED - everything has to be red. He layers red t-shirts over non-red clothing, so that he is wearing red. He currently wants a pair if red trousers but I just can't find them anywhere

[ChetMC]

Our DS

Our older DS is 2.5. He likes a lot of traditionally girlie things... but I think that this is mostly from social cues he gets from his sisters that pink and purple are preferred colours, barrettes are something you should always have in your hair, every outfit is better with a necklace, etc.

I've never heard anything about preschool aged boys having a thing for pink. I know that some do, but I don't think it's super common.

[Marimami]

I read this blog post today, and I just thought it might help:

http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/

Holli

[hollytheteacher]

My ds is 3 and is just starting to get interested in pink. Before he would always say red or black were his faves. Now he wears lavender mittens, wears a flower girl dress-up dress at his preschool with ballet slippers (he LOVES the ballet slippers) and often rocks nail polish (usually orange though because he calls it his "construction worker" nail polish lol). The other day he also told me he wants to be a girl scout when he gets older (one of his older girl friends is in brownies). I told him there is also a thing called boy scouts but he said, "no i wanna be a girl scout".

He also loves to play construction worker, spiderman, iron man (not that he knows really who they are, he just likes the character he has seen in stores and whatnot and he loves the iron man ozzie ozborne song).

His interests are 50/50 on what ppl would classify as a "boy" thing or a "girl" thing. I LOVE that he plays whatever he wants and wears whatever colors he wants because I want him to be himself and never worry about what society would choose for him.

[wemoon]

Originally Posted by leighi123

Your son is 4. It sounds like YOU have a problem with him wearing pink, he likes it so let him!

[limabean]

Pink is my DS's favorite color.

He started showing some embarrassment about that fact a few days into 1st grade, when some boys in his class apparently chanted, "[DS] is a girl, [DS] is a girl" because he was coloring with a pink crayon.

But he seems to have bounced back and still proudly proclaims that pink is his favorite color when asked.

I love his independent streak and foster it at home, but it breaks my heart to see the reactions from close-minded people when we're out.

Originally Posted by Marimami

I read this blog post today, and I just thought it might help:

http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/

Holli

That was awesome. I especially liked the part where she said something like, "I'm not worried about your son growing up to be an actual ninja."

[MusicianDad]

Let the boy wear pink! What is the use of teaching him to hide what he likes just because some people might not agree anyway?

DS loves pink, and purple, and anything with sparkles and dresses too. We let him wear all of that. If anyone has a problem with it they can deal with me, the pink wearing papa, and I'll set them straight.

Pink is a colour, and just like girls can like a wear the colour blue, boys can like and wear the colour pink.

[Tigerle]

Originally Posted by leighi123

If someone comments, he says himself "boys can like pink too, I like lots of colors", or "Im a boy AND I like pink" or "boys can like the same things as girls"

Your son is 4. It sounds like YOU have a problem with him wearing pink, he likes it so let him!

You know I had to think long and hard about this.

Do I have a problem with him wearing pink, or other colours stereotyped for girls? No, I don't have a problem with it as such - I am looking forward to putting the pink pyjamas on him (he's already asked for them but they're still in the wash) and his current favourites are lavender. We put pink ribbons on the bike he got for his birthday because I knew he'd enjoy them so much. He's got lots of stuff that's red, orange or salmon.
I hate the stereotypical mud brown stuff with fake graffiti for boys and have always tried to find non-stereotyped clothing and bright colours for him (but have been increasingly unsuccessful) and he has always had a number of items from the girls section. In fact, in the winter before he started preschool, he had a deep pink snowsuit (I loved the colour) and a bright red winter coat with a super practical beige hat with ear flaps. Everyone thought he was a girl with that coat and hat, I don't know how people seemed to sniff out were from the girls section, because I still thought he looked very much like a little boy in it and remember feeling glad that if he didn't mind, I didn't.
(Problems I have with the girls section these days is that the stuff is so much over the top for me - everything appears to be covered with glitter, or rhinestones, or sequins - hate that stuff myself, but maybe it's just me. And looks geared to teenage girls to boot, but I guess that's a different topic for a rant. Let's talk again when DD is old enough for preschool and wants sequins!).

No, it's other people's reactions that have me worried, specifically kids at preschool. He is very quirky (in fact he is great at being an individual and somewhat socially out -of -tune, IYKWIM) and already has trouble fitting in, which worries me - I was bullied badly in school and am probably rather paranoid about it. I was great at being an individual myself and had parents who were great anti-conformists and reinforced individuality, but sometimes I would have appreciated some help with fitting in better. Does that make sense? Kids are superficial creatures and dress matters to so many of them, and it's going to get worse before it gets better. And yes, I realize that I am teaching exactly that kind of superficiality and stereotyping to my child with steering him away from the pink bike helmet and I don't like it, which is why I've opened this thread. If someone's got the magic solution how to help kids navigate that minefield I am all ears!

However, it has been interesting to read how many people have no problems with it and next time DS wants to get something in pink I'll let him, and will let him wear it to preschool. But I do think he needs to be prepared for possible negative reactions like limabean's kid experienced, so he can come up with the confident reactions limabean and leighi described - without being put off from it in the first place. (And I still rather not have it be the bike helmet, which he is supposed to wear everyday, and gladly, and for a couple years at least. After all, he may decide for himself he'd rather fit in and that's okay too, as long as it's not about giving anyone else a hard time who doesn't.)

I've never heard anything about preschool aged boys having a thing for pink. I know that some do, but I don't think it's super common.

I put "common for the age group", meaning that it's both little girls and boys. Only with girls I guess it gets reinforced and boys are steered away.

I think this store has great "boy" clothes which happen to be pink! I love the firetruck shirt.

I LOVE those clothes! I'm afraid they wouldn't ship to Europe though, or at such high cost that the pricing would go from "rather expensive" to "insane".

Are people afraid they'll "make" their sons gay? If so, they're complete idiots. I can no more make my son gay than I can make him straight, so I let him wear whatever he darn pleases

I don't know why you brought this up in this thread in the first place, it would never have occurred to me.
It is not a worry of mine.

I read this blog post today, and I just thought it might help:

http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/

Holli

Actually, this blog post rather scared me. It makes me worried how to shield my child from that sort of grownup (meaning the bullying mothers). I realize not letting him wear what he likes isn't the best way, but still - UGH.

[34me]

I came to this a bit late but thought I would add my ds's experiences since he's now 14 . when he was in preschool for the end of the year activity they made t-shirts and each child put their name/ hand print on each. My ds's hand is the pink one both years. He has had an assortment of pink shirts over the years both as t-shirts and dress shirts. He has worn both green and black nail polish on fingers and toes. He has an older sister so wore lots of pink jammies over the years as she has ridden 5 gender neutral bikes so they could be passed down to 2 brothers. Oh, and as a 14 year old he has been playing ice hockey since he was 6 and has spent more time in the penalty box for fighting than I care to admit in public...... And it had nothing to do with the pick laces he had in his skates for 2 years