4 nights away from a 2 year old (26 months)?

[Everrgreen]

So, I know I've seen threads here that are for younger babies and longer trips away.  But, this is a very big deal for me and I'm worrying about it.

My best friend in the world is getting married in April and is planning a destination wedding.  I have to go (well, she would understand, but I really want to be there).  Bringing my son would significantly raise the price of the trip, which will already be a stretch for me, and it would be so stressful having him there and sort of ruin the trip (that sounds awful, I know!)  So, I have come to the decision that it may be time for his first overnight(s).  There is a 4 night package I can buy and that's my plan. 

But is this realistic?  I am a solo parent, so he has never had anyone but me involved in his nighttime parenting.  He still nurses to sleep.  He is very very attached to me.  He would be staying with my mom, who he completely loves.  She has spent the night with us many times so he's used to her being around at bedtime, just not putting him to sleep.

Should I go?  Will he be ok?  Will this totally traumatize him?  What should I do to prepare him for it?  I was thinking maybe he should have a 1-night overnight with my mom before the trip.  Should I get him used to going to sleep without nursing?  Or just let my mom figure out her own way?  Will he wean if he doesn't nurse for 4 days?  I imagine I'll have to pump a bit to make sure I don't lose my milk.

Anything else I should consider??

[pbjmama]

Personally, I would plan to go.

April is a long time away for a 2 year old. You have alot of time to prepare. I think a few overnights would be good before, maybe you can even stay with him the first time. I've found that my kids always surprise me, they are so flexible when I'm away, so I wouldn't worry about the nursing to sleep. He could wean in 4 days but I doubt it. It really depends on how much he is nursing at that time and how attached he is to nursing.

[shanniesue2]

When we left DS for the first time (he was not quite 2.5)... it was going to be for 4 days with my parents.  Leading up to that time, we spent the night at my parents house with him one time.  And then a few weeks later, we started letting him spend one night every few weeks or so.  This really helped him to learn that it's okay to spend the night with gma and gpa.  And it's nice now, because every so often, they will take him for a night and we get a chance for a full night's rest (he has only sttn once or twice since he was born... )  One thing that we have learned that make overnight stays easier is if we leave before the bedtime routine starts.  If we leave after he's asleep, he expects us to still be there when he wakes up and then he gets fretfull that we aren't.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I'm not in the same situation you are, but I'll throw in my .02 anyway. 

My ds is away from me for 3 nights every other weekend, and one night on the off weeks.  He does GREAT.  He's been away from me for a week twice (he's always with his dad, so he's used to his dad putting him to sleep) and he hasn't weaned yet - but he's 22 mo so just a little younger.

I would try a one night overnight (knowing this one will be the hardest most likely), and then do a few more so that he gets used to it.  I would say, that more than likely, he'll be totally fine, won't wean, and will do great!  If he's very verbal you can also call him while you're gone to talk on the phone to him (my ds LOVES talking to his dad on the phone!  and grandma, and grandpa, and my friends....). 

I know its a big deal to you, and I know a best friends wedding is also a big deal, everything will be FINE.  Be prepared for him to be a little clingy when you get back (or he might not be, prepare yourself for that too).  The hardest part for us is always that ds's dad gives in on WAY more things than I do, so there are more tantrums when he comes back - but its not that big of a deal.

[LessTraveledBy]

Well... It is MDC... You will get all kinds of answers and only you can decide what is right for you.

No way would I have done that. I simply believe that little ones have rights and having mama is one of them, unless there is a very serious situation. 4 nights is a long time for a little one.

[freestylemama]

I went abroad for a conference when my kiddo was about that age.  She stayed home with her dad and did great.  We skyped every day and I talked to her for a long time before about going.  Even though she was still at home and daddy was there, this was a huge issue because she still had me put her to bed most days.  She was weaned at that point though, which helped a lot.  They did well without me and I had a great time at my conference.  I would do it if I was you. 

[karmamamaa]

I'm a flight attendant and I went back to work when DD was 1. Shes now 26 months and because of my frequency of travel she understands when I grab my bag and I"m in my uniform Mummy is going to work. Except for probably 8-9 days of the month, I am a SAHM.

Now, obviously my DD is used to this by now but she is around the same age and honestly loves it when I go I think ;o)

Daddy does lots of bike rides and going to the beach....if hes at work, Grandma and Grandpa take her all over town and I KNOW she gets extra treats....

Every child is different but I think its not selfish for you to go at all....I think you really should be there and it will be good for the both of you.

I also do believe however you should do the one day "practice run" before the long trip.

The good news is that whatever you decide will be the right decision ;o)

[azgirl]

I think it's really special that your LO is so close to his grandmother. He is accustomed to her at night, and overnights with grandma will become something all of you treasure!

Having another trusted adult your son can go with is a really great thing! Have a few practice nights and have a great time on your trip!

[lifeguard]

I'd do it. Yes, a night or two before than with grandma might make it easier but as she is already someone he is very comfortable with it really might not be necessary.

I left ds for 2 weeks this summer (he was 20 mos) - the first night was good, the 2nd & 3rd night were a bit rough & then it was smooth sailing after that. Because I was at a girl guide camp I didn't have any contact with him the whole time. He was a bit standoffish when I got home but picked back up with nursing & everything the next morning.

I think it is a good thing. Having a break is so important for our own self-care plus he gets to build a stronger relationship with grandma.

[peainthepod]

Personally, there's no way I could do four nights away from 2yo DS. Maybe two, and that would be stretching it. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it; you know your LO better than anyone and only you can say whether it would be a good idea or not.

For me, it would just be too long, too soon.

[purplepaperclip]

I agree with the poster who said April is pretty far away. Just think of all the development your kiddo has gone through in the last 6 months then imagine where he'll be six months from now. It sounds like a fun trip and you seem to have a great support system in your mom. I would go and enjoy it. I bet 4 days with grandma will be fun!

[mamahen2coop]

I'm in your boat mama.  My sister is having a destination wedding in April- Mexico.  I didn't want to take DS there because of safety reasons and DH and I could use some alone time.  We're going to be gone for 10 days and he'll be staying with my friend and grandma.  DH wanted to go for 2 weeks so we compromised at 10 days, which I'm sure will be the longest 10 days of my life.  I'm already starting to get nervous about it.  Part of me feels like a bad mama for leaving him but the other part says it's good to have time away.  DS will be 20 months when we go.  I'm still breastfeeding so I'm a little nervous about that.  Do I wean him before I go or just cold turkey him while I'm gone and resume when I get back?  I work 2 days a week and while I'm gone he doesn't take milk anymore- well, maybe 4oz once.  We weaned him from the bottle months ago so milk from the sippy cup isn't quite as comforting, I think. 

[sunnymw]

I'd go. DH and I went when DS2 was a little over 2yo for 3 nights and it was great. Didn't even miss us. Picked up nursing and all as soon as we got back. Wouldn't you know it, he was an angel for them and STTN. 

He had been staying there every other weekend for 1 night for a few months though, and always did well (after the first night when he was a little anxious. But there's never a shortage of stuff to do there--MIL always has ALL the grandkids, so between 4-6 kids under 5 LOL.

[physmom]

We're thinking about the same thing.  There's a conference that I need to go to in May that is abroad (about a 14 hour plane ride).  DH will be going too but there won't be any child care available locally. While we could switch off between talks we've tried that before and it hasn't been pretty.  We'd love to take her but I think she needs to be a bit order before she can realistically with us between talks and entertain herself.  

So we're thinking of letting her stay with the grandparents.  Pretty scared of how it will go but I guess we'll try practicing first to see!  I just wish there was local childcare and this whole thing wouldn't be an issue...

[starling&diesel]

Hi Gillian!

I've been invited to present at a conference in Quebec in April, which means a three or four night stay.  DD will be the same age as your wee'un.  I'd like to think that I could do it by myself, but I know that I'd be very unhappy and would worry, about DD's emotional health and safety, and about being so physically far away from her.  I did another author visit the other day that was a ferry ride away from her (she was home with DP) and I was freaked out to be separated by that body of water. 

Do you have to buy a ticket right away?  Can you wait and see you you feel closer to the time?

Lord knows that you need a HOLIDAY, girl!  If you can enjoy yourself without DS, then go for it! 

On the other hand, have a back-up plan!  Purchase cancellation insurance for sure!  DS might get sick, or you might change your mind. 

For us, our plan is to build up our points on our credit card (before now we NEVER used it) between now and then and hopefully pay for DD's ticket that way. 

If you did decide to take DS along, can your parents chip in and help you and your little guy have a holiday together?  Could you ask for cash towards his ticket for Christmas and his upcoming birthday? 

[Skippy918]

We just got back from a 5 day vacation and DS stayed with grandma and grandpa.  He did fine except he had some trouble sleeping the first night.  He adores his grandparents and we needed a little break from the hustle and bustle of it all.  Now we're feeling de-stressed and relaxed and it was well worth it.

[Dandelionkid]

Plan to pump!!!! I was away from my 20 month old lately for two nights and if I hadn't had her nursing sibling with me to relieve the pressure after a night with no nursing I would have had mastitis for sure!!

[tourist.]

Thanks for asking this question!  I'm in a similar situation myself and have been stressing myself out about leaving my DS for 5 nights.  I did leave him for 4 nights when he was very young, 11 months, to attend a workshop and he did fine although it was rough for my DH at night getting up and making bottles and the like.    When I got home, DS smiled at me and continued playing until he realized that not only was Mommy home, but his boobies were home too.  

This time though - I'll be leaving him with my MIL and will be traveling *much* farther away.  Good things:  MIL will be staying at my house with him the entire time.  MIL already babysits him during the day 2 days a week and they have a great relationship.  So...I think he'll be happy.  I just get worried about night time.  That's going to be hard on him I expect. 

[Everrgreen]

OP here - Thank you all for your opinions!

So I am pretty sure that I will end up going.  I'm still worried about it.  But I really really need to do this, for myself.  And I believe my son will be ok.  He might have some trouble getting to sleep.  But he really does love his Grandma and I know he will feel safe and loved with her.  And I will bring a pump with me to make sure I don't lose my supply.  We are going to do a couple of trial overnights and sort of build up to it.

And just to vent - I did a quote for the price of the trip with just me, then added him at age 2 and his price was the exact same as mine!  It's an all inclusive resort, do they really think a 2 year old is going to eat the same as an adult?  And obviously a 2 year old won't be into the alcohol!  Very annoying that they charge the same for both.  I can understand the flight, because he's taking up a seat, but the hotel?? 

It's all moot though because I really want to go by myself and be able to have a couple of drinks and stay out past 8pm lol!