15.5 mo hitting- I have no clue what to do

[red and lulu]

This is probably gentle discipline 101 but I realized this morning I have no idea the best way to address this behavior.

Dd is a cranky, headstrong 15.5 mo. Her favorite word is "no." She's started hitting when she's told no. Sometimes she hits just because. I'm sure this is common. But what do I do? She's too young to really get an explanation, but her behavior isn't ok. I'm not making sense, here's an example: This morning we were sitting on the couch and she tried to stick her hand in my hot cup of coffee. I said "no, that's hot," and deflected her hand. She started saying "no,no,no!" and then reached again. I said "no" and moved the cup away. She said "no!" and hit me in the face. I told her hands are not for hitting, you have to be gentle with mama. And she said no and hit me in the face again. So I repeated myself and she hit me in the face again. So I picked her up and put her on the floor, and again told her hands are not for hitting. And she started crying. I didn't know what to do! I picked her back up to comfort her, which felt like I was condoning the hitting. Five minutes later she hit me again.

So what's he best thing to do? I know I have to be repetitive, but if I'm firm (yet loving) and she starts crying what do I do?

[HeliMom]

I don't feel like hugging a 15 mo old when they are upset is condoning the behavior. I mean unless you only hug her when she hits you I don't really feel like it'd reinforce the hitting.

It's really tough to keep you cool when you get hit in the face, so i have to applaud you in that. At her young age it's really important to note that children rarely understand people talking in negatives. Although they may understand the word "hit" and the word "no" they don't really have the comprehension to understand combination of the two means the opposite of hit.

For our family it worked better to state the things I wanted from her. "Hitting hurts. You're mad. You want but mommy says 'no' (take a deep breath) Take a breath. (my daughter if on the edge of tantrum not fully into it will take the breath and feel better. If she's in full on melt down i hug her and empathize. "It's so hard when you can't have what you want" If she struggles or hits me I'll put her on the floor and say "Sorry I wanted to help you feel better but it just made you mad" If this upsets her further I open my arms and offer a hug, if she wants it she's usually get up still crying and hug it out with me.

I figure when she's older we can deal with how people feel when they get hit but right now i think she's too little for empathy.

[amandaleigh37]

No advice but my 16 month old son is doing this EXACT same thing. His older brother (4yo now) NEVER did this and it is really wearing on me If I don't give him exactly what he wants, the moment he wants it, he hits or headbutts me. I say "be gentle", walk away from him (not to punish him, but because it HURTS!). He just keeps doing it.

[lookatreestar]

my ds has been a hitter all along (he is 17 mos), honestly i don't think he is doing it to be bad or mean. so i just hold his hand and change it to a gentle motion while telling him to "be gentle" or "be soft" whatever.

results are mixed, he still just loves to go up and just slug someone. sometimes it seems like its his way of showing affection

[lookatreestar]

Originally Posted by amandaleigh37

No advice but my 16 month old son is doing this EXACT same thing. His older brother (4yo now) NEVER did this and it is really wearing on me If I don't give him exactly what he wants, the moment he wants it, he hits or headbutts me. I say "be gentle", walk away from him (not to punish him, but because it HURTS!). He just keeps doing it.

haha yup my 3.5 yo dd never hit or head butt like ds does. i do blame my dh for the head butting thing... i have no clue why he thought that was a good thing to show him

[msmiranda]

My 16 mo has responded really well to this (similar to what you are already doing):  I grab his hand(s) and say "hands are not for hitting, hands are for gentle touches" (then I demonstrate a gentle touch).  I started that about 2 months ago, and now all I have to do is open my eyes really big and say, "B, what are hands for?" and he stops hitting and gives me a gentle touch.  Then I praise that ("that's right, gentle touches, you know what to do!"). 

But, my little one is much more of a people pleaser than his older brother, who is spirited.  So YMMV.  I do not figure this way would have worked on DS1.  (And I don't remember what we did with him -- perhaps he didn't start hitting until he was a bit older).

[red and lulu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by msmiranda 

My 16 mo has responded really well to this (similar to what you are already doing):  I grab his hand(s) and say "hands are not for hitting, hands are for gentle touches" (then I demonstrate a gentle touch).  I started that about 2 months ago, and now all I have to do is open my eyes really big and say, "B, what are hands for?" and he stops hitting and gives me a gentle touch.  Then I praise that ("that's right, gentle touches, you know what to do!"). 

But, my little one is much more of a people pleaser than his older brother, who is spirited.  So YMMV.  I do not figure this way would have worked on DS1.  (And I don't remember what we did with him -- perhaps he didn't start hitting until he was a bit older).

DD is pretty spirited. I realized that me saying "No, hands are not for hitting," was making her more frustrated, and so she would hit me again. I think maybe b/c she was hearing "no" and was confused why? So yesterday and today whenever she hits me, I just take her hand and in a really upbeat tone say "Hands are for gentle touches, you don't want to hurt mama," and I kiss her hand. It's been diffusing things pretty quickly — she's even been leaning in to give me a kiss. Of course 5 minutes later she's hitting again, but....

BTW, what does "YMMV" mean?
 

[lookatreestar]

your mileage may very