New here and kindergarten problems (so glad to find a support forum)

[hyphenatedlady]

I have almