4yo ASD DD LIKES having tantrums. Help!

[beachcomber]

I can't get her to stop. She starts up over a minor disagreement then she just won't stop the wailing and crying and carrying on. I ask her to stop and she says she doesn't want to. She seems to be enjoying the tantrums. It's driving me nuts. I set reasonable boundaries and all I get are these endless crying jags of crocodile tears. I'm at a loss.

[Village Mama]

Aww mama! I get you. I think that this is an issue of " letting off steam". Not like it is crocodile tears really, but just something to let the pressure off. Doesn't make it easier to deal with. I was similar as a kid. With the constant sensory overstimulation and constant effort just to cope through the regular stuff in the day , big cries seemed to release it a bit. Does that seem to fit her in the situation? Emotions for me were just such a sensory overload in themselves... to big to know what to do with them! I don't have any suggestions for you... just to let you know that you are not alone!

[Lollybrat]

I think some kids with ASD really do enjoy their tantrums. Maybe it's a sensory thing. Maybe it's the powerful physical release of emotions. Maybe they don't know a more effective way to express their feelings.

My son is 6 with ASD and we went through this as well. He still seems to enjoy or need a tantrum once in a while, but we work on other ways of expressing and processing his feelings. For my son, I set "Tantrum Rules" to ensure everyone's safety and sanilty.  These rules included things like:

- You may not tantrum in the kitchen, dining room, hallway, or Mom & Dad's bedroom (areas with uncarpeted floors). You may not tantrum in the living room if it is disturbing someone else. You may tantrum in your bedroom or the downstairs playroom/family room.  

- You may not kick people, the walls, doors, closets or furniture. You may kick pillows and floor cushions.

- You may throw foam blocks and bean bags. Do not throw them at people or objects on the high shelf.

- You may scream, but if it disturbs someone else, they might close the door. When you are quiet, you may open the door.

- When you are done with your tantrum, you are welcome to rejoin the family. If you would like quiet time for yourself, that's OK too.

 We would gently explain and enforce then rules, and DS gradually came to understand and accept them. Now if he wants all worked up, he will go in his room, have his tantrum, and then he will usually settle himself down and play quitely for a while.

[beachcomber]

VM, I do wonder if it's a release she needs due to anxiety or sensory over-stimulation and doesn't have another way to handle yet.

Lolly, I really see what you're saying about allowing the behavior to continue in a safe manner. Part of what she seems to like at the moment is the disruptive quality of the tantrums. She has followed me from room to room carrying on or come back from tantruming in the playroom to tell me she needs to do more crying, etc. I think I'll start with your suggestion of rules for a safe tantrum and go from there.

I'm seeing her behaviorist on Friday and am certainly going to bring this disturbing development up with her.

Thanks for all your advice and suggestions, Ladies. Truly appreciated!