Apparently I'm joining you all

[triscuitsmom]

My STBX and I have been working on healing our marriage issues for most of the last year. We've been in counselling together and individually and in the summer we had some real progress. Things got bad again as the summer went on though and have been really terrible lately again. He and I have been talking about him needing to figure out who he is, because he has never really known. He has lived his whole life mirroring those around him.

Last night he told me that he doesn't think he's ever going to be able to be his true self, or even figure out who that is living here with me/us. So he is moving out as soon as he can find a place. When I asked what his long term goals were he said ideally he'd like healthier relationships with his sons, and also with me... strictly as coparents.

I'm numb at this point. On autopilot. We discussed and signed a basic separation agreement tonight outlining custody/visitation/finances.

I've done the single parent thing before, when it was just DS1 and I. I'm dealing with PPD and a baby with health issues right now so in the few non numb moments I'm completely overwhelmed...

[DeerMother]

[bananabee]

Sorry you're joining us. I'm new here, too. Welcome.

[vannienicole]

[mama_ani]

I am so sorry you are joining us here.

[Halfasianmomma]

Sending you and a welcome.

[doubledutch]

i'm sorry you're going through this, especially just two months out from giving birth. you must be exhausted.

my only piece of advice is not to give away too much in any agreements you make with him. don't be "nice" - be responsible and true to yourself, making the choices that are best for you and your kids. even though you've already signed a temporary agreement, it's okay to say that you've reflected on it for a few days and you'd like to modify xyz points of the agreement. even if he doesn't agree, type it up and give him a copy. make your "temporary" agreement say whatever you want your life to be for the next 18 years - because the temporary out-of-court agreements often become permanent in court. the status quo is generally upheld.

[red and lulu]

i'm so sorry. how difficult.

[ZoeyZoo]

... sorry to hear about this.

[Everrgreen]

Alison, I am so sorry to see this post. I hope you are doing okay. I know you have some very good friends in your life, but feel free to pm me if you want to Make sure you are taking care of yourself and seeking help when you need it.