Not meeting teachers until night before school

[Fianna]

So we registered my dd for kindergarten yesterday. I am really excited about it for her and terrified of someone else taking care of her all day all at the same time (it's a full-day kindergarten). But I'm really wanting to get involved with the school and had heard that they really encourage and support parental involvement. Sounds great to me!

So when we registered yesterday I asked when we would find out who her teacher is, when we would have a chance to let her tour the school so she could see where everything was, etc. And the secretary (who is the only person we saw) said that open house was the night before school began. It's from 6-8 p.m. and we would find out everything then. Hmmm. Well, so I'm a little bothered by that. First of all, I wanted to meet her teacher before that, if possible. There are five kindergarten classes and it's important to me to at least have a feel for the person who is suddenly going to be with my child 7 hrs everyday! And I really wanted my dd to have a couple of days to absorb and process everything before she actually has to go to school for the first time. That's an awful lot to expect from her to deal with so quickly, imo. She is VERY shy and even though she wanted to talk to the secretary yesterday, when we were actually there she couldn't even bring herself to say hello to her. Poor kid.

So am I being overprotective and unreasonable? Should I just go with the flow and hope for the best? I'm just feeling a little out of sorts and not sure what, if anything, to do about it.

[AnnMarie]

It's the same way here, but the parents go to school with the kids on the first day. I'm signing my 4 year old up for K next month. He seems to young to me, but he'll be 5 before the cut off date so... My other son was almost 6 before they'd let him start. I hate the age cut off here. It doesn't make any sense.

Anyway, it is normal for them to only get to meet the teacher once before school starts. Maybe you could ask about staying with her on the first day if she wants you to?

[Mothra]

When my son started Kindergarten they did not want to tell me who his teacher was until the week before school started. Their reason was that they often had to make last-minute changes and these were harder on the parents and children if they already thought they knew who the teacher was going to be. It made me mad at the time, but in retrospect it makes more sense.

Honestly, I don't know if you would really get much of a "feel" for the teacher until school starts, anyway. Obviously you want to meet the teacher and let her know that you are interested in your child's education and want to be involved in her learning experiences, but you won't really know if there is a compatibility issue until school starts.

I think you should be able to tour the school, though, and just see where the library, cafeteria, and everything else is. I would wait until closer for time for school to start, though. Her memory might not hold all of that in over the summer. I might have a problem if I was refused access to the school.

Good luck! I was so excited and sad when my oldest started Kindergarten. The thought of my other two going off to school is so weird at this point.

[witch's mom]

Oh, Fianna, I am so with you on this subject. I'm sending my younger DD to K in the fall, she's never been to preschool, she's hypersensitive, she's confident, she's excited . . . and the school cannot (or will not) give us any information in advance. I'm turning her over to someone else for half a day, but I have no idea who that is or what tone they'll use when they speak to her (this is a big issue for my DD . . .). We'll find out before the end of this school year WHAT TIME SLOT she'll get, but won't find out which teacher until right before school starts in August. Logically, I get it. I know why they won't release info, even if they have it. (It might change, etc.) But from the standpoint of preparing my child for what will be a big change in her life, I am a lot more helpless than I'd like to be.

Here's what we're doing to prepare her: Every day when we take older DD to school, we walk past the kindergarten playground and talk about how she'll go there next year. We've walked around campus many times, and she's been in her sister's classroom a few times. This Friday is Open House, where this year's classes show off their work, and we'll be checking out the kindergarten classrooms and saying hello to ALL the kindergarten teachers. (We toured the K rooms last year, too, even though DD2 was only 3!) We also go play on the kindergarten playground after hours sometimes and peek in the windows of the kindergarten rooms when no one's inside. Sometimes the kindergartners are outside doing PE when we go pick up DD1 from second grade, and we watch them. Once we get notification of her teacher, we'll pop in before school starts, hoping to catch the teacher setting up the classroom, and say a private hello.

[daylily]

That's unfortunate, Fianna.

Does this school have any upcoming PTO programs? Or does the PTO do a Spring Fundraiser such as a fun fair? If so, you could attend with your dd and at least see how the school interacts as a community. Teachers sometimes attend these events, so you could possibly meet some of the kindergarten teachers, even if you don't know which one will be assigned to your dd.

[Fianna]

Thanks for all of the great ideas! The school is half a mile from our house and we do go up to the playground sometimes. And obviously we drive by it all the time. I love the idea of finding something like a carnival or fair that we could drop in on. I think I'll call the school tomorrow and see if that's possible.

This is where being an AP mom becomes hard because most of the kids coming into the kindergarten class have been to preschool and/or have been in daycare for years, so the school sees very few moms like me who even question issues like the ones I'm raising. I know I can't protect her from everything but I really want this first school experience to be as positive as possible. The wrong teacher could put her into such a downward spiral that she seriously would refuse to talk. I've seen it happen.

I also will check and see if I'm allowed to hang around the first day. I know that would make dd and me feel much better.

Thanks again, mamas!

