Long, sorry...
So I have finally given in and agreed to have this baby in a birth center. I want a peaceful home birth so badly, but it looks like it isn't going to happen this time. Thinking about it is making me so sad. Help me feel better about this choice!
Background: DH is absolutely opposed to homebirth. With DD1, we had an HMO that only covered the highest-intervention, non-natural-birth-supportive hospitals in town. I put my foot down -- I was NOT going to birth in any of those places. We hired a lovely team of HB midwives, who nonetheless made DH nervous and anxious, and we fought about it all the way through my entire pregnancy (even when I went into labor, he was saying, "are you sure you don't just want to go to the hospital??").
I was in labor for 3 days. Looking back, I suspect that part of the reason for the slow labor was the fact that my mom and DH had so much anxiety and fear about the HB (not to mention all the other members of my family who showed up at the house uninvited to hang out while I was in labor). I finally ended up transferring for exhaustion, got an epidural and IV, and gave birth a few hours later, flat on my back in a hospital bed.
Not the worst possible outcome, given the circumstance (at least nobody said 'C-section' even after pushing for 4 hours), and the hospital honored my birth plan almost completely. But it was not what I had envisioned for the birth of my first child.
DH has insisted that this demonstrates that HB "doesn't work" and that I need a hospital's help in order to have a baby. And besides, he says, the hospital wasn't nearly as bad as you insisted it would be. He was right, it wasn't, though I still hated it.
Fast-forward to baby #2. The midwife we liked the best (and who we both would have trusted) has moved across the country. All the other HB MW's in town make DH nervous and combative. If we try for another HB, it will be a repeat of the last pregnancy, fighting all the time about it. And who's to say that DH's anxiety won't affect me just the same way this time?
Perhaps more importantly, I have a "gut feeling" that this baby isn't as strong as DD1. I don't have any reason to think this -- it's just a feeling. I suspect that s/he might need more help at birth, and the thought of a HB makes me personally anxious for this reason. At the moment, this is what's keeping me from absolute despair over my second lost HB.
We have different insurance now, that covers a local "holistic birth center" operating within a hospital. The center is run by midwives. They have a very good reputation.
The CNM I am seeing is very good, very low-intervention and a natural birth advocate. Lots of my friends have birthed with her and she comes highly recommended. It's not the same level of care I was accustomed to with the HB MW's though; she takes on a LOT of clients and doesn't seem to have a whole lot of time during office visits. And my friends tell me she doesn't stay with you during your labor, but pops in and out more like an OB would.
So I'm just feeling like, 'eh.' I don't want to birth anywhere but at home, but the birth center really does seem like a lovely place and everyone says they're wonderful there.
The cons are obvious: have to get in a car and drive 25 minutes while in labor, have to birth in a yucky sterile hospital wing (which it still is, regardless of what they call it), etc., etc. And, I'm just not at home, which is where I think babies should be born.
There are a few pros: I don't much miss the long drives to meet with the HB MW (who lives nearly an hour away). I don't have to stress out about cleaning my house and getting enough food and supplies together before the birth (I nearly had a breakdown about this the last time). None of my family members have to clean up the house and wash all the laundry and drain the pool (my MIL and SIL deserve sainthood for that one). I don't have to call everybody in town when I go into labor. I can order my first post-baby meal from an extensive menu and have it delivered. We don't have to go through all the headaches of getting a birth certificate and hearing screen and PKU test on our own.
So, I suppose it could be worse. But it still makes me sad. Anybody BTDT and want to offer some positive thoughts I might have missed??
So I have finally given in and agreed to have this baby in a birth center. I want a peaceful home birth so badly, but it looks like it isn't going to happen this time. Thinking about it is making me so sad. Help me feel better about this choice!
Background: DH is absolutely opposed to homebirth. With DD1, we had an HMO that only covered the highest-intervention, non-natural-birth-supportive hospitals in town. I put my foot down -- I was NOT going to birth in any of those places. We hired a lovely team of HB midwives, who nonetheless made DH nervous and anxious, and we fought about it all the way through my entire pregnancy (even when I went into labor, he was saying, "are you sure you don't just want to go to the hospital??").
I was in labor for 3 days. Looking back, I suspect that part of the reason for the slow labor was the fact that my mom and DH had so much anxiety and fear about the HB (not to mention all the other members of my family who showed up at the house uninvited to hang out while I was in labor). I finally ended up transferring for exhaustion, got an epidural and IV, and gave birth a few hours later, flat on my back in a hospital bed.
Not the worst possible outcome, given the circumstance (at least nobody said 'C-section' even after pushing for 4 hours), and the hospital honored my birth plan almost completely. But it was not what I had envisioned for the birth of my first child.
DH has insisted that this demonstrates that HB "doesn't work" and that I need a hospital's help in order to have a baby. And besides, he says, the hospital wasn't nearly as bad as you insisted it would be. He was right, it wasn't, though I still hated it.
Fast-forward to baby #2. The midwife we liked the best (and who we both would have trusted) has moved across the country. All the other HB MW's in town make DH nervous and combative. If we try for another HB, it will be a repeat of the last pregnancy, fighting all the time about it. And who's to say that DH's anxiety won't affect me just the same way this time?
Perhaps more importantly, I have a "gut feeling" that this baby isn't as strong as DD1. I don't have any reason to think this -- it's just a feeling. I suspect that s/he might need more help at birth, and the thought of a HB makes me personally anxious for this reason. At the moment, this is what's keeping me from absolute despair over my second lost HB.
We have different insurance now, that covers a local "holistic birth center" operating within a hospital. The center is run by midwives. They have a very good reputation.
The CNM I am seeing is very good, very low-intervention and a natural birth advocate. Lots of my friends have birthed with her and she comes highly recommended. It's not the same level of care I was accustomed to with the HB MW's though; she takes on a LOT of clients and doesn't seem to have a whole lot of time during office visits. And my friends tell me she doesn't stay with you during your labor, but pops in and out more like an OB would.
So I'm just feeling like, 'eh.' I don't want to birth anywhere but at home, but the birth center really does seem like a lovely place and everyone says they're wonderful there.
The cons are obvious: have to get in a car and drive 25 minutes while in labor, have to birth in a yucky sterile hospital wing (which it still is, regardless of what they call it), etc., etc. And, I'm just not at home, which is where I think babies should be born.
There are a few pros: I don't much miss the long drives to meet with the HB MW (who lives nearly an hour away). I don't have to stress out about cleaning my house and getting enough food and supplies together before the birth (I nearly had a breakdown about this the last time). None of my family members have to clean up the house and wash all the laundry and drain the pool (my MIL and SIL deserve sainthood for that one). I don't have to call everybody in town when I go into labor. I can order my first post-baby meal from an extensive menu and have it delivered. We don't have to go through all the headaches of getting a birth certificate and hearing screen and PKU test on our own.
So, I suppose it could be worse. But it still makes me sad. Anybody BTDT and want to offer some positive thoughts I might have missed??
(turns out no exam is required, but they DO usually have a nurse do an in-home visit.)
) Whereas I paid like one $10 the whole time for DS' birth!
I've had 3 homebirths with three separate mws (due to various moves around the country) and BY FAR, the best birth was with the mw who left me alone and didn't hover. I wouldn't worry about your mw popping in and out. Most mws (ime) don't take on the role of doula during the birth, so find other people to support and love you through labor and be grateful you have a mw and birth location that comes so highly recommended. Best of luck!
