Joining a MoMs group

[Liora]

I'm considering joining a Moms of Multiples group but I'm concerned about the influence of non-mainstream moms.

That sounds horrible, lol! I guess I just don't want to be inundated with "you want to BF? are you crazy?" and "cosleeping with twins? HA HA." or "good luck with that natural birth!"

So did/do you find these groups useful or not?

[Red Pajama]

I never joined a multiples group for that very reason. I think in the end I would have been happier at a LLL meeting, but I've only recently started going to those, so I missed the support when the twins were babies.

[KCMichigan]

I belonged to our local one for prenatal until the girls were about 2.

I found a nice mix of people!! We had members from LLL, some cloth diapering, non-vax, some full vax, some mainstream, all religions....really it was a great group and very accepting.

Those ladies were a great resource when I was on bedrest & had NICU babies. Really--the common denominator was twins and everyone kept that in mind when sharing ideas. We made meals for housebound bedresters, new moms, and had some great playdates when the girls were older. They did a new mom- experienced mom mentor set up too, that was invaluable to me the first 6 months!

It was not connected w/ national MoMs groups at all, but ran by the local ladies.

Now I moved to another state and tried the local twins club...did not like it at all. It was too much of the same thing- they were nice, but not the kind of diversity I was looking for.

Each area will have a different set up and different families. Try one---try another if you have more than one.

[Lauren82]

I don't have twins, but one group that you may enjoy is Holistic Moms. There were moms of twins in my local group.

[JenChaffee]

I joined the local MoM group.  I had been similarly concerned, but I find myself enjoying it.  I didn't join until the babies were a couple months old.  I wonder if I had joined when still pregnant if lots of them would have been adamant that I didn't know what I was getting into with HB, CD, or EBF.

At this point, I don't have time to do lots of their activities, but I have been to about one each month for the last four or five months.  I take the approach that I am not trying to convince them that HB, CD, EBF, etc., are the "right" way of doing things.  Similarly, they are respectful enough not to try to convince me that their way is "right", either. 

When it has come up that I did/do HB, CD and EBF, I have not had anyone being critical or pointing out that I am crazy.  They seem fascinated.  They seem in awe.  They seem impressed that a fairly normal-seeming, non-superhero, woman can survive, and do such things successfully.

Sometimes (this is my arrogant side) I think that if I am careful not to come across as critical of their ways (that might make them defensive), they can learn from me that the options on the other side are not so scary.  I think that most people do not question doctors.  Most of us are brought up to respect doctors as the experts who know best.  I think many twin mamas (and singleton mamas, too) march along and never question the doctor's decisions.  I think they just don't realize that natural birth should be the expectation (not just something you might get if you fight for it) and that nursing two babies is doable and that CD really isn't so scary and gross. 

Sorry, that turned into a bit of a ramble!

[hergrace]

A lot depends on the folks who are part of your local group.  We had a real mix of moms in my group.  i used to get really irritated with one mainstream mom who always seemed to have advice for everybody, but there were a couple of other crunchy moms who spoke up and gave alternative advice, so I didn't feel isolated.

I'm a big believer in checking them out.  And, many of them are worth joining to participate in the used stuff sales even if you don't go to the meetings.

[midwestmom]

I tried out our local group when I was pregnant.  It was very mainstream (annoyingly so) so I ended up not keeping up membership after they were born, but I would recommend trying your local one out.  It really just depends on the group.

[kalynnsmom]

I agree with Hergrace. I think it depends on the people in that group. I belong to an awesome Moms of Multiples club. They are there if one of our members needs something . For example, one of our members has twins with Autism. Her girls need therapy that was very expensive. She had a scholarship but she had to match that scholarship. We helped her  meet that. Another of our members had very sick twin boys, and our members brought her dinners.

I really would encourage you to check it out!

[Spring Lily]

I joined my local MoMs club and it has been a great experience. I've met so many nice, friendly, down to earth, non-judgemental moms that it hasn't really mattered if we don't all have the same parenting styles.  And really, even on here there is a range of styles and approaches.  I have met parents who CIO but in other ways we have very similar approaches.  I also know an AP parent or two who I totally disagree with about their parenting and values.  So...I think it's worth checking it out and being open-minded about.  Not to mention that sometimes living the example makes more of an impression than anything else, and the non-AP parents in the group would get the chance to have exposure to this lifestyle. 

Really, in a few more years it won't really matter if you HB, CD, CIO, whatever--they'll be out of diapers and having those relationships with other twin families will be far more important.

Plus, think of this:  if all the APing twinmoms who feel that way decided to try it, maybe there would be a lot more in the group.

[Gena 22]

Definitely join!  MoMs clubs are a mixed bag, but many of them have a lot of resources that can help.  Mine has great sales every six months, a lending library, and EZ2Nurse pillows anyone can borrow.  Most of the moms are very mainstream, and many depress me.  But there are suprising pockets of sanity too.  Definitely worth checking out, for as little or as much participation as is right for you.

Second Holistic Moms too.

[~Adorkable~]

Had my first experience with the MOMs group in my area this last weekend and sadly it was depressing, I know it was a tiny sample of what the whole group is and I will keep at it, but wow. Wish I had gotten to meet more rigth away so that my option of the group wouldn't have been so built by one lady.

And in my case I don't think it is particularly good for my DH who is just learning about this stuff to hear some of the "crap".
Lke needing to supplement, this coming from a woman that did not night nurse from day one, well duh, you needed to.
Or
Her talking about finally "biting the bullet" and using CIO at 4 months and 10 pounds cause they really didn't need to eat anymore they were just used to crying at that point. And how simple and easy it was to get thru that.

The only maybe good thing was some of what they were sharing was so ridiculous that DH mostly wrote them totally off, I couldn't tell when we were there because he is sooooo nice and I'm sure they thought he was going to "thankfully set me straight" but once we were in the car, he basically rolled his eyes with me.

I'm sure she was an extreme case, I look forward to meeting the other folks, I'm not even that crunchy or so I think, to her I seemed insane I'm sure. But I agree it is valuable for folks like us to be a a tie part of those groups in a sharing and non preachy way, so that new folks that are preggo with twins see there are choices to be had!

[DiannaK]

I was less than impressed with my local twins club --- lots of 'night nanny' talk, and sleep training, and very few who BF their babies past 6 months.

I found the most help from my standard circle of friends, which includes two other mothers of twins.

[~Adorkable~]

i wanted to update this because my twins club has been a really amazing experience now that I'm a year+ in to this adventure.

i found a really wide range of families in it and many that are more naturally minded have been quick to made themselves known to us and are happy to have reinforcements. they have amazing twice yearly sales that have saved us so much money that i can't even begin to think what we would do without them, both in buying what we need and a great place to sell back and get a much bigger commission than the local consignment stores offer.

there is tons that i disagree with, but no more than in the world as a whole and i am a big girl and can look past that. but we do sponsor and host a multiples LLL meeting and  really root each other on with that. and now i am helping welcome new folks so they are getting someone like me rather than like the lady i first met, so hopefully the next wave of MoMs will hear all about how they can do this rather than who they need to hire to take it from them.

i would wholeheartedly encourage everyone to find a MoMs club and then get active and find the useful parts and give back to make more parts useful for the next lady. 

[rinap]

Thank you. I've been wondering about whether to join a group here. I appreciate the input.