Step Grandparents

[rhianna813]

I am from a blended family and my parents have been divorced since I was 11(I am now 42). My dad has been remarried to my stepmom since 2 years after his divorce. My mom is single. Everyone mostly gets along but they do not see each other much, except weddings, grandchildren birthday parties – group events. Over the years my mom has a had a lot of jealousy with my step mom regarding anything to do with the grandkids.

In DS’s eyes he has 2 Grandma’s and 1 Grandpa and of course a Grandma and Grandpa from DH too.

DS is having Grandparents day at school - with a 1 hour activity in his classroom. My in-laws live out of town, so we decided to invite my folks. We can invite 1 or 2 Grandparents.

My first reaction is that my Mom and Dad would attend. But I really can’t see them in the same room together trying to have a good time, pay attention to Brendan and not being stressed out. Especially my Mom. I will have to get a play by play earful of everything my dad said or didn’t say or whatnot. DS is still confused our Grandma Gail knows Grandpa George too LOL

The other idea is just invite my Dad alone. He works out of town so much and misses a lot of DS’s activites. This would be a real treat for both of them. My Mom sees DS all the time. Or I can invite both Dad and stepmom and just deal if my mom has a reaction. She would only know if DS said something, but that most likely would not happen.

Thanks for any feedback or ettiquette. This will help with future situations :-)

Rhianna

[Mummoth]

I'd ask at the office if Grandparents day is something that many of the teachers do a unit on... if it's something that's going to happen every year as he progresses through school, I'd invite dad/stepmom and tell mom (if it comes up) that she gets next year all to herself. there may be another in-classroom project later in the year that your mom could take part in, as well. or invite her to some of the events where parents are welcome (we just had a Halloween Parade that a lot of grandparents came to, today was the Remembrance Day assembly, etc) 

[aricha]

It sounds like you feel pretty good about inviting your dad by himself. If that feels good to you, I think it's a great decision and your reasons are certainly something other people should understand.

If you'd like all three of them to go, I'd talk to the teacher about the situation. I, personally, like to take any opportunity to raise awareness about the wide variety of family situations kids are experiencing. Some kids might not have any grandparents to invite, others might be in your situation, some kids might have someone who acts as a grandparent but isn't actually biologically a grandparent, or there could be children who are being raised by their grandparents... families are not "one size fits all" these days. I think if those things haven't been mentioned, it is a great opportunity to raise the teacher or school's awareness.

[rhianna813]

The school seems very knowlegable on non conventional families. They are calling this Grandparents and Grandfriends day. They want each student to have someone come to visit, whether a bio grandparent or not. The kids will be interviewing the elders and filling out a Memory Book I think. The classrooms will have "special guests" too for kids who do not have someone to invite. I think many kids may have Grandparents who live out of state.

I would definitely not invite mom, dad and step mom all together - total emotional diaster. My dad and stepmom are sorta hooked at the hip and if one gets invited to anything the other assumes they are invited too. We have 2 invites, but I will initially just invite my dad.

I am not sure how much physical space they actually have in the classroom (sitting, writting, eating snacks) for kids and so many visitors LOL

Thanks for the great feedback!

Rhianna

 

Originally Posted by aricha 

It sounds like you feel pretty good about inviting your dad by himself. If that feels good to you, I think it's a great decision and your reasons are certainly something other people should understand.

If you'd like all three of them to go, I'd talk to the teacher about the situation. I, personally, like to take any opportunity to raise awareness about the wide variety of family situations kids are experiencing. Some kids might not have any grandparents to invite, others might be in your situation, some kids might have someone who acts as a grandparent but isn't actually biologically a grandparent, or there could be children who are being raised by their grandparents... families are not "one size fits all" these days. I think if those things haven't been mentioned, it is a great opportunity to raise the teacher or school's awareness.