Birthday Parties and the Gift Issue

[Limabean1975]

Uggggh. I am sure this has been discussed many times over, but of course I cannot find it.

In a few weeks, we will be hosting a birthday party for my soon-to-be 5 year old. Maximum 8 kids, school friends. He really wants one, having attended the parties of friends.

We will do a simple 2 hour home party - pizza, cake, a few games.

I just don't know what to do about the gift thing. Of course, DS wants presents. But I, of course, don't want excess clutter, excess "stuff", excess sense of entitlement. I also don't want to obligate the parents of his friends to spend....but it's the way it goes around here.

I've heard of book-exchange parties and the like, but at just 5yo, DS is likely going to expect what he has seen friends get.

I don't know if there is a solution here! BUt I have to fill out the invitations today, so I'm looking for any advice out there.

[leighi123]

Maybe once gifts are received, have your ds donate one toy for each new toy he got. He can choose to donate one of the new gifts, or an old toy. That way he can still get 'new stuff' but you wont have any more clutter than you have already. It will also help someone in need.

[Limabean1975]

That's a great idea...I hope I can convince him of it! What about the obligating others to spend?

[zinemama]

We did "your presence but no presents" when our kids were babies-toddlers. But like you, at age 5, our son had started going to parties where gifts were given. We weren't about to prevent his friends from bringing him presents, and I don't think you should, either.

In our circle, presents are not a big deal - that is, it's not about a huge, expensive gift. Most presents are modest, like a book, a small lego kit, a tin of homemade cookies. No one feels obligated to spend.

If these guests are your sons friends, l would let things be. Let them have the fun of picking out something they think your son would like (the pleasure in gift-giving is a two way street, remember).

[Mom2M]

I think his friends should definitely be able to pick out a gift for him. Since it isn't a huge party, you won't get too much stuff, probably just little things that the other kids like too.

[Limabean1975]

Zinemama and Mom2M, thank you so much for your wise words. Just what I needed. And you are right, typical gifts given by children to children at birthday parties seem to be pretty small and reasonable around here. And DS does enjoy picking and bringing gifts to parties. THANK YOU! You have knocked a little sense into me. I was overthinking.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by leighi123

Maybe once gifts are received, have your ds donate one toy for each new toy he got. He can choose to donate one of the new gifts, or an old toy. That way he can still get 'new stuff' but you wont have any more clutter than you have already. It will also help someone in need.

Honestly, I wouldn't do this. It would be pretty hurtful for a child to find out that a toy they picked out and gave as s b-day gift was then donated.

If you want to do this, have him donate his old toys - but not the new ones.

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by leighi123

Maybe once gifts are received, have your ds donate one toy for each new toy he got. He can choose to donate one of the new gifts, or an old toy. That way he can still get 'new stuff' but you wont have any more clutter than you have already. It will also help someone in need.

I agree, or at least free up space. I met someone who did this for all major gift occasions--I got something from her on craigslist--and I was all, ka-ching! Stealing that idea.

Oh, but I do agree, it should not be one of the new ones. We got gifts for DD1 (she just turned four) and it was so fun for her. But this Christmas and Eid, she's definitely going to be doing some de-cluttering, LOL!