Talk to me about "princess" stuff

[Phoebe]

I'm pg with #4 and I have 3 boys. I have been told countless times by moms that the princess thing cannot be avoided when you have a girl. I have a hard time believing this but I obvously don't have experience. I do know that superhero stuff and star wars, etc. is supposedly unavoidable. My boys are aware of these things and I'll be happy to oblige when I feel it's age appropriate. But it's not in my home and my kids aren't begging or pining for any of it.
So why is it that princess stuff just can't be avoided? I believe that their are some gender differences that are inate. But the full on tutu and crown?

I know some people don't mind the princess thing...and I do know there are worse things. So please don't flame me for being cruel. If my daughter spontaneously turns into a princess nut, without exposure from me via Disney and preschool influence, then I'll be happy to just go with it.

I'd like to hear from moms who have girls who are not princesses!
...and those who do have truly spontaneous princess daughters.

I'm a boy mom so far, forgive my ignorance!

[eclipse]

My DD was one of those girls who was immediately attracted to anything sparkly and fancy - and I really think that is what attracts little girls to the princess thing, not so much the actual idea of being a princess. It's the same reason she likes ballet dancers, fairies, and, uh, drag queens . Although she's seen some Disney movies, she's not really into the Disney Princess "thing." The dress up items we have that happen to be Disney are just one more thing to dress up in, you know? It's certainly not the only thing she wants to play, and it's faded as she's gotten older. We have a lot of non-traditional princess books that are great (The Princess Knight, The Paperbag Princess, Princess Smartie Pants, Cinder Edna, Sleeping Ugly,etc) and I like a lot more than stories like Beauty and The Beast (probably my least favorite of the Disney princess line since I think it teaches that a man who treats you like cr@p will eventually come around and turn into an awesome guy if you're just beautiful enough and love him hard enough /rant).

Interestingly, my 5 year old boy is a total princess nut. I'm sure he was influenced a bit by DD, but he just really likes pink sparkles, too. And sometimes he's a Spiderman Princess.

[pbjmama]

I believe it can be avoided for while, similar to what you said about star wars and such. My dd is 2.5 and enjoys dressing up, doing her hair, painting her nails. I'm a jeans and tshirt mom, I don't do anything to my hair beyond wash and comb, occasinally paint my toenails in the summer. She knows the word 'princess' but only because of older girls coming over for play dates. She doesn't know the names of any princess nor has she seen any of the disney or similar princess movies. My dd is very girly and I know she will be into princess stuff in time. She has an older brother and knows about robots, race cars and that stuff too but she has a preference for girly stuff.

[ladymeag]

My mother tried to get me into the "princess" thing (this was before the Disney Princess explosion, of course.) She pushed pink and sparkly and the whole crown-and-tutu thing. I was distinctly not interested and was much more interested in reading adventure and fantasy novels, climbing trees, sewing, cooking and the like. I don't think it's unavoidable but it seems that some kids are drawn to it and others aren't.

My birthdaughter is sort-of into princesses - she has a lot of exposure to non-Disney princess alternatives (Paperbag Princess type) and she's a "princess ninja" or a "princess ladybug." She's way more into bugs than princesses but seems to have some interest in the princess thing - perhaps to have something in common with other little girls or just because it is another thing she can tack on to her current play-identity.

I have a friend with a daughter that was bullied by other girls at school into the princess thing. She would come home and say things like "The girls at school told me that their mom said _all_ girls are into princesses and I must not be a girl if I'm not!" I was making their Halloween costumes a few years back and she originally wanted to be a rotten egg. She was so excited and we designed the costume together and bought all of the materials - but she told a few of the kids at school and they laughed and said that they were all going to be princesses "like real girls do." She was seven and heartbroken. She asked me to make her a princess outfit, instead, so that she wouldn't get picked on (which we did.) I tried to talk to her about being different but I also understood the feeling - I was often picked on for not being "girly enough" and even had playmates that their mothers spoke to my mother about me "possibly being a lesbian" at a very young age because I wasn't into frilly and pink. I think the parents pushing the "all girls like princess stuff and pink" really contribute to the bullying and "shaming" of girls who aren't into that kind of thing.

I guess my point here is that all of the parents of girls buying into the "it's unavoidable and all girls do it" is part of what produces the culture that pushes that all girls must be into princess stuff. I'd say go with the flow, like you do with your sons and superheros/Star Wars - if she develops a sudden interest, don't block it but don't preemptively decide that she must have an inclination because she was born a certain gender.

[blessedmama59]

Well, unless you completely shelter your DD, she will prob be exposed to the typical "girly" stuff. I want to stay away from the princess stuff, but family buys DD girly things. Before she was born, I made sure to buy almost everything gender-neutral. I'm going to try to keep it that way, but I am sure she will go through a phase..as many girls do. Then again, her "phase" could also consist of being obsessed with trucks lol you never really know.

[Auraji]

My DD is still on the young side, she's 18M, she likes to dress up, but she usually puts on DSS clothes or DP's, sometimes mine. She also likes to play with trucks, cars and trains. She was a fairy for Halloween this year, but I picked her costume. I like fairies and it was also the cheapest one I liked. I'm sure she would've preferred being Elmo, but the Elmo costume was $40.

She has never seen a disney movie or cartoon and DP sometimes calls her princess (usually when she's asleep haha), but he also sometimes calls her mono (monkey), jungle child and neanderthal lol

I don't like gender roles as in not pushing them into kids or keeping them away. Dss the other day was curious about my nail polish and I asked him if he wanted me to paint his toe nails too. He said "NOOOO! Mommy said nail polish is for girls". I get so annoyed when I hear things like that and I tried explaining, that nail polish is just nail polish and is for anyone that wants to use it and I could tell he was really curious about it, but couldn't get him out of the it's for girls.

[tea_time]

My DD is only 3, so we're not into the worst of it yet. However, so far I have kept out Princess stuff as much as possible from our house. No clothes (baby or otherwise) that had Princesses, or sayings like "I"m the Princess", "Daddy's LIttle Princess", etc. No Disney books, movies or products. When she sees the Disney Princesses we refer to them as "Pretty Ladies" rather than by their official names.

She however has loved tutus, pink, sparkles and such from the beginning. I'm okay with that and we talk about being a ballerina, butterfly, etc. She is drawn to the Princess stuff in stores but I just don't buy them.

I'm sure I won't be able to hold it off much longer (knowing names of Disney characters) but so far so good.

[Phoebe]

Ok, I'm beginning to get it. I am also remembering just loving all things that had rinestones as a little girl. I also liked leopard print and if it was paired together...oh my. I wanted my mom to dye her hair black and wear a loepard print bathing suit with rinestone high heeled sandals back in the 70s. Basically, I was drawn to the,well, hooker look
And I am not a hooker now so there is no reason to worry that a princess loving daughter will be a superficial, high maintenance, well, princess when she grows up.

I guess I get the draw to sparkly and shiny. I remember that. To me that is where the inate thing comes in. It's specifically "princess" that bugs. It seem so manufactured.

But I get it...kind of!

Thanks!

[rightkindofme]

At 2.5 my daughter has almost zero interest in sparkles/shiny/Princessy stuff so I'm crossing my fingers that it lasts. I was also told it wouldn't be possible for me to avoid Dora. Well, so far my kid doesn't know who she is.

[Veronika01]

When my oldest dd was born (2006), I was adamant that she would not be a girly girl and she would not know what a dress looked like. I don't wear dresses myself and was forced to wear them as a child. The first time she wore a dress was at 16 months for her great-grandmother's funeral. Then I didn't put her in a dress again until she asked to wear one when she was over 2 years old. She LOVES all things girly and princess-y. LOVES and adores it with a passion I can't quite understand. My second daughter (3 in December) loves dresses and anything sparkly too. I am officially outnumbered by the girly girls in my family. Sometimes, you just gotta let go and let them take the lead. Unfortunately, they made lead you into a future filled with sparkles and frills, but if it makes them happy...

[lyterae]

Originally Posted by eclipse

My DD was one of those girls who was immediately attracted to anything sparkly and fancy - and I really think that is what attracts little girls to the princess thing, not so much the actual idea of being a princess. It's the same reason she likes ballet dancers, fairies, and, uh, drag queens .

Yes! DD hit about 3.5 and suddenly the obsession started, I tried to hold out but it could not be stopped.. She loves everything sparkly and fancy and would live in dress-up clothes, plastic high heels, and tiaras if I let her. She just last month got a disney princess "barbie", a combination of the two things I really did not want in the house.

[NiteNicole]

My mom was never one to let me have frilly dresses, dress up costumes, tutus, wings, etc. I so very much wanted ribbons and sparkles - just to play with. I was determined my daughter would have those if she wanted them. We haven't really given her any princess stuff, we don't have tee shirts that say "princess" on them (I hate all the "bad attitude and proud of it" tee shirts and don't find them cute at all). I have let her watch most of the Disney movies, which she enjoys. What did she want to be for Halloween this year? Peter Pan. That child is no more interested in princess. None at all. No dress up unless it's a knight or a pirate. Princess is just not her thing and I will be so very very unhappy with the first little so and so who tries to make her feel bad about it.

My very conventional, conservative family loves that this is who she is. She loves her long hair, she likes to wear dresses, but she's all about adventure and not of the princessy kind.

I think the princess thing can be fun and harmless, but I wouldn't shove it on a child. I wouldn't bring it up first but I know lots of moms do. At some point, they either take to it or they don't and I think if you have a little girl who is interested the best you can do is put a spin on it you're comfortable with. I don't like the idea of not letting my daughter have a certain kind of very conventional pretend play because it doesn't meet my ideals - especially as if a mother of a boy were interested in princess stuff, we would all be oh so very supportive that he should be allowed every sparkly wing and crown he can find. It's so very easy to send the message that all things pertaining to girls are bad.

[elmh23]

My dd was always attracted to the fancy, frilly dresses, loves nail polish and makeup and is always dancing around. She is exposed to Disney, but it's not all about that. She loves ballet and dancing and PINK. She doesn't have any princess clothing except a dress up out fit yet she makes her self dresses and other princess garb out of her play silks. Honestly, I don't think it's a big deal. She loves doing girly things but also LOVES bugs and sports. However, given a choice between ballet classes and soccer, she choose ballet. I wasn't surprised.

I honestly do not care what my kids are into. Dd has always been in to this very girly stuff, while ds1 has always been in to the typical-boy stuff, superheros, knights, sports. I let them be. THey all still play with the same toys, play the same games.

[sapphire_chan]

Dd likes this princess: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YJI9S5Yq3U

[mbm]

DD goes to a home daycare with four other little girls. It is Princess Central over there, with a huge dress up box of tutus and tiaras and those goofy plastic "high heel" shoes. They all LOVE IT.

Only the oldest girl (4) has seen any of the Disney movies. The fascination with princesses is more a love of sparkle and foof and trying on other people's shoes. I don't think they actually "play princess" -- they just want to run around playing blocks or helicopters or what have you with tutus on.

Actually, I am pleased that she gets the opportunity to play with princess paraphernalia over there because then she doesn't ask me to buy it.

[Norasmomma]

My DD is 4 and yes she likes princess stuff, but she also loves Toy Story(Buzz Lightyear for sure), trains, cars, dress up and numerous other things.

Honestly my friend has a son who is way more over the top into princess stuff. DD just likes all kinds of different things.

She really doesn't do baby dolls though, they just aren't her thing.

My biggest thing is letting her be her, whatever that may be, right now she really enjoys being a mini chef, so I'm going with that.

She's like me, I'm a tomboy who likes mascara and by golly I look good in a dress with make-up and perfume, I can also get down and dirty with zero problems.

[One_Girl]

My dd loved princess and fairy stuff after being exposed to it at preschool. I made sure the movies she watched were ones that showed strong princess and fairy characters (ironically the Barbie ones do this), read non-traditional princess stories, and just let her choose. She wore dresses everyday for years but other than that she was a princess who liked to do things we traditionally associate with boys. It didn't change her attitude or her view of who she was as a person.

[EdnaMarie]

I wrote a long answer but ultimately it comes down to this.

If you can keep your child from other kids, or have a wide range of really cool anti-princess people to choose from, and no other sources of princess contamination, you're good to go.

But it's like crack for the eyes. It's evolutionary: SPARKLES!!!! Once it gets into a town, there's no getting it out.

That's not to say it can't be mitigated, but avoided? Sure, if princess-loving friends can be avoided.

I for one don't have the heart.

[bella99]

You know, I don't think there's anything wrong with princess stuff. And the idea of trying to keep it away from a kid makes about as much sense as pushing it on a kid. And I'm not necessarily talking about princess in the Disney sense, but generally, also to include stereotypically "girlie" things. It should be about what the kid (boy or girl) is drawn to, not how the parents feel about it.

I get that a lot of the feeling about keeping girls away from it is that it reinforces gender stereotypes, but I just don't think it does any good to purposefully keep girls or boys away from certain kinds of toys.

My daughter just turned 2. She does have some girly toys (a baby stroller and doll for example), but she also likes to play with farm animals and dinosaurs and trucks. She plays with both things and I encourage her to play with whatever she is into at the moment, regardless of what it is as long as its safe.

[just_lily]

I run a home daycare, and have since my DD was 6 months old. So she has been exposed to all kinds of toys since she was old enough to even notice them. Cars, trains, blocks, balls, etc... along with dress up clothes, baby dolls, play kitchens, etc.

From the very beginning she has been obsessed with dolls. Dressing them up, pushing them in a stroller, feeding them. She is just very naturally drawn to these toys.

I don't think I should prevent her from playing with them.... nor should I push them on her. She has a wide variety of toys available and she can take it from there.

As for the dress up clothes, it is the "girlie" stuff that is just more fun. In my house it is the tutus, dresses and high heeled shoes that are popular with both genders. I also have a space man outfit and some construction hats and whatnot in my dressup box but nobody wants to wear them... they all want to wear the heels, boys and girls alike. And I don't tell anyone "no."