I have a somewhat unique situation on my hands that will lead to a very complicated blended family, and am somewhat nervous about how it's all going to work out. I was married for 8 years, and in that time had two children, who are now 7 and 5. I've been separated for over a year, and will soon be officially divorced (thankfully.) Their dad is still in their lives.
I'd been dating here and there since the separation, and was in a short relationship for about 2 months that really didn't work out very well. He was very unreliable, and wouldn't make much time for me. I ended the relationship over that, only to find out later that I was pregnant with his child.
Before I met that guy, I had been getting to know a different guy, and we were sort of thinking about dating until I met babydaddy. We put the brakes on that, but still kept in touch as friends. Around the tail-end of the not-so-great relationship, I started venting to him and getting his advice on the problems with my boyfriend, and we ended up talking alot and becoming very close. When my boyfriend and I broke up, he helped me get through it and within a week, we decided to restart our relationship and actually officially start dating.
I let him know before we started dating that I suspected I was pregnant with my ex's baby. He was okay with that--he already loves my other two children, and was so sure about me and him working out that he wouldn't hesitate to take on this baby as his own.
I told ex about the pregnancy, and he decided he wanted nothing to do with the baby. My boyfriend and I were fine with that, we had decided to raise the baby together. Ex not being involved at all never really sat completely right with me--I didn't want to be lying to this child for their entire lives about who their father was, and I didn't relish having to eventually explain to them that their "real" father didn't want them.
I'm now 9 weeks along, and ex-boyfriend has changed his mind and now DOES want to be involved. Like, really involved, as much as we will let him. He's okay with my boyfriend being daddy. Ex also has a 10 year old daughter that he was not involved with for most of her life, but as recently re-entered her life.
So...this makes me, the baby, babydaddy, his daughter, my boyfriend, my other two children, their dad, and about 8 grandparents. Soooo complicated. Though I don't think it was right for ex not to be involved, it really would have been easier that way, and I almost hope that he does not live up to his word and just sort of disappears (I feel horrible saying that.)
How is it going to work with this baby having two "daddies"? How do we decide where the boundaries are for ex being involved? I just don't know how this is all going to pan out. I will probably be utilizing this forum a alot as we get this figured out. I hope you all don't mind!