Pregnant with a toddler/other children

[penstamon]

I really wanted to wait until DS was a little older (coming up on 16mo) and a little less needy for mama until I got pregnant again, but this little bean could not wait. I am finding that I am stretched so thin and am so invested in DS that I really have had no time to connect with this pg. I am starting the 2nd tri and I was shocked to realize it was 1/3 over and that I hadn't really had time to be excited. I loved being pg with DS and I was really looking forward to it again- given a little later-and I am sad that it is just flying by. This will most likely be our last LO and I just feel so mortal- kinda like when you realize your childhood is gone.

Anyone else have these feelings on a 2nd pregnancy (or 3rd, 4th, etc)? How did you find time/ways to connect and feel like you were really living it and not just going through the motions?

[Mamatoabunch]

It will be different, that is ok. It isn't a reflection of your care of your baby in tummy, this is just a different experience w/ a little one already in tow. I was entirely obsessed my first pregnancy so I kind of like the relaxing feeling of having done this before and just going w/ the flow of it.

[MamaPhD]

I feel a mix, like I enjoy this (#2) pregnancy more sometimes & less sometimes. But overall I am happy about where I am with DD almost 2 and new DS due in March. I got pregnant when DD was 18 months. Even though DH and I planned it then, we didnt expect to get pregnant like immediately so I did have that "OMG already!" panic for a little while. But DD and DS will have same spacing as me and my sister and we are super close so I am looking forward to them growing up together.

With my first, I was working full time at a very demanding job so I always had (or at least show) this attitude like "yes I'm pregnant but it doesn't really affect me & the new baby won't affect my work". Also I was surrounded by people who didn't have kids due to career, etc so not much support that way. But if I took a day off or something I was able to have my own time with my pregnancy and really relax. I did work until 4 days before my due date (7 days before birth) so didn't really get a chance to nest and stuff. But thanks to online shopping, I was able to get things like baby clothes and pump parts on line after baby was already here.

With this pregnancy, I am staying at home & doing a co-op preschool with DD. So days go by just as quickly as when I was working. But I am supprounded by other parents & toddlers a lot of times and we all share the bond of parenthood & pregnancies. DD has been sweet about "small baby in mommy's tummy" so far. So I am looking forward to DD and DS making special bonds later on. After DD goes to bed, then I have some me time with #2. I feel much more relaxed about #2 cuz I feel like I know what I will need. Also I have a lot of baby stuff from DD so don't have to buy much.

[Lucy&Jude'sMama]

I'm at the end with my second. Literally at the end I'm 40 weeks and 2 days.

Anyways I never really connected fully to this pregnancy. The first one was totally different. I was connected and happy all the time. This time vie struggled with feeling connected and ive pretty much been a moody witch most of my pregnancy.

One thing that did help me was goon and getting a 3D elective ultrasound. I know a lot of mommies are against ultrasounds especially elective ones but I felt I needed to do something to get connected to this kid. So I found a place that did elective and they took their time with me and it was really nice. I put his picture in my bathroom and on the fridge so I see him everyday. It's really helped me feel more of a connection and it reminds me that I'm baking a little human. I also talk about it with my daughter quite often.

Other than doing that I'm kind of just going with the flow. I was in no rush for this pregnancy to end. It felt like it was flying by but this past week I'm dying to finall meet my little man! I mean literally my entire pregnancy I've been joking and saying "oh he can stay in there as long as he wants... I'm in no rush to be a mother of two." BUT now that I'm actually at the end... Hahaha I think I might have jinxed myself!!! I want this kid out!!! Lol

[DanielleT]

My first two pregnancies flew by and were great...my previous pregnancy was a loss of twins; so now that i'm pregnant again it has been the longest pregnancy ever...Until recently I've been reluctant to connect to this baby in fear of another loss and everyday that passes I feel blessed to be still pregnant...I'm finding the further along i get and more she moves around in there it's easier to connect but i can't wait until March when i can actually hold her in my arms and really bond with my baby...

[3xMama]

It was definately different for me to bond with pregnancy #2 and #3 (my current). It was especially difficult this go around because my DS was only about 7 months old when we found out we were expecting again. The time really seemed to fly past before I had a chance to accept the pregnancy, much less bond! It became much easier after I had had several midwife appts and heard the hb several times. But when it really became real and when I started focusing more on my pregnancy (and not going a day or two forgetting I was pregnant!!) was after I started feeling strong, consistent movements. Pretty soon, your lo won't LET you forget s/he's in there, s/he'll be using your bladder as a punching bag.

When I found I had gone a few days without thinking much about this pregnancy early on, I would make sure to take a few minutes before falling asleep to get in touch with baby. I'd meditate a little and think about how big baby was supposed to be etc etc. Basically I just made sure to have a few minutes of time alone with the pregnancy/baby to marvel in it.

[Mrs.Music]

This baby was a TOTAL surprise. DH had a vasectomy and we'd talked about maybe trying when M was 4 or 5... but apparently this baby had other plans! So I have a 3 year old, a 20 month old, and another high risk pregnancy. (My other 2 were preemies and I have IC) I freaked out for a while, since we'd just sold all the baby things. Eventually things just sorta fall into place. If you don't have time to enjoy your pregnancy, it's ok. No need to feel guilty. You'll still be able to bond and love your LO when he/she gets here.

[quietmim]

My daughter is almost 18 months now and will be 23 months when the new little bean arrives. I am really enjoying this pregnancy because last time I was almost frantic in my excitement to become a mama. I am treasuring my last months with just one and can't believe how far along I am already.

[MyFullHouse]

It'll be okay.

I got pregnant with my 3rd when my 2nd was only 4 months old, and my eldest was going through autism evaluations.  There really wasn't any time (or even much desire) to focus on the pregnancy.  But we love #3 all the same!!!!

Now I'm pregnant with #5.  Even though my youngest is 3.5, I still see him as my baby, and I'm struggling with the thought of changing that.  I'm also insanely busy with homeschooling the other three, and this pregnancy is my most miserable yet.  Still, I'm sure everything will be perfect once he gets here!

[allisonrose]

I know the feeling. I loved being pregnant the first time. This time (my second) I'm not enjoying it as much. I'm much more tired and cranky. My pregnancy has actually been quite easy. I just think the inconviences are more noticeable: getting up off the floor after playing with my toddler is not as easy as it once was. (I'm just into my third trimester.)
 

You know, the quote below has me thinking about a 3D ultrasound. I did have a 20ish week diagnostic ultrasound but the tech was pretty rushed since they overbooked her schedule. She did print out a couple of pictures for us but the quality was terrible because she used a computer printer rather than printing it directly from the ultrasound machine as I had in my first pregnancy. Hm...

Originally Posted by Lucy&Jude'sMama 

One thing that did help me was goon and getting a 3D elective ultrasound. I know a lot of mommies are against ultrasounds especially elective ones but I felt I needed to do something to get connected to this kid. So I found a place that did elective and they took their time with me and it was really nice. I put his picture in my bathroom and on the fridge so I see him everyday. It's really helped me feel more of a connection and it reminds me that I'm baking a little human. I also talk about it with my daughter quite often. 

[JFTB1177]

I have to second the 3d u/s! I know it controversal on here, but I had one with both of my first 2 kids and it really helped me to bond with them... and the cool thing is, they both looked EXACTLY like their 3d pics! I can't wait to get one done again for this baby, because I too feel like I have yet to really bond. The 2nd, 3rd, etc pregnancies are very different from the first. Right now I am chasing after a 4-year-old and 19-month-old and almost forget I'm PG sometimes (although kinda hard to "forget" at this point- I'm almost 30 weeks). I think it's so normal to not feel as excited about subsequent pregnancies, but once they are born it is JUST as exciting, believe me!

[tracymom1]

Penstamon, I remember you from our July 2009 DDC - congrats on your new little cooking bean!  I am also pregnant again, due in July 2011.  And I know exactly what you mean.  All three of my children will be less than 2 years apart and I remember having rather subdued feelings about my 2nd pregnancy.  I felt like there was absolutely no way I could properly care for a 22 month old and a newborn and not go completely bonkers.  I also felt like I was cheating my son out of having a couple of really good bonding years with me.  What I came to realize, however, after DD was born, is that I gave his something even better than one-on-one time with mama - I gave him a sister.  Someone to travel through life with - to learn and grow with, to love as only siblings can.  And so far he loves her just as much (or more) than I do!!

The adjustment was hard for a few months - DS was still very much 'needy' and obviously newborns need near-constant interaction, but everything falls into place before you even realize it.  Before you know it, a new normal has been established and you can't imagine your life any other way.  Now that I have yet another baby on the way, I am definitely nervous about being outnumbered - but I clearly remember how glorious it is to hold that new baby in your arms and know that life has been created!  And as far as the actual pregnancy goes - for me, its just a means to an end.  TBH, I could really do without the morning sickness, expanding hips and waistline, sciatic pain, heartburn, ect..... pregnancy kinda sucks - but what can you do, right?!  Its beautiful, womanly, blah, blah, blah - yes, I totally agree.  But some days its just kind of like,  BTDT.  

  wishing you peace!

[Kindermama]

Yes! My 4th baby was born when my 3rd was only 16.5 months old. I felt exactly like you did during the pregnancy. I was so miserable during the beginning because of the morning sickness and sleep deprivation from night nursing a very high-needs baby. I was so ambivalent...until I went into pre-term labor at 30 weeks. That somehow sent me into bonding mode! I wouldn't change a thing. I love this age difference over the 3 years between all the others! They are best friends! It's great! I do wish I enjoyed my pregnancy though! 

[KindRedSpirit]

Two close together is sweet.There is a special trio bond with you and them and they grow their own duo bond as well.In my experience and observation, when babies are so close in age, they just grow together,they team up and boost each other with their strengths.My first two are 21 months apart,with a mc in between that would have been 17  mo. apart.I myself am 18 mo older that a brother and he is 18 mo. older than a sister.We are similar to tripplets.We have a very tight bond and unique understanding of each other,in a very intrigal way.(I have two siblings older than me and there were two more after the above mentioned sister.)Another thankful thought...it's just these two.:)You can SO do this and love it, and even if this pregnancy were a few months or year down the road, it would still be a different pregnancy.Enjoy, and how fortunate are we to be able to receive and share this support!(My hat is SO off to my dear,brave Mother!)