Is it really social acceptable... - Page 2

[sonshine_rae]

Originally Posted by dakotablue

One lady was rude, "were you trying?" I smiled and said, "No. We were practicing a lot though." her face was priceless.

ROFL .......... I just snorted I laughed so hard........ I love that comment!

[St. Margaret]

Love it, too.

I have def discussed this with friends but someone just asking-- RUDE! I can't believe how rude and pushy people are in general, and esp about parenting/babies stuff. I mean, I'm super gung ho about crunchy stuff, and I have wayyyyy more tact and keep my nose outta their business, compared to how most people have acted towards me. Someone actually asked me last time if the baby had a place to sleep-- ?! Random coworker in the copy room of my school, how is that your business? But the stuff about trying/are you dilated/etc are way worse b/c hello, you are asking about my hooha!

[bcblondie]

LOL practicing a lot. I'm going to use that.

[EllisH]

dejager, your name suggests you are Dutch. It wasn't in Holland, by any chance, that you were asked this? I've received the most outrageous comments and questions here - the Dutch don't know when to stop! Yesterday I was told by a woman (at my erstwhile favourite takeout place) she could tell I was expecting a boy because I don't look 'pretty and blossoming' as women who expect girls do (fortunately I had also been told the opposite by a friend, so that took the edge of).

Somehow being pregnant makes you public property.

[bcblondie]

Hey! I'm Dutch!!

[mitintraining]

With each pregnancy we get asked that, by everyone! I have gotten more used to it. We also get asked all the time, "Are they all yours?" "Do you run a daycare?" "Are you done yet?" and my favorite "Don't you know how to stop that?" These comments began when we had three, now that I am 40 weeks with #6 people just think we are crazy!!!! We also have little spacing between some of them, two are 15 months apart, so people automatically assume, albeit incorrectly, that we were not planning them! It kind of bothers me. I have had the urge to ask people back "Which one do you think I should give up?" It is neat though because my 11 yr old boy tells people when they are staring "Yes we are all hers, yes she knows how it happens and yes her hands certainly are full!"

[nova22]

Originally Posted by mitintraining

It is neat though because my 11 yr old boy tells people when they are staring "Yes we are all hers, yes she knows how it happens and yes her hands certainly are full!"

What a kid! I bet that makes their day.

I'm pregnant with #6 and I don't know if anyone has ever asked if our kids were planned. I think they pretty much assume they weren't, because they're reallllllly close together and apparently no one in their right mind would do that.

However, I got pregnant with my first right away. When I announced my pregnancy at work, one of my coworkers kinda looked down at me and said, "So did this happen before the wedding or after?"
1.) None of your business
2.) We were engaged for a year. It wasn't exactly a shotgun wedding, KWIM?
3.) See #1.

[annaconda]

Originally Posted by dakotablue

One lady was rude, "were you trying?" I smiled and said, "No. We were practicing a lot though." her face was priceless.

[WifeofAnt]

Originally Posted by MegBoz

I've had HCPs ask that - both a CRNP in the OBs office when I was first PG with DS 3 years ago, and my new HB MW.

I can sorta see the HB MW asking because she wants to get to know me & my family closely. But anyone else - no, totally NOT socially acceptable!

Healthcare/Mental Health professionals are IMO totally fine to ask. If it wasn't expected it can be quite a shock. This one was very well planned and it still hit me pretty hard emotionally. If he would have decided to show up a few years ago I probably would have completely panicked and considered things totally out of character. Even an 'assembly line OB' might ask to help with lifestyle choices (quitting smoking, taking prenatal vitamins, diet changes, contraceptives after the birth, ect).

[la mamita]

i have been asked this, and i hate it.

mostly because it has happened because people have assumed that i made irresponsible decisions getting pregnant, assumed that 'first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage', assumed that my son was not planned and therefore probably not 100% wanted, assumed that i need to somehow be congratulated for not choosing abortion...

i don't mind the question so much--i would answer it to a HCP or a close friend, but i hate the judgment behind it. i was pregnant at 19 and in a very new relationship and not 100% financially independent--but, no, my son was planned and wanted and is very much loved. it's funny, this was about 6 years ago and i still remember all of the judgment, so painful.

[dejagerw]

Originally Posted by EllisH

dejager, your name suggests you are Dutch. It wasn't in Holland, by any chance, that you were asked this?

I'm half dutch, half polish, but no, I was in the US at the library when I was asked by the stranger. My neighbor asked me too awhile back

I'd like to have a lot more kids though. I guess I'm going to have to get used to being asked this, because it will probably only get worse once I have more and more.

