Some background: my boy started preschool in September, dropped naps around the same time, has an 8 month old baby sister and a dad who is currently working 70 hour weeks. So he has a lot going on. I'm sympathetic to that. However he is driving me crazy. There are so many issues I don't know where to start. Here are the main ones.
1. TANTRUMS. OMG. He can really throw them these days. He just spirals out of control and nothing helps. Often it's such a tiny thing that sets him off. It's as if he has a picture in his head of how things should be but if it's slightly 'wrong' he can't cope.
2. NOISE. He is so loud. The baby makes a lot of happy loud noises and he joins in but at 10 times the volume. He's constantly growling, screaming, spitting (see 3.), etc. It really gets on my nerves.
3. SPITTING. He has got into the habit of spitting (like blowing raspberries, not hawking) all the time. I can't seem to get him to stop. I tried ignoring it but I can't do that when it's over somebody else or their food. I'm now saying he has to go to his room if he wants to spit. I tried time outs but that didn't work so I've said he can get a star if he doesn't spit all morning. We'll see how that goes. He's earning stars towards getting a chocolate ice cream.
4. BEDTIME. He's started to have lots of anxiety around bedtime which I have to manage on my own these days. It started small, he had to have the light on, he didn't want to sleep on a certain side of his bed. Now it's got to the point where he has to sleep in our bed all night and he can't be left at all until he's asleep or he screams. I do have to leave him to put his sister to bed and he cries the whole time, making that process longer. I also have to leave him at some point for my own sanity. By that point I've been 'on' without a break for 13 hours some days. I usually haven't eaten. The baby often wakes up several times in the early evening. I need some down time. I tell him I have to go and put my dinner in the oven and I'll be back in 10 minutes. Sometimes he falls asleep in that time but last night he kept crying, saying 'I'm scared'. Part of me feels awful that my little boy is scared to be on his own, but part of me wonders if he is playing me. The reason I think that is that he also tries a lot of stall tactics, 'I'm thirsty but I don't want the water by the bed I want milk in a particular cup from the kitchen', 'I need to blow my nose but I don't want toilet paper, I want a 'proper tissue' from downstairs'. You know the drill. He was talking a lot about skeletons and witches and worrying they would come into the house (thank you halloween) but now he says 'I know there's nothing to be scared of, I'm just scared'.
5. SEPARATION ANXIETY. He's having trouble separating from me for preschool. At the moment it's manageable but I'm worried it will escalate, like bedtime.
6. BEHAVIOUR. He is very oppositional, stubborn and independent. He says 'I do what I want to do'. I've found that he does best with strong boundaries but boys does he fight them. I've started using time outs. I know a lot of people here don't like them but honestly, I have to do something. I'm also using the stars that I mentioned earlier.
On the plus side, he is great with his little sister, very social and good with other kids, bright, funny and interesting. I feel I'm letting him down by not being patient enough. I need some outside help...
Just as an example. It has taken me ages to type this due to all the interruptions. HE just picked up a small ball (hackie sack) and threw it really hard at me. It whizzed past my nose. I put him in time out (a small rug in the living room, but he picked up all the toys he could reach and started throwing them too. So I picked him up and put him in his room where he is now. I have to go deal. TIA
1. TANTRUMS. OMG. He can really throw them these days. He just spirals out of control and nothing helps. Often it's such a tiny thing that sets him off. It's as if he has a picture in his head of how things should be but if it's slightly 'wrong' he can't cope.
2. NOISE. He is so loud. The baby makes a lot of happy loud noises and he joins in but at 10 times the volume. He's constantly growling, screaming, spitting (see 3.), etc. It really gets on my nerves.
3. SPITTING. He has got into the habit of spitting (like blowing raspberries, not hawking) all the time. I can't seem to get him to stop. I tried ignoring it but I can't do that when it's over somebody else or their food. I'm now saying he has to go to his room if he wants to spit. I tried time outs but that didn't work so I've said he can get a star if he doesn't spit all morning. We'll see how that goes. He's earning stars towards getting a chocolate ice cream.
4. BEDTIME. He's started to have lots of anxiety around bedtime which I have to manage on my own these days. It started small, he had to have the light on, he didn't want to sleep on a certain side of his bed. Now it's got to the point where he has to sleep in our bed all night and he can't be left at all until he's asleep or he screams. I do have to leave him to put his sister to bed and he cries the whole time, making that process longer. I also have to leave him at some point for my own sanity. By that point I've been 'on' without a break for 13 hours some days. I usually haven't eaten. The baby often wakes up several times in the early evening. I need some down time. I tell him I have to go and put my dinner in the oven and I'll be back in 10 minutes. Sometimes he falls asleep in that time but last night he kept crying, saying 'I'm scared'. Part of me feels awful that my little boy is scared to be on his own, but part of me wonders if he is playing me. The reason I think that is that he also tries a lot of stall tactics, 'I'm thirsty but I don't want the water by the bed I want milk in a particular cup from the kitchen', 'I need to blow my nose but I don't want toilet paper, I want a 'proper tissue' from downstairs'. You know the drill. He was talking a lot about skeletons and witches and worrying they would come into the house (thank you halloween) but now he says 'I know there's nothing to be scared of, I'm just scared'.
5. SEPARATION ANXIETY. He's having trouble separating from me for preschool. At the moment it's manageable but I'm worried it will escalate, like bedtime.
6. BEHAVIOUR. He is very oppositional, stubborn and independent. He says 'I do what I want to do'. I've found that he does best with strong boundaries but boys does he fight them. I've started using time outs. I know a lot of people here don't like them but honestly, I have to do something. I'm also using the stars that I mentioned earlier.
On the plus side, he is great with his little sister, very social and good with other kids, bright, funny and interesting. I feel I'm letting him down by not being patient enough. I need some outside help...
Just as an example. It has taken me ages to type this due to all the interruptions. HE just picked up a small ball (hackie sack) and threw it really hard at me. It whizzed past my nose. I put him in time out (a small rug in the living room, but he picked up all the toys he could reach and started throwing them too. So I picked him up and put him in his room where he is now. I have to go deal. TIA