[lauren]

I am spoiled! Our school does such a lovely k-garten transition and I just assumed it was happening everywhere! The kids are placed in May, they visit their classroom and teacher in June, they get to take a trial bus ride to learn the rules of the bus. The k-garten teacher sends them postcards all summer talking about what fun k-garten will be. Then there is another get together in the classroom in August. There are 3 parent meeting nights between the k-garten teachers and the "incoming parents"--in January, June and then August right before school starts. By the time real k-garten starts, everyone is all comfy cozy with each other. Oh, I wish eveyrone could have this. It gave me such peace of mind, and my kids were more relaxed too upon starting. Maybe you could go to the PTO and suggest changes??

[Fianna]

Oh I am SO envious! My dd would LOVE that! What a wonderful set-up!

Would you mind pming me and telling me what school system it is so that if I do propose such a change at our school I can have a real school to refer them to as an example? My littlest dd will be going to the same school in a few years, so maybe I can get things changed in time for her!

[witch's mom]

Lauren, that sounds so great. It SHOULD be like that everywhere. How many kids are in your K classes there? Our ratio is 32:1. Kinda says it all. . .

[Fianna]

Holy cow! 32:1?! That's insane! And it should be illegal! I have a hard enough time taking care of all the needs of my *two* children all day, and they are mine! No teacher should have the responsibility of taking care of 32 children. Are there at least paraprofessionals and parent assistants in the classroom on a regular basis?

I was feeling a bit uneasy that there will be 18-20 in my dd's class...

[witch's mom]

Yeah, they count on parent volunteers pretty heavily. (I did a lot of messy painting projects when DD1 was in kindergarten!) And while the rest of California went to 20:1 under the class size reduction act a few years ago, our district didn't do it for kindergarten because kindergarten isn't mandatory. So they limp by with 32:1, a bunch of parent volunteers, and some weird deal where for half the time, they team teach so it's 32:2. Or sometimes they run their own "slip" session, where half the class comes for 90 minutes (16:1), then the rest of the class comes for the next 90 minutes (32:1), then the first half of the class goes home, leaving the second half (16:1). Believe me, when DD1 got to first grade and there were only 18 kids, it felt like one-on-one attention.

[lauren]

Around here, the class size is usually 14-16, and there are usually 2 teachers plus a volunteer grandma. The population base is much smaller here, but I wonder (since it still costs $ to pay teachers and staff) why we can get such good staffing here (it's certainly not a rich district).

One other thing that we have, and this has been a volunteer in collaboration with the school run program: a program called Cradle to Cubby. As a baby, each child is paired up with a "buddy" that is in K or 1st grade. Each year they have a reunion, they send letters to each other and the big pal sends a gift book to the little pal (usually paperbacks). Then when the baby grows and gets to k-garten, s/he has a big 5th or 6th grade pal to welcome him/her to school. My daughter still hugs her big pal whenever she sees her at school. It is a great idea and maybe that could be replicated at your school too. The volunteers did have to get a grant to pay for the books and to help with the organization of it, etc. I just did a quick search and found the foundation that funded them (at least one year). See http://www.drm.com/newstand/fund/200...uarter2000.asp
Scroll down to Pittsford Alliance for Literary Success

[donimomof3]

Re: Not meeting teachers until night before school

Originally posted by Fianna

So when we registered yesterday I asked when we would find out who her teacher is, when we would have a chance to let her tour the school so she could see where everything was, etc. And the secretary (who is the only person we saw) said that open house was the night before school began. It's from 6-8 p.m. and we would find out everything then. Hmmm. Well, so I'm a little bothered by that.

The school will not assign your child to a class, probably until the week before pre-planning for teachers (that's how it is in my school). I agree it stinks.

I'm a teacher and we were taught in our teacher induction training the county gives to either call the kids in our class a week before school, or send them a card welcoming them and telling them about open house. I sent cards two years ago, and I got in trouble for it by my principal. I was told this year that we are not allowed to let ANYONE know who is in our class until the day before school starts, because they do not want parents showing up to meet the teachers before open house. Never mind our system was recognized by Harry Wong for following his induction training, and this is one of his BIGGIES. My principal does not believe in Harry Wong, so even though the system tells us to call or write the kids, my principal does not allow it.

Some principals are far more concerned with the school looking perfect for open house than they are with kids being comfortable. If kids show up before open house, things might not look perfect. that's what it's all about.

[donimomof3]

The way it should be

Originally posted by lauren
I am spoiled! Our school does such a lovely k-garten transition and I just assumed it was happening everywhere! The kids are placed in May, they visit their classroom and teacher in June, they get to take a trial bus ride to learn the rules of the bus. The k-garten teacher sends them postcards all summer talking about what fun k-garten will be. Then there is another get together in the classroom in August. There are 3 parent meeting nights between the k-garten teachers and the "incoming parents"--in January, June and then August right before school starts. By the time real k-garten starts, everyone is all comfy cozy with each other. Oh, I wish eveyrone could have this. It gave me such peace of mind, and my kids were more relaxed too upon starting. Maybe you could go to the PTO and suggest changes??

You are very lucky. That's the way it should be. My youngest, Polly, starts kindergarten next year. I know that I am not letting her (or my other two) go to the school I am at next year (way too child-unfriendly), but I haven't decided where they will go yet. I am hoping I can find a school in this county that will let Polly come early and meet her teachers. I will be working open house at my school, so I will not even be able to go with my own kids to open house (all schools in our county do open house at the same time). If I could find a school like the one you describe, I would be ecstatic!