[Smokering]

We have been asked, especially because people figure there is no possible way we would have planned to have two children with February birthdays...

I love the way people think that's suxh a big deal! Practically the first thing my inlaws said when we told them about this baby was "Oh no, another June baby!" My birthday's in June, and so is my brother-in-law's. I was like "...So?" and they acted as if it were some terrible faux pas committed just to inconvenience them. Never mind that this baby actually WAS planned and I rather liked the thought of a June baby...

Also, no, not socially acceptable. I do think there can be the odd relationship in which asking is OK though - if friends and very close and one was talking about leaving her husband a few months ago or something, it might be OK to tactfully ask (in an "Are you happy about this?" kind of way). I don't think I'd dare, though. We've told select family and friends, and a few have kinda sorta asked.

And then there was the lady from church (who is having her sixth, and I think is quiverfull, and because we're both crunchy and weird I'm pretty sure she assumes I am too), who I told and she responded with "Oh, that's so good! I was wondering if I should talk to you about that". As in... "Young lady, it's time you got to reproducing again, do I need to dig you up some mandrakes"? I kind of gaped at her and changed the subject. She's lovely, but sheesh. She may have thought I had fertility problems though, because she's hard of hearing and once I muttered something to her about how I wished another lady from church would stop telling me to have another baby, and she gave me a vague smile and said "Don't worry, it'll happen". My church is an exercise in holiness, all right...

ETA: OK... just because it's come up... the woman I bolded is in fact Dutch. She not only tells me on a regular basis that DD "needs a sibling", "is asking for a brother", "wants a sister", "is ready to have a sibling" etc, but she tells everyone in the vicinity that they need to start nagging me too. Including men I barely know.

[Lady Lilya]

Nobody has asked me this pregnancy.

Last pregnancy, people said things like "I didn't know you were trying" as a way to bring it up without actually asking. A statement like that gives you a chance to tell all, or ignore it, or anything in between you choose to do.

[MaerynPearl]

Originally Posted by Smokering

"Oh no, another June baby!"

my family was the same about Mae, only jokingly, because we already have 15 birthdays in September LOL mine included.... oh well just another to throw on the pile :P

[finnegansmom]

Originally Posted by Lady Lilya

Last pregnancy, people said things like "I didn't know you were trying" as a way to bring it up without actually asking. A statement like that gives you a chance to tell all, or ignore it, or anything in between you choose to do.

My DH's aunt asked me this when we announced we were pregnant, and I had to use all the strength in me to not say "Oh I'm sorry, I'll be sure to keep you apprised of our future motives when I have sexual intercourse with your nephew".... gross.

People are RUDE. No one has any right to ask why or how you got pregnant.
It's rude rude rude...........

[EllisH]

Originally Posted by bcblondie

Hey! I'm Dutch!!

Hi there - nice to see a fellow Dutch woman on here :-) (I see you live in the US; I moved back to the Netherlands after three years in CA with my -now- American husband and father-to-be).

[EllisH]

Originally Posted by dejagerw

I'm half dutch, half polish, but no, I was in the US at the library when I was asked by the stranger. My neighbor asked me too awhile back

I'd like to have a lot more kids though. I guess I'm going to have to get used to being asked this, because it will probably only get worse once I have more and more.

I thought only the Dutch took this much liberty

And, yeah, I am learning too that you need to practice immunity against all sorts of remarks and questions.

On the other hand, I also get a lot of nice remarks and people genuinely interested and willing to share their stories. It's a fine balance...

[FarrenSquare]

It is totally inappropriate and NOBODY'S business! Nearly everyone in my life asked me this.

My best retort? "What kind of question is that?!" People soon realize they've made a faux-pas.

[arihillfarm]

Originally Posted by mitintraining

It is neat though because my 11 yr old boy tells people when they are staring "Yes we are all hers, yes she knows how it happens and yes her hands certainly are full!"

This had me LOL. :-) Reminds me recently of when my husband was out on a week long training mission with a co-worker and they were watching a mom losing it in the parking lot at a restaurant trying to get her three kids in the car. I guess the co-worker stared a little too hard and long at this mom and she snapped at him "Just you wait until you have three kids, you'll see how hard it is." He very calmly replied "Ma'am, I have nine." and walked away. My husband said her face hit the floor and that her expression was priceless. Bet she never complains about her three kids again.

-Astrid

[othersomethings]

i've actually been guilty of this. Mea culpa!

I saw some friends recently who just found out they're expecting...there is a LARGE age gap between this and their last. Unthinkingly I asked "Were you surprised?"

To which they said "not really."

Fair enough. I realized afterward that it was kinda rude to ask...my mind was just doing the math and it came out before I thought it through.