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Is it really social acceptable...

post #1 of 99
Thread Starter 
to ask someone if their pregnancy was planned? I was a little taken aback today when someone I just met asked me if my pregnancy was planned. Is it just me, or is that really no one's business. Yes, it was planned, but if it wasn't why does it matter? And is it really inconceivable that I would plan to have another baby? I'm 29 and have a 2 year old. Even if I was like 45 or something and was pregnant, I don't really think it's anyone's business as to whether or not I planned the pregnancy.

Has anyone else been asked if their pregnancy was planned?
post #2 of 99
yes... but I 1. was not yet married to her father and 2. already have a boy and girl so many people were 1. shocked we would do such a sinful thing or 2. shocked we would NEED any more, although this is DHs first bio child.

Not that it makes it anyones business... but I know curiosity got the best of them for those reasons.

Of course... I still tell them all no. Just to get to them.

Even though she very very much was planned.
post #3 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by dejagerw View Post

Has anyone else been asked if their pregnancy was planned?
This is our third and I was shocked at how many times I have gotten this question and not from strangers. From friends and family!

I think no matter what your personal situation it is a rude question to ask someone.
post #4 of 99
I've been asked this more times than I can count. "Was this baby a surprise?" "Were you planning to have them so close together?" "Was it an accident?" And on and on and on. I don't know if it's socially acceptable or not but people sure love to ask!!
post #5 of 99
no it's not acceptable, and yes I've been asked.
post #6 of 99
I don't know if it's socially acceptable but I've been asked that too. The question that bothers me the most though that isn't anyones business is "Are you going to get your tubes tied now?" or better yet "Well you better get tied this time." What?!!! How is that anyone's business and what does it matter? Really, because I'm having my 3rd child I'm done. They act like this baby is a punishment for not getting my tubes tied "like I should have" after DD and DS. Of course I had a boy and a girl so I was done. Who would have another child if they already had one of each? And if I was dumb enough to risk it I better stop now. Ugh!!!! Back off people!

I think sometimes it's just curiousity but it's not anyone's business whether the baby was planned or not. Heck if you weren't 'trying' but not preventing then would it be planned? Is it bad if it isn't? No!!!
post #7 of 99
I think from a close friend it would be OK, but from a co-worker, family member or stranger it would be off-putting.
post #8 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaerynPearl View Post
...Of course... I still tell them all no. Just to get to them.

Even though she very very much was planned.
This made me laugh! I just smile and shrug when they talk about me getting my tubes tied. You can see the shock on their faces. I love it!
post #9 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyms View Post
They act like this baby is a punishment for not getting my tubes tied "like I should have" after DD and DS. Of course I had a boy and a girl so I was done. Who would have another child if they already had one of each?
We got asked a lot why we wanted a third when we already had a boy and a girl. I didn't realize when you had the complete set you were supposed to stop?
post #10 of 99
I'm not sure if it's 'socially acceptable' .. but it sure happens a lot.

I've started to just ignore such comments and let them think what they may.

I'm PG with my 4th .. (have 3 boys already) so far people either comment on hoping this one is 'finally' a girl ......... or say 'oh what a surprise' or some such. Truth be told we were 'trying' for this one for most of a year......... :P
post #11 of 99
yes, I have already been asked this a few times, and so far we've only told family and a few close friends!

I didn't think much of it at the time, because I was still in shock...but in retrospect it kind made me mad - no, I do not think it socially acceptable! I'm going to have to think of some snappy retort, because I have a feeling we are going to be asked this a LOT more once we announce it to the world
post #12 of 99
weird - I have thankfully never been asked that question. Although my kids will be almost 4 years apart, this is my second and I am 40. I am actually surprised I haven't gotten other personal questions.
post #13 of 99
I don't think its polite but I have asked. My 3 sister in laws were all planning on getting Mirena and then one day about a year later the eldest (whose youngest were 2, 1, and 1) announced she was pregnant again! I knew her twins were oops babies as she admitted getting pregnant, especially with twins, with a 4 month old wasn't exactly part of the plan. This last one was planned though.
Now the family is making the 'snip snip' comments. Yeah it is her choice to have more children but its not exactly polite when you have to rely on other people to buy groceries to take care of them and you're still planning more.
post #14 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldingoddess View Post
I think from a close friend it would be OK, but from a co-worker, family member or stranger it would be off-putting.
This.

Just because it's common doesn't mean it's acceptable. It's almost like they're digging for dirt. "oh and oopsie baby. How irresponsible of you!" It's none of their business!
post #15 of 99
I got this early in my pregnancy from both family and friends, and was taken aback at how rude it was. We didn't advertise it, but we had been TTC for most of a year, so the "was this planned?" comment- after being married 4 years, with a house and stable jobs and everything "just right"- really surprised me.
post #16 of 99
I get it, and I do NOT think it is socially acceptable! Such an odd question-"did your birth control fail?" "Did you MEAN for him to finish inside you?" is what they are really asking. None of your business!!!!
post #17 of 99
I've had HCPs ask that - both a CRNP in the OBs office when I was first PG with DS 3 years ago, and my new HB MW.

I can sorta see the HB MW asking because she wants to get to know me & my family closely. But anyone else - no, totally NOT socially acceptable!
post #18 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by MegBoz View Post
I've had HCPs ask that - both a CRNP in the OBs office when I was first PG with DS 3 years ago, and my new HB MW.

I can sorta see the HB MW asking because she wants to get to know me & my family closely. But anyone else - no, totally NOT socially acceptable!
well even my doctor... needs to know for future birth control conversations (as in, if its a "no, I messed up taking my birth control." discuss other birth control options. If "no, we were using pullout." might want to have a conversation about the accuracy of pullout). just as my midwives asked if she was planned also asked our plans for birth control after she was born (currently doing the only 100% effective thing... just plain not having sex. It sucks )
post #19 of 99
We have been asked, especially because people figure there is no possible way we would have planned to have two children with February birthdays...
post #20 of 99
I was asked a few times.

Once I didn't mind because it was someone who went on to tell me about how he and his wife were IF and adopted. I shared my IF story too.

One lady was rude, "were you trying?" I smiled and said, "No. We were practicing a lot though." her face was priceless.

I can get kinda snarky sometimes. Most of the time I'm good, but her indignation really bothered me. Plus, she was a stranger which made me all the madder.

The rest I was honest and said it wasn't planned but very very much wanted and we are very delighted.

I think its rude, just like, "what is it? Doesn't your Dh want a boy." or "Oh I bet your hoping for a girl."

We really don't care about the sex, but it bothers me everyone thinks we want one or the other or one is more preferred. Its not like I'm getting the wrong dress size and can return it. Plus if I was having Gender disappointment, dear stranger in the supermarket, would you really want to know?
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