Any ideas? - Page 2

[Holiztic]

Originally Posted by MJB

Honestly, it's not your job to entertain him 24/7. From your most recent post, it sounds like he needs to learn to entertain himself at this age. Yes, he will get bored, and he probably will meltdown since this is new to him, but I'd actually go for less structure instead of more. You're setting him up for a lifetime of boredom if you keep him busy all the time at 3. Give him an environment rich in books, art supplies, puzzles, toys, and free time outdoors and he will learn to occupy himself. Gifted kids need to work on this skill just as much or more than a typical 3 yr. old.
I regularly tell my kids, "It's not my job to entertain you." At his age, it's not even your job to "keep him happy." He's a preschooler, not an infant, and some boredom/whining/crying is not going to hurt him.

Oh I am SOOOOO with you on this! My kid is 3.5 and very bright (gifted--who knows?) and a year ago when he was starting to pick up letters and doing addition a subtraction in his head AND acting up, demanding my attention---I thought, for a moment, about this whole idea of "needing challenge/academic structure" or else he's bored, demanding, etc.

Well I decided it was misleading to believe this--he's bright but he's still 2.5--now 3.5--so I looked for other causes of his behavior/needines. With some Ayurveda, more sleep (a little more), and YES--MORE TO DO--- more outside time (a lot more), and more storytelling (him telling stories to me)--it got somewhat better. THEN I just did the continuum concept thing and got busy around the house, in the yard, etc. and after a week or two of fussing he just "got" it--that he needed to entertain himself! Now I see his intelligence coming out as much as if he were reading (he is not) or doing math worksheets, but instead it's with imaginary play (way beyond most 3.5 year olds) and self-care and, yes, very 'gifted' story-telling!

Maybe your (OP) child does "need" more formal academics, scheduled work, I certainly cannot judge that--but I am telling you-my son WAS that kid last year and I decided to fill the "void" with more age-appropriate things. I am not stifling his gifts--he IS USING THEM, just toward different ends.

I was reading a discussion (Well-trained mind forums, I think) about the difference between a gifted kid going faster or going deeper/broader. I really hope throughout my son's education (homeschoolers here, too) we'll be able to lean more toward the latter. I'm sure he'll work ahead somewhat, but I'd like to afford him the opportunity to see and do more, not see and do the same in a shorter amount of time!

[St. Margaret]

I can so relate to this, because my 3.5 DD is always asking for more more more-- not to be entertained, but things to tackle. And I was honestly not doing enough-- I have been phsyically OUT OF IT since the summer because of this pregnancy. So I needed the structure, too, just to be sure I made myself read to her a respectable amount every day, and had a few actvities each week for fun. But it'sreally tricky finding things that are appropriate for her as a 3.5 year old who is so asynchronous!

I'm a secondary teacher so some of this comes to me a bit easily (plus both my parents work with younger kids, teaching and a good child care center at home, so I've seen a lot of it). I decided on themes, and yeah, we'll whip through a lot in one day sometimes, but it just keeps us investigating stuff. Then we can dig as deep as we want, or just read picture books that kind of relate. So two weeks back was Halloween and we just read stories with bats and owls and pumpkins and stuff, but this past week was stars-- and we got behind because of birth prep and a bad cold but who cares, we finished today-- and she's now talking about Sirius is like this and that star is blue so it's really hot... so she kind of picks where she wants to go crazy. And we'll just stop in the middle of a book and make up our own stories and sometimes write them down in a book and she'll illustrate them. It just all gives us stuff to do. I go to the library at least once a week and often find books just the day of, but placing holds while looking online is GREAT, too. We haven't done a lot of math beyond just talking about stuff and counting, but she knows we can get out a workbook at any time. Otherwise it's like how many trips up the escalator do we need to do if we're on this floor going to that one? And we do Italian; I try to find words in our fun picture dictionaries that relate to our themes, but again, we sip some weeks and just go with the flow. DD is VERY capable of playing on her own, so again, I was needing to meet her needs better and be fair to her. But I also tell her when it's break time, and she can tell you how playing is an important part of homeschool, too And We get out a lot, and do household stuff when I can, phsyically

I'm going to be reading over this thread more carefully, for tips. Thanks for starting it!

[ellemenope]

Originally Posted by Holiztic

Well I decided it was misleading to believe this--he's bright but he's still 2.5--now 3.5--so I looked for other causes of his behavior/needines. With some Ayurveda, more sleep (a little more), and YES--MORE TO DO--- more outside time (a lot more), and more storytelling (him telling stories to me)--it got somewhat better. THEN I just did the continuum concept thing and got busy around the house, in the yard, etc. and after a week or two of fussing he just "got" it--that he needed to entertain himself! Now I see his intelligence coming out as much as if he were reading (he is not) or doing math worksheets, but instead it's with imaginary play (way beyond most 3.5 year olds) and self-care and, yes, very 'gifted' story-telling!

That is some good wisdom Holiztic.

I don't know. DD is only 2.25. I have never thought her to be that demanding, but at 18 months I was ready to put her in full time school. I do remember thinking that she needed more. She would not leave me alone.

Fast-forward 9 months and she probably plays by herself 75% of the time. She is still not in school. We have no curriculum. We probably only talk about academic-y type things a total of 20 minutes a day.

I will get down on the floor every now and then and scaffold more mature story lines and model better vocabulary. We will listen to different kinds of music all day long. I will throw her crafts and activities. We will read a ton. We will talk while out on errands. We will talk while cuddling in bed after her nap. We actually do talk a lot. But, 75% of her day is spent playing by herself. She talks non-stop to herself and plays with her toys. I could not be happier.

I just kept myself busy and continuously set her up with "ideas" about how she could play with her toys. At first it took a lot of me showing her how to play and have fun. But, now it is not an issue. DD will start pretend playing with her little wooden animals right in front of us, just chatting away. We kind of feel unneeded, but, we love listening to her play.

Just the other day, she kept herself entertained with three gum wrappers on the subway for over 30 minutes. She was talking to them. They were walking around. She called them her secret papers that went in her secret pocket.

But, I don't know. Maybe it has a lot to do with DD's personality. It is certainly nice. And, she still learns a ton throughout the day.

Who knows what it will be like when she is almost 4.

[joensally]

There is so much good advice in this thread.

I'm going to ditto everything in Roar's post, and the notion that it's not your job (or healthy for him) for you to manage his intensity to that degree. The greatest gift you could give him is strategies to actively manage his own intensity and SPD. He has to live in this body of his. We've had very little OT therapy, but assessments, planned therapy diets and a lot of reading have given us a lot of strategies to help DS.

I used the Peggy Kaye books around that age. Lots of great ideas. And OoS Child Has Fun is good too.

Another great book is Smart but Scattered - not SPD, but it provides great strategies to identify and deal with executive function issues. SPD can cause attentional and anxiety issues, and bolstering EF skills can help.

Personally, I would see managing the sensory stuff as the first priority. When he's more regulated he'll be better able to focus and enjoy his life. You don't mention if you plan to homeschool or if he'll attend school. If he's going to be schooled out of home, helping him manage his sensory systems will be a huge benefit to him. Getting in trouble (which is inevitable in a group situation for a sensory seeker) is really bad for self-esteem and inclusion with peers and in the classroom.

[Stephenie]

Thanks for all of the ideas.

We do plan to homeschool for quite some time, maybe all the way through school. I don't really see school as a good fit for him and I don't want the idea that he is "bad" planted into his head at an early age because of the sensory seeking. No matter how hard we work on it, he is still going to want more input than school will give him. Plus he is really, really stubborn and if in two years, he went to K and was told to sit still and "learn" his letters he would not take it well.  We also travel a lot and live in a pretty crummy school district. The combination of it all just makes homeschooling our best fit.

I do think that all kids are different and he really does crave academic activities. Pretend play isn't his thing. I don't know if it's his personality, the SPD or what, but beyond story- telling (which he loves to do) and occasionally pretending to be an animal he has little to do with pretend play. We do need to work on a sensory diet as well and are working on having more options at home for him. We're setting up a sensory room for him for Christmas.

I am putting the "job box" idea into effect tomorrow, hopefully it goes well. I also got a few books, one of math games for kids and another science book. He just loves science. I do better with him when I have the ideas planned out for me a bit.

Anyway, thanks again for your ideas.

[Roar]

One more idea...

If you don't already have it he may enjoy some of the following: tape measure, stopwatch, ruler, dice, calculator.

These were the source of hours of engagement during the preschool years at our house. If he wants direction you can always assign simple little activities. How long does it take you to run around the house, wow really can you beat your best time? How tall is the dining room table? What is the biggest number you can roll with three dice in the next three minutes...

[ahappymedium]

There are a ton of great ideas in here, but I wouldn't hesitate to buy a curriculum if you felt like that would be helpful to you.  I don't really understand the difference between that and printing out a bunch of stuff online, except the latter is cheaper.  If it doesn't cause you a financial hardship to buy a curriculum, then I say go for it.  It doesn't sound like you plan to follow it to the letter, but it might give you a bit of support that you seem to be needing right now.

FWIW, I have a nearly 7 year old gifted boy who was in some ways similar to your son at that age, and he has gotten much better about entertaining himself.  He loves legos, spends a great deal of time doing that in his down time.  My son also was diagnosed with SPD (although being in public settings never bothered him too much), and I don't see many of those qualities in him anymore.  We didn't do OT, just tried tried to provide plenty of sensory activities for him.

Regarding Waldorf, my son did go to a Waldorf school for one year of preschool, and while it helped his sensory issues tremendously, (they played outside so much, which was amazing) I do think he needed more academically.  When we moved the next year and found a play-based preschool (very loosely Reggio based) for him, his behavior and general disposition was much improved.

I am actually considering buying a curriculum for my son.  We don't homeschool (he is still in the same small private school), but he is only getting a little differentiation at this point, and I think he needs a little more exploration at home.  I have found some good resources online, but it would be very appealing to me to find a lot of high quality material in one place.

I wish you luck.  As they say...it gets better.