Is it really social acceptable... - Page 5

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Originally Posted by dejagerw

Along the line of inappropriate questions regarding twins. What do you all feel about the question "do twins run in your family?" Is this annoying and rude?

I'd be curious to here too -- only because that totally doesn't seem like a rude question to me. I guess if you felt the person was fishing for more info IVF or something I would think it were rude, inappropriate but as a general question it seems pretty innocent, common to me. Sort of along the lines of "do you know what you're having."

[hollytheteacher]

Someone asked me that this time...I was like 'what!?'

He said, "oh was in an accident or were you trying?"

SERIOUSLY! We were trying for 4 months before we finally got pregnant and my ds was already just-about-3 years old! Why would it be an accident!?

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama

I'd be curious to here too -- only because that totally doesn't seem like a rude question to me. I guess if you felt the person was fishing for more info IVF or something I would think it were rude, inappropriate but as a general question it seems pretty innocent, common to me. Sort of along the lines of "do you know what you're having."

Haha, I know a funny answer to that one: "In a couple of years they will."

[finnegansmom]

I don't think asking about twins is rude, it's more curious. Chances are, if it's a close friend I would already know if twins were in their family, and if it's an someone I'm not friends with, me personally I wouldn't ask because there is a good chance it was fertility treatments or something that might make someone feel weird. But if I were having twins I wouldn't feel as bad as I do when people say stupid things like "Oh I didn't know you were trying..."
ugg.

[EdnaMarie]

What amazes me is that people apparently ask this when you have fewer than four kids. I can see eyes raising at five kids--not that it's appropriate to say anything, but still, the thought briefly crosses your mind, "Gee, five, I wonder if they were planning that!"--but three?!? Four? Three is well within the average.

Bizarre.

[~Adorkable~]

Originally Posted by dejagerw

Along the line of inappropriate questions regarding twins. What do you all feel about the question "do twins run in your family?" Is this annoying and rude?

In many cases I feel like this is another way for them to ask if I was on drugs. If I say no they don't, they assume fertility treatments and assign whatever feeling they have about those.(feeling generated by stories of octomom and the like)

My standard answer for the question is "they do now!" I feel that one is easier to brush off with a fun easy response that does not give them any juice.


I like e comment about the twins running around soon!

[ryleeee]

i have been asked this SO. MANY. TIMES.
i get offended every time.

[soccerchic21]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

What amazes me is that people apparently ask this when you have fewer than four kids. I can see eyes raising at five kids--not that it's appropriate to say anything, but still, the thought briefly crosses your mind, "Gee, five, I wonder if they were planning that!"--but three?!? Four? Three is well within the average.

Bizarre.

My friend and I were talking about this yesterday. I am pregnant with my third and she has 5. We were commenting that not long ago in our parents generation it was VERY common to have at least 4 children. Now if you have more than two something must be wrong with you.

[gotrenzi]

Originally Posted by dakotablue

One lady was rude, "were you trying?" I smiled and said, "No. We were practicing a lot though." her face was priceless.

Ok that is just hilarious!! Great comeback. I hadn't given it much thought but it is pretty rude & intrusive. I have been asked repeatedly if it was planned (it's our 1st) but only by doctors/professionals so I guess I don't care. My family knew I was TTC so the few people we told were just happy we got it right away.

[LemonPie]

Originally Posted by dejagerw

Along the line of inappropriate questions regarding twins. What do you all feel about the question "do twins run in your family?" Is this annoying and rude?

I have identical twin nephews who are almost 3, and my SIL complains *a lot* about all the questions people ask. She said it's really hard to get through the grocery store because people want to stop and question her about them all the time. But she is an identical twin herself, so it could be that her irritation comes more from a lifetime worth of questions

[SubliminalDarkness]

I got it a LOT with DS1. I mean, I get it. I was young(18). And we weren't married when we got pregnant. But yes, HE WAS PLANNED. And even now, when people do the math on things I can see the thoughts churning in their head, so sometimes I throw out, "And yes he was planned," because, really, I don't want people speculating that we 'oops' got pregnant, so oops, here we have a child, and oops, now we're gonna get married. Etc. That's just not how it happened and I think that idea is sort of disrespectful to our family, because it's so incredibly untrue.

With DS2, didn't really get asked. People had expected us to have another sooner, but we had problems conceiving a successful pregnancy, so it was delayed.

[dubhreubel]

I've never been asked, but my mothers response to the announcement of this baby was "So, I guess that wasn't planned," DH and I were both pretty shocked.

I think I might have asked a close friend before that experience, after I said congratulations, but I have a mental note to do no such thing now.

[Lady Lilya]

I really don't mind. People are curious. I am curious too, so I can relate. But i am usually so open and talkative that I'd tell everyone all the details and they wouldn't have to ask.

[2goingon2]

I've been asked if we were "trying for a girl" since this is my 5th child and 4th boy.

I would never ask someone if their pregnancy was planned. I don't think it's anyone's business.

[EdnaMarie]

Now if you have more than two something must be wrong with you.

I know! But somebody has to have more than two to keep up population replacement!

[WifeofAnt]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

I know! But somebody has to have more than two to keep up population replacement!

I love the whole zero population growth thing.

For everyone that doesn't know... for a country to have a stable population women need to have an average of 2.1 children. 1 to replace each parent and 0.1 to replace babies and children who don't reach reproductive age. The problem with limiting people to 2 children is that not everyone is going to have 2 children. Some women are going to remain single and/or childless by choice, some couples are going to be infertile, and some are going to choose to only have one. Right now many European countries are below that 2.1 threshold so (ignoring immigration/emigration) they are essentially on the path to shrinking. Those women having 3, 4, 5, or even 19 children are keeping the US a fraction above 2.1 and are necessary part of what keeps the country going.

[~Adorkable~]

well i dont think population or the facts about it matter in the being rude arena. we could argue that a few less folks in this rock could be a good thing, and it still does not in any way excuse folks from thinking it is your family or anyones in particular that should stop growing! or that asking about it is ok.

im having boy/girl twins and the other thing that drives me nuts is folks thinking that because i am having one of each, they are a perfect set. like what two on one sex or the other would leave me incomplete? maybe i just want two heathy kids? it drives me nuts that folks think i must be happist for the sole reason that i am getting one of each, or that this is the reason that we can "stop now", i do not not plan on having more, but i never did think i would have more than 2, even way back before i was preggo. i think its just a personal choice and has nothing to do with anything, least of which is the sex of my kids!

[Smokering]

im having boy/girl twins and the other thing that drives me nuts is folks thinking that because i am having one of each, they are a perfect set. like what two on one sex or the other would leave me incomplete?

See, personally, if I knew this current baby would be our last (it's number two), I'd FAR rather have another girl than a boy. Maybe it's just a byproduct of growing up with five sisters, but I think it's sadder for a girl to have no sister than no brother, and vice versa. We're vaguely planning on 3-4 kids, depending on my sanity and various other factors - and one reason is that with three kids, at least one child will get a same-sex sibling. (Well, two, technically.)

That's not to say anything's actually wrong with a boy-girl pair, I'm sure it's just my own biases speaking - but I've always thought the "Ooh, one of each, now you can stop" argument was very weird. I don't see why it should be considered the "default" perfect family, you know?

[Tumble Bumbles]

No one has asked me that! How incredibly rude! However, sometimes I think it's just another way of asking if it's a surprise blessing or intentionally trying for another babe. Again, I think a lot of pregnancy 'talk' and 'questions' have to do with the other person trying to make conversation when they know some one's pregnant. Not necessarily trying to be offensive.