6yo pushing 1yo; how to handle?

[Still_Learning]

Ds, 6, is having a hard time with having a little sister. We are working on that.

One major issue for me is that ds pushes dd down when he gets frustrated. Ds has aspergers, so explains a bit of the behavior but doesn't excuse it. I only mention it to say that it's not usually as clear cut as something with a neurotypical child

So how do I handle the pushing? The first few times I freaked and handled it emotionally and poorly. Yelling, sending ds to his room... Snce then I've been trying to matter of tacky send ds to his room to cool off and then we talk about better ways to handle the situation next time and apologize to baby

Not working and no ideal. But I'm at a loss.

What to do?

[mom2grrls]

Since he is 6 I would talk to him about what specifically frustrates him with the baby. I would also make sure i'm close by when baby is near him so you can intervene quickly. It will probably just take some time for him to use other ways to deal with his frustration as 6 y/o can still be a bit impulsive that way. Perhaps do some role playing also with you being the baby so he can rehearse what else he can do instead.

[Still_Learning]

I can't be right next to him every minute and that's what it would require. Her just being near him irriates him and she adores him, so is always trying to be near him. It always happens when he's sitting on the couch ad she approachs him. He pushes her hard with his feet to get her away.

I've discussed, role played, givien him alternatives.....it just keeps happening.

[5gifts]

Here's something I did. I told him to yell "MOM!" if she was approaching (or doing something he didn't like) & he was going to hit/shove.

At first there was only a second between the call for me & the shove. But I would respond immediatly every time & it got better. I had to constantly remind him - don't hit/shove, call me & I'll rescue you. there was no way he could deal with her by taking other actions apon himself. He would get mad if even her blanket or girly toys touched him. When she got a little older & he asked me for a drink, if she tried to take it to him, he got furious. And she really wanted to give him things or help him.

When she was older - like 2.5/3 - I made a point of coaching them in play. Telling him that she really wants to play with him, and he can make up the action & she'll play how he wants. (unlike playing with the older brother who would tell him what to do). That little sis was older now and she'll promise not to mess up the game. (and then would coach little sis that if she wants him to let her play, she has to follow his lead & not frustrate the play. just cooperate) As they grew & became better playmates, the dynamic eqaulled out - I would never have let him just boss her around - don't think he could, she's quite assertive!

Even after they started being able to play together, she said to her sunday school class "My big brother loves me, but my brother J doesn't love me any"
Broke my heart. They were 3 6 & 9 at the time. He wouldn't acknowledge that he liked her at all. So I started constantly catching & complimenting them when they were doing something together & having fun. Emphasizing to him that she was doing cool stuff with him & being a fun playmate.