Needing some opinions

[Rylins mama]

So I have finally found a homebirth but I am still very unsure. They are 3 hours away from me and that worries me because with my son I was only in real labor for about 2 hours. But I havent found anyone any closer. My next concern is something that was just said. She said that we can always do a natural induction of castor oil or herbs so she will already be here.I did castor oil with my son 17 days overdue because I just couldnt let them do a real induction on me and I swore i would never do it again. That worries me because if Im paying for something that I REALLY cannot afford, I dont want any pressure from anyone. I know Im already going to have to talk my DH into it because he really doesnt like the idea of coming up with money we dont have to pay for something that is completely covered through our insurance if we go to the hospital. I just need input to point me in the right direction.

[kawa kamuri]

Have you talked with your care provider about these issues? That might go a long way toward easing your mind! 

[rebecca_n]

sorry I don't have any advice, we're in the same situation right now. Right now I'm trying to weigh the free hospital birth full of everything i don't want and fear, or the homebirth with far away midwives that will cost more that is going to cost more than my first car.... hope you have the birth you want

[camprunner]

With my last child, we hired a midwife who we as about 35-40 minutes away. When I went into labor she was at a birth 2 1/2 hours away with no immediate backup plan for me. She ended up sending her assistant (who had just started her own practice) but she still had that drive.   They told dh, they would give him instructions over the phone if they didn't make it and my major concern is that they can be there to stitch me up. The other one is someone to act in case of an emergency because I don't think dh could (obviously if they hadn't made it, they wouldn't have served that purpose).

[Mat-Su Doula]

Hi ladies,

Just happened to stumble upon this post and thought I'd share my thoughts- no new insight to give, but just to hopefully reinforce what you already know and feel.

I'm a Childbirth Educator, Birth Doula and OOH Midwife, married to an OB. We are a busy birth family who are passionate for birth. I very often have clients facing the same dilemma. I would say in my experience that most families ultimately choose the hospital...and all it came down to was the cost difference. There are so many insurances who will not pay or will only pay a fraction of the cost for birth center or homebirth midwifery care, while they pay 100% for hospital. I feel so bad for these moms who choose the hospital and OB care, when they really desire almost the complete opposite experience.

I know there are other things (like distance) that are playing into your decision. But I just wanted to say, if there is any way to make it work and a homebirth is in your heart, then go with your heart! If you are worried about the distance and the midwife getting there in time, the first thing I would ask about is if she can give you the birth kit beforehand so it can be set-up prior to you even going into labor. That was there is no frantic hussle and struggle in getting supplies and equipment in the house and set-up. Next, I would just simply plan on calling her at the very first twinge of labor.

Take care and best wishes!

Tara

[Marissamom]

I would go with the midwife, but prepare as though having a UC, just in case. I really think that most women should make sure they and their partners are prepared for the possibility that the midwife won't be there in time, because sometimes it does happen, even without the greater distance you would have. there's also the option of having an OB do your pre-natal and doing a UC. 

[Rylins mama]

Well we decided were not going to go with a midwife. Its just too much money for our family right now. Im going to start prenatals with the midwife at the obs office and possiblly keep looking for someone closer or just decide when I go into labor if Im going to go to the hospital or not.

[Carlyle]

Would your insurance cover a doula?  That might help you have a less intervention-ed birth even though you will be at the hospital.  Good luck!

[Rylins mama]

Im not worried about interventions being pushed because my husband and I are on the same page and we were with the other births too. My main issue is I do NOT want another episiotomy and that was expressed in both my births and done without even asking, before I knew what was happening. I also just do not want to be in the hospital at all so a doula wouldnt be much help there.

[lexapurple]

Given you history of short labor, how far midwife leaves and the fact that you will be out of big chunk of money you don't have even if she doesn't make it, If I was in your shoes would not do it.

I would see OB for prenantal care and plan a UC if you absolutely do not want to give birth in the hospital setting. With MW being so far away you are risking to have a UC anyway.

If you are concearned about going to the hospital only because of episiotomy, I would hire a doula and instruct DH to be your guard dogs.

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by lexapurple 

Given you history of short labor, how far midwife leaves and the fact that you will be out of big chunk of money you don't have even if she doesn't make it, If I was in your shoes would not do it.

I totally agree.

For the most part, if you labor quickly, the hospital is a bit less risky for you anyway - since they aren't going to have time to 'push' (rush) your birth along anyway!

Of course, going 17 days past due-date is a concern, because most hospitals don't want to "let" you go more than 14 days overdue. Of course you can refuse induction, but it's a hassle. I say lie about your last menstrual period date to get yourself a little more leeway at the end.

As for episiotomy, if you don't feel you need a doula for other purposes, I'd see if you could have a good NCB-friendly friend attend too and, I agree, have the friend & DH be "guard dogs." If I really felt I was at risk for epis, I might be tempted to say, "You cut my genitals for no good reason, I'm going to do the same thing to you. Epis without good cause (& fetal distress is basically the ONLY legit cause) is VIOLENCE - you get violent with me, my DH & I will be getting violent back - which is only a natural human reaction. We clear?"

Yeah, such hostility isn't a good thing, but I'd be feeling that way & would be tempted to say it too if I really thought it was a risk.

Maybe another thing to do could be "hospital UC" - i.e. don't tell anyone you're feeling the urge to push (refuse VEs) & just start pushing without an OB in the room. You'd have the benefit of medical care on hand if you DO need it (like in the super rare-event that baby needs resusitation) but no risk of needless epis!

Best of luck!

[NewSolarMomma]

I don't know much about where you live, but I went to an amazing hospital, so it IS possible to find one that will allow you the experience you are looking for. In San Diego, there are several hospitals, one for women only (AMAZING care, I went there), and one at a University that had a whole floor for midwives and NCB ONLY!!! I never would have known this from normal looking around, though the UCSD web site is pretty comprehensive. I don't know what insurance you have or how many choices you are given, but if you can find a hospital that's NCB friendly, but its a little far away it may be worth the drive, or staying at a hotel when you are getting close. yes, a hotel costs money, but it will be much less than a midwife and will allow you more places to choose from.

I also suggest getting to know ALL the OBs/MW that might be called on to deliver you, even if it means picking a smaller practice for this reason. picking a friendly and understanding OB is all well and good, but if thats not who is on call when you go into labor you could be stuck with a stranger. But they don't have to be strangers- you can meet them upfront.

I don't suggest lying at all. The docs cannot take care of you properly if they are given the wrong information. If you find the right team and a good hospital, and you have your partner with you, you should not have any unwanted epis, which I agree are awful. I would go the hospital route in your case.

If you choose the HB, I would not bother with the MW either. She may not even get there in time to help you. Get your prenatal done with a hospital OB, and UC somewhere close to a hospital. I would never choose UC if the ONLY reason you are doing it is for cost sakes.If you feel UC is best for you and accept the risks, then it is a solid choice. But if you would feel better with a MW and just cannot afford one, its better to go to the hospital. UC or HB with a Mw who can't make it, is not for everyone!!!

good luck, and fight for what you want!

[camprunner]

Originally Posted by NewSolarMomma 

I don't know much about where you live, but I went to an amazing hospital, so it IS possible to find one that will allow you the experience you are looking for. In San Diego, there are several hospitals, one for women only (AMAZING care, I went there), and one at a University that had a whole floor for midwives and NCB ONLY!!! I never would have known this from normal looking around, though the UCSD web site is pretty comprehensive. I don't know what insurance you have or how many choices you are given, but if you can find a hospital that's NCB friendly, but its a little far away it may be worth the drive, or staying at a hotel when you are getting close. yes, a hotel costs money, but it will be much less than a midwife and will allow you more places to choose from.

I also suggest getting to know ALL the OBs/MW that might be called on to deliver you, even if it means picking a smaller practice for this reason. picking a friendly and understanding OB is all well and good, but if thats not who is on call when you go into labor you could be stuck with a stranger. But they don't have to be strangers- you can meet them upfront.

I don't suggest lying at all. The docs cannot take care of you properly if they are given the wrong information. If you find the right team and a good hospital, and you have your partner with you, you should not have any unwanted epis, which I agree are awful. I would go the hospital route in your case.

If you choose the HB, I would not bother with the MW either. She may not even get there in time to help you. Get your prenatal done with a hospital OB, and UC somewhere close to a hospital. I would never choose UC if the ONLY reason you are doing it is for cost sakes.If you feel UC is best for you and accept the risks, then it is a solid choice. But if you would feel better with a MW and just cannot afford one, its better to go to the hospital. UC or HB with a Mw who can't make it, is not for everyone!!!

good luck, and fight for what you want!

 This is a good point. I had an amazing hospital birth with my oldest.  I was able to walk around the room (probably out side the room too if my water wasn't leaking everywhere and I'd been willing to put clothes on   Their only request was that I walk instead of running around the room.  I delivered her squatting on the floor.  I wasn't thrilled about what they did afterwards insisting that she sit in a warmer for  and hour an a half but thte birth itself was good.  And after they took her out of the warmer and gave her to us, everything  was good for the rest of our stay...for the most part (and for those things, I'm probably just a bit offended too easily).