Is it really social acceptable... - Page 3

[mitintraining]

Originally Posted by arihillfarm

This had me LOL. :-) Reminds me recently of when my husband was out on a week long training mission with a co-worker and they were watching a mom losing it in the parking lot at a restaurant trying to get her three kids in the car. I guess the co-worker stared a little too hard and long at this mom and she snapped at him "Just you wait until you have three kids, you'll see how hard it is." He very calmly replied "Ma'am, I have nine." and walked away. My husband said her face hit the floor and that her expression was priceless. Bet she never complains about her three kids again.

-Astrid

I love it!!! We went out for ice cream once and the guy in line in front of us was staring! As I was waiting patiently for the upcoming comments, my kids were acting like, well kids about to get ice cream, and my husband was seeing his limit approaching quickly! The guy leaned back and said "I raised nine, ice cream outings are expert level!" He then continued to ignore the fuss and smile at each and every kid! Made my day totally! I think the funniest part of my DS1 speech is the realization that he too obviously knows how it happens and these people are basically asking in front of him if his parents are having sex!!!! Makes them squirm a little!

[Jenne]

I haven't been asked this yet...but I have been asked on several occassions if it was "natural". What? Is there a way to fall/get/become pregnant that isn't natural? Maybe I missed that chapter of "Our Bodies, Ourselves" but pretty much doesn't it require sperm and eggs? I always just stand there looking stunned and confused because the follow up is always about IVF. Um, IVF isn't alien technology people! Come on! And if DD was conceived via IVF (she wasn't but stil...l) what difference does it really make and is it really any of your business?

Jenne

[JollyGG]

I think I've asked this before meaning "What sort of response do you need from me right now". I tend to be pretty early on the telling list for a number of my friends.

[KayTeeJay]

I was asked this too, with both pregnancies. And not that anyone *should* be asked, but we did all the "socially acceptable" things before getting pregnant--i.e. College, well paying jobs, home ownership, etc... That was the first thing out of my stepmom's mouth when we told her. It just kind of popped out, but it was still a little hurtful.

I do cringe a bit and wonder if I ever said it before I knew better though! I think it can be a default reaction, albeit an insensitive and intrusive one.

[Banana731]

Big sigh, this is # 3 so yes, all the time....

[Angelorum]

I was in school when I got pregnant, and yes we were quite surprised, but also soooo excited! So yes, I got asked. Closer friends I didn't mind talking to about it, but when a minor acquaintance asked I just said, "That's a personal question!" The kicker is, she asked again a week later! I was like, really? You didn't get the message the first time?

Then there was the friendly male acquaintance who asked what kind of birth control I was using, and then proceeded to tell me all about how his wife's nuva ring must have fallen out sometime and she never noticed and that's how they got their surprise pregnancy. This whole conversation took place while we were sitting across from each other on the campus shuttle, with a ton of other people in easy hearing distance. Yeah, that was awkward.

[A_Random_Phrase]

Some of these posts are hilarious. rofl

[atnightingale]

Yeah, it's rude. Yes, it often thoughtless. The ones I forgive are the ones who know me and seem to be kindly gauging whether I am happy about this without explicitly saying I look exhausted, queasy, or generally like crap. Though usually they ask the question more subtly. Strangers are completely rude.

It's not new though. I remember vividly once being asked if I was planned after the stranger heard where I was born. Las Vegas. I have always wished that I had been quick enough to ask them if they knew whether there were 9 months between conception and birth. You'd have to stay in vegas a long time to have a birth there resulting from any sort of indiscretion.

[~Adorkable~]

Oh crap don't get me started on the "was it natural?" comment, with twins you get tormented with this, from everyone!!
First of all who the are you to be asking
Secondly, does it make my pregnancy or soon to be born children any less or more "whatever" based on my response?
Go yourself, sorry but after this many months of this, this is where I have gotten to
Sad but soo true

[WifeofAnt]

Originally Posted by atnightingale

It's not new though. I remember vividly once being asked if I was planned after the stranger heard where I was born. Las Vegas. I have always wished that I had been quick enough to ask them if they knew whether there were 9 months between conception and birth. You'd have to stay in vegas a long time to have a birth there resulting from any sort of indiscretion.

But isn't there some kind of force-field? I mean... how else does everything that happens in Vegas REALLY stay in Vegas?

[Buddhamom]

Yes, we get asked all the time and it doesn't bother me. However I am 40 (DH 41) and we were told 8 yrs. ago we had sec. infert. and did 2 yrs. of unsucessful infert. treatments and then adopted 5.5 years ago. So for us to suddenly get preg. was a complete shock to even us since no, we were not planning it

[Jenne]

Originally Posted by •Adorkable•

Oh crap don't get me started on the "was it natural?" comment, with twins you get tormented with this, from everyone!!
First of all who the are you to be asking
Secondly, does it make my pregnancy or soon to be born children any less or more "whatever" based on my response?
Go yourself, sorry but after this many months of this, this is where I have gotten to
Sad but soo true

Maybe instead of telling them to go themselves you could graphically explain all the practicing (love that line!) you did! Perhaps even adding something like, "Oh, and you know twins only happen when a woman has multiple given to her by someone who knows what they are doing. It may or may not be "natural" but it sure as heck feels good."

I'm all talk though. It is really just a confusing comment to me.

"Yes, DD is natural as far as we know. The alien implants and upgrades won't be installed for another year or two. I heard they weren't safe prior to birth."
"Well, don't tell my husband, but there was the night I was beamed aboard a klingon bird of prey...(gets far off look in eye)...sorry, what did you want to know?" (I guess my geek is showing...)
"OMG! I didn't have that test run?!? How do I tell if it is natural or not!?! How many weeks along do you have to be before they can tell?!?"

Hang in there Adorkable!

Jenne

[inthezoo]

I have been asked this question a lot and usually tell people, we are working on eight and they often just choke and walk away stunned. Every now and then someone surprises me and says "Good for you!"

I have three boys though and for some reason everyone assumes I really want a girl, so I get that question more than if it was planned. Honestly I'm a little scared for my boys of having a girl because I would hate for anyone to make any of them feel less important with comments like "Finally got your girl?" And I can see those comments coming from family as well as strangers. I already get the "Let's hope it's a girl!" comments from so many people friends, family and strangers alike. It really makes me mad! All I want is a healthy baby!!!

[MyFullHouse]

None of this should be socially acceptable in polite company. Unfortunately, there isn't much polite company these days.

I don't mind joking around about my family size or repeated 'surprises' with people I'm close to, but my reproductive plans are NOT the business of random strangers and casual acquaintances!

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I've never been asked and would be a bit surprised if anyone asked me that - regardless of the circumstances. In our case I think it may have crossed some people's minds (DC is 9).

The funniest story I've heard with the twin/"natural" question was from my cousin. She said she overheard her friend respond to the question "Do twins run in your family?" with "No, but they do at my fertility clinic." I thought that was pretty funny.

And, yes, I agree that for very close friends or family I would not mind the question - though they likely already know the answer.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Originally Posted by mitintraining

...and my favorite "Don't you know how to stop that?"

I had a hard time understanding how you would get those questions because I read your siggie as, "Wife to an amazing hippy mama". I was thinking that people MUST know that lesbians need to do a bit of planning in order to have children.

[nadia105]

Acceptable, no, but it sure is common! I swear that is one of the first questions everyoen has asked me this time! It is #4, and will be the last, and yes, it was a surprise, but it's really none of your business unless you are a close friend of mine!

[Annemarie42]

I would never ask someone this question in a social context. I do expect a health care provider to ask, though, because I know my midwife cared about my feelings about the pregnancy which may have been different under different circumstances.
That said, I was asked multiple times with this pregnancy and it always took me aback. I made it a point to give an evasive answer, too, because frankly? If I want to discuss my family planning with you, I will.

[~Adorkable~]

Oh jenne, I could just kiss you! Mh DH and i were roaring with laughter in bed this lazy Sat. Morning reading your reply. I'm so using some of them next time it comes up, which I'm sure will just be the next time I leave the house!!

[eastvillage]

My folks asked me (hello - RUDE) and friends have asked me too. RUDE, RUDE, RUDE! I am astonished as to how inappropriate people can be. I need a very snarky remark in response.