Is depresion normal for 7 year old?

[mangogirll]

My daughter is 7 years old, and she sometimes gets depressed saying things like "I hate my life, and I hate myself", she does give some valid reasons, like she dislikes homework, and piano practice, and she really wants us to spend more time together as a whole family, and is very sad when dad is away for work over the weekend. So even though her points are valid I believe she is too young to be having such almost teenage thoughts and feelings. It breaks my heart to hear her suffering such deep pain, and I want to know if this is normalish for a 7 year old, or should I set up child therapy?

I want to also add that these depressed moods last only 15 minutes or so (not long) and that her life is quite adult like, since she is an only child, and therefor spends quite a lot of time in the adult realm, we take her to restaurants, art galleries, dinner parties with us etc... However we try to protect her as much as possible, she does not know how to use a cell phone or computer, rarely watches TV/movies, we talk a lot about fairies and magic, read books, do creative things etc.. so she is on the one hand quite innocent and protected, but at the same time, quite aware and mature.

[treegardner]

I do not want to belittle her feelings at all, but could she possibly be repeating statements that she has heard elsewhere? Maybe she says "I hate my life" when she really means she's just frustrated or sad. Otherwise I do not think it is normal for a child to be depressed. I hope you can figure out the problem and find a solution soon.

[phathui5]

My 10yo has said things like that when he's frustrated or can't do something he wants to do.

If she's able to move on fairly quickly, I wouldn't necessarily call it "depression." Everyone has ups and downs; it's good that she's able to talk to you about how she's feeling.

[One_Girl]

It sounds more like she is expressing a feeling of hating what she is being told to do and hating the situation rather than hating her actual life. I suggest sympathizing with her using other feeling words like frustrated, sad, tired of ______, etc... to try to move her away from focusing on just the one word. I think that hate is a word kids hear a lot and it gets used to replace many feeling words. I believe depression is a deeper feeling that doesn't go away day after day, it goes deeper than complaints about piano practice and homework (or in our case spaghetti for dinner). If you think that she is stuck in a cycle of hardly ever having bright spots in her day then I think you should worry. It doesn't sound like that is the case though. It sounds like she vents then gets over it and moves on with life.

Complaining is a valid expression of emotions, but I also think that it is good for kids to learn how to move past frequent complaints. I have addressed the daily complaining stage by talking to dd about not complaining so much, pointing out the good things dd has, reading books about looking on the bright side, and empathizing when she does complain then trying to find either a compromise or telling her I hope she can work through her feelings as she does what I am requiring her to do depending on how attached I am to having her do a given activity or task. I think that if you can negotiate some things and let them go as requirements you should. Other things may not be always negotiable.

[Linda on the move]

I think that talking to her feelings and working on processing feelings is important, but that a child who is sad for 15 minutes isn't *depressed.*

And if she hates the piano, then let her quit. Her life should be filled with joy. Somethings are difficult to change, such as a parent's work schedule, but things in her life that are just for *her* should be about *her*. It's time to talk to her about what she wants to do.

[pinky]

She doesn't sound depressed, she does sound like a pretty normal 7 year-old. 7-8 is a hard age, or at least it was for my dd and many of her friends!

[4evermom]

Depression isn't something that lasts for only 15 minutes. It is a chronic condition, something that lasts for days, weeks, months or years. Someone who is depressed generally doesn't smile or laugh for those periods... Children who are depressed don't typically announce it verbally.

Here's a web article that describe what depression looks like in kids: http://depression.about.com/od/child...nssymptoms.htm

I decided my ds was depressed after he started school at 4. It was effecting his eating and sleeping. He was anxious and having trouble enjoying himself during activities that he usually enjoyed. He stopped being happy, ever, for weeks until I withdrew him. It didn't go away magically after that but it got steadily better.

[mangogirll]

Oh thank you to all of your wonderful thoughts and ideas. Yes I do understand now, that she is not depressed as I put it, but sad and frustrated, and negative/complaining and hating what she is being told to do, as some of you said.
But when she does say those things, she cries and the feelings appear very deep, and it's frightens me, because it's the sort of the way I occasionally felt, but when I was older, 9 onwards, and mostly when I was 15 etc..
And you are right that it is good she is expressing her feelings, although when she had her most recent sad/frustrated bout I asked her how often she felt that way, whether she felt upset/unhappy when she plays with kids and is having a good time, and she said yes, however in hind site she was surely exaggerating.
I think it is hard on all of us, but mostly on her now that she is in real school, and has daily homework, and these sorts of more adult responsibilities. Regarding the piano practice, it's because she is in a music school, so all the children play instruments, she generally like likes the piano, but perhaps I could switch her to another instrument, to change things up a bit.

[DariusMom]

My son had an outburst last week. He started sobbing and saying, "I've never been happy *ever*." This was pretty darn shocking to DH and me!

But . .. .it was over within 15 minutes. Of course, he's been happy. In his almost eight years, I'm pretty confident he's been happy 90% of the time. He's also an only child, gets lots of attention, is very social, etc. We spend a great deal of time together as a family, and he's never shown signs of depression.

So . ... it was clearly a lot of stress and emotion from the week coming out. By the next morning it was all forgotten.

Some kids feel things very deeply, as do adults, they need to express it, even in seemingly dramatic terms, and then the emotion is out and dealt with.

I agree with the PPs that it doesn't sound chronic and is well within the realm of normal.

[Linda on the move]

how pressured is her school? How much time each day is spending doing homework and practicing?

I also recommend reading up on "non-violent communication." There are web sites and books about it. It is a way of talking to someone who is expressing emotions, and how to respond to what they are saying in ways that are helpful to them. I think that using that style of response could be helpful to your DD.

GOOD LUCK

[bass chick]

As a child I remember saying to my mom that I wished I had never been born. I would ask her things like "Why did you even have me?" The earliest I remember saying these things was at age 6. For the most part I was happy. I really struggled with my emotions. As a teenager I struggled with anorexia nervosa to the point of being hospitalized for 7 continual years. The only catalyst for anorexia that I could identify was low self-esteem and "hating" life, not the usual abuse that is so often paired with eating disorders. Now at 36 I have chronic depression which for the most part is controlled with a mild medication.

I'm not telling you this to scare you or discourage you. I do think you should help your child work through her feelings. Identifying feelings is a big problem for me and often my uncomfortable feelings were just translated into "I hate myself. I hate life."

I would also recommend positive affirmations on a daily basis. And when she says things about hating herself and her life you may want to just hang out with her and do something fun that you like to do together. I wished my mom would have stopped working in the kitchen and come and played a game with me, or played with my stuffies with me, or even just sat and talked about something like nature....anything other than her response of "How do you think that makes ME feel?" and then she would start crying.

[mangogirll]

Thank you for your honest contribution Bass Chick, it's saddening to hear how your mother was with you, but I suppose the best we can do is take it as a lesson as how to not be with our children. I cannot even imagine what it must have been like being "hospitalized for 7 continual years" I have had a hospital stay of about two weeks and it was quite unpleasant, and seven years I cannot even understand how it would work.

I like the idea of positive affirmations, and your other suggestions are great. I think we are overall good parents, we talk with her a lot, (especially since my parents did not do so, and I was embarassed to talk about my feelings with them), I understand how important it is, but perhaps her schedule is too full, and she is overwhelmed.

[bass chick]

I just reread my post from yesterday. *What* was I thinking when I wrote that??  Most of it wasn't helpful at all, and I appologize!

I didn't mean to suggest that anyone here is not a good parent or doesn't listen to their child.

[squimp]

Basschick I just want to give you a big hug.  Sometimes we can learn from others' struggles.