Has anyone changed their baby's name?

[JessieBird]

(Not sure where to post this so xposted in Parenting and Life with a Babe.)

I'm going through a really difficult time right now. My new baby boy is absolutely wonderful, easy and happy, and the family adjustment with an almost-two year old has gone much better than expected. However, I'm just not connecting with my baby's name and it is interfering with bonding with him. It is an extremely emotional situation, though I never would have expected that. It doesn't help that reaction to our choice has been more negative than positive. DH and I are seriously considering changing his name and have given ourselves this weekend to make a final decision. Baby is 5.5 weeks old and has been announced to the world. I am dreading how awkward it will be to tell everyone and I'm not sure how I will ever know for sure that we are making the right decision, those are just two of my fears on a long list.

I would love to hear from others who changed their baby's name. I'd especially like to know about your feelings throughout the decision process and how people responded when you told them. I'm also curious about your reasons but that's secondary.

Thanks very much for any advice and insights you care to share.

[IntuitiveJamie]

I have not changed my child's name, but I wanted to offer you support.
I want to tell you that there are way stranger things happening in the world, so don't sweat it. And honestly, who cares what anyone else thinks? It's your child and at this age, your right. Nobody will care a year from now.
If it's in your heart, I think you should do it.

[starling&diesel]

Trust your gut and trust your heart. If he's not Asa, go ahead and change it. I would, if I were in the same situation.
As for letting people know, I'd be straightforward and make a big celebration of it and send out 'new' name announcement cards and a broadcast email and maybe even throw a party.
Something like this:
"Our baby has a new name! He just didn't fit Asa, so we've changed his name to _____! Come join us for a welcoming party to celebrate his forever name!"
The buzz would be shortlived, and your work would be done, and you can go on ahead and enjoy your new little one.
Some babies aren't named for ages after they're born!

[la mamita]

i have gone through the legal process of changing my DS's name twice (first to add a last name, as part of the add-a-father-to-the-birth-certificate form; second to add middle names AND change one of his last names from father's maternal LN to father's paternal LN, through a legal name change process in court). it is a very easy process to go through and i want to encourage you to do what you feel comfortable with.

also, i "changed" his name a few months after birth. he has two first names, and we used the second FN for a while until i realized that 1) i hated it and had only agreed on it as a compromise with my partner and 2) it was mispronounced by everyone in the US. so we started using his first FN, which is more common and easy to pronounce. i ABSOLUTELY regret not going to court to remove the second FN and add a different one--DS is latino, so having two first names is pretty normal, think of Luis Migual or Jose Maria as examples. i didn't do it because i didn't want to spend the money again to go to court and i didn't feel like standing up to my partner again (bad relationship). now, as my son is 5, i feel like it's too late. plus, i split up with said partner and probably couldn't get him to agree to the name change now....

i also know a woman who didn't name her daughter until she was about 8 months old--she kept trying new names and couldn't find the perfect one. her daughter is now a teenager and loves her name, it totally fits her.

and seriously, you are the parents! it's totally fine to have an oops moment like this and announce the change to the world, and don't even care about what anyone else thinks. once your kid has a name that fits, that you love, it will catch on quickly and i'm sure people will forget the name change within a few month's time.

[Ornery]

I have a different take on it. I really wanted to change my youngest son's name for the first month or two after he was born. Same reasons as you. It just didn't fit for me and I was having huge issues with bonding with it/him due to it. We seriously discussed the name change but came to the conclusion that we would ride it out and see if things improved (specifically, my bonding with his "name"). We gave ourselves a time limit with the permission that we would change it if nothing had changed for me in that time period.

After he hit 3 months or so, I couldn't even think of naming him something different and I have no regrets 4 years later of not changing it. He totally fits his name and we have no bonding issues.

Of course, YMMV.

[crunchy_mommy]

I never changed my kid's name, but I did go through a time during the first few months where I felt like the name was wrong. I kept wanting to call him by a different name & I was just not happy with what we had chosen.

For me, I finally realized that it wasn't actually the name itself I was unhappy with. It was the fact that everyone else had called him by his name before I even got to look at him. (We had a complicated birth and so all the nurses started calling him by his name immediately and *I* wanted to be the one to name him, I wanted to make sure the name was a right fit etc. and I never got a chance to. Next time I will NOT share our name choices with anyone until AFTER we've held him & named him ourselves!!!)

Now, he's 21mos, and I love his name. I almost never use the derived nickname I'd thought I'd use, although his grandparents use it... I just think his name is perfect for him. But it was agonizing for me at first & I felt like a lunatic when I kept almost calling him something different. I never told DH or anyone, and once I understood where that feeling was coming from, I started to accept the name we had given him.

So... do what you think is best for you & your family. You could officially change his name, or you could keep it the same & use a nickname or his middle name, or you could change just his middle name & call him by that... I had a friend growing up whose name was Mary Katherine Smith. (OK it wasn't Smith but you get the point!) Everyone called her Mary, but her entire immediate family called her Katie. It was a little confusing when I first met her but I always thought it was kind of cool that she had 2 names & defintely wasn't a big deal. Anyway, just wanted to give you a few ideas of options if you decide not to officially change his whole name!!

[PuppyPanties]

I'm going through the same thing right now with my 3 month old daughter's middle name. But i'm going to try to 'ride it out' also, in hopes it'll grow on me more Good luck with whatever you choose!!! Do what feels right to you. And I agree with the person above - just send out new baby announcement cards. Its a name you're going to have to use for the rest of your life, and if it doesnt seem to fit your child then you wouldnt want to live with that! good luck!

[Lisa1970]

Yes. And please just go in and change it Monday. Just do it. I seriously regret having waited so long, when I knew very early on that I wanted to change his name. Now in hindsight, I realize we would not even be thinking about what name we gave him at birth, it would be a very distant memory already.

[LemonPie]

I haven't, but I wish I had changed my oldest daughter's middle name. There's a long story behind it, but about two weeks after she was born, I started to feel like she should have had a different middle name. When we had our 3rd and found it was a girl, I really regretted not changing it because I adore the middle name she has and would have liked to use it as a first name for DD2 instead. But by that point DD1 was well aware of what her middle name was and I think it would have been traumatic and confusing to her if we changed it.

[leighi123]

I changed ds's middle name and added a name just a couple weeks ago (he is 3)

He was Levi Kamden (maiden name) (last name)

But I got a divorce, and the spelling of his middle name was chosen by his dad b/c his name starts with a K. I havent seen/heard from him sense ds was 15months old.

So I changed his name to Levi Camden-Vase (last name, which used to be maiden name). Now his initals are LCD instead of LKDR

Camden with a 'C' was how I wanted to spell it in the first place. And Vase (pronounced either Vasey or Vase) is what we call him almost as much as we call him Levi. It was a nickname that evolved out of several other nick names, and I know its a weird name, but it suits him. And its a second middle name so he doesnt ever have to use it!
Also I like the hyphen, my name has a hyphen in it.

When I was at the SS office changing it, I nearly cried, it was like I finally actually got to name my son. He loves his 'new' name and so do I!



I would just go for it! Change it to something you love and that suits him. I would do a trial run and call him by the name you are thinking of for the weekend, and see how it sounds outloud and in conversation. If you still like it, then change it.

[JessieBird]

Originally Posted by Lisa1970

Yes. And please just go in and change it Monday. Just do it.

We did it!!! It's officially settled as of today. Well we decided last night but gave ourselves permission to sleep on it once last time. I woke up feeling more certain than ever and today I am SO EXCITED. Today I have been able to gaze into my baby's eyes without this 'thing' hanging in between us for the first time since he was born. We haven't sent an official announcement yet but the people we've told so far today have all been really supportive.

So Asa Oderin Lastname is now Arlo Oderin Lastname.

I still love the name Asa and hope that the nickname "Ace" sticks as a kind of tribute to his first six weeks.

Thanks so much for your stories and support.

ETA - I got a tad chatty (too excited!) and added more details to my update in the Life With a Babe forum post, if you're curious.

[crunchy_mommy]

YAY! Congratulations? I don't know if that's the right word for this situation but it sounds right to me lol.

[la mamita]

what a beautiful new name! congrats!

[l3erly]

Hello!

Just came across this. I also recently changed the spelling of my DD's name. From Abigail to Abbigail. Not exactly a complete name change, but it was such an ordeal making the decision to do it I'm glad I did it. Happy Name Change to you! It's a beautiful name

[Mom2CamandBray]

I just stumbled across this forum and find myself in this same predicament. "namer's remorse", as they call it.

I feel so guilty, and somewhat ashamed.  Im embaressed that I didnt give my perfect boy the perfect name at birth. We announced him to the world with what we thought was a very cool (yet cultural) name and everyone mispronounced it. EVERYONE. (It also didnt hel that a few family members had no shame when they told us how much they disliked the name!)  It was a variation of a family name and that was the main reason why we thought it would be awesome, but that back fired big time.  We didnt know what the baby was in utereo, so we didnt announce what that names we had chosen were either.  At 4 weeks old we started calling our boy by his forever name....and we LOVE it, although both names fit him.  It was a great relief that my partner agreed to change his name because she really liked the cool "old" name.

Our boy is now 8 months old.  Some days the whole name thing seems like a distant memory, but somedays (like the past few), I still beat myself up and can hardly think of anything else. 

It has taken this long for all the paperwork to come back and now I have a hearing date net month, and the name will be changed legally. I wonder if the legality of it all will make me forget all the anxiety I went through and just look back at this with an"oh well" addittude.

Did anyone else beat themselves up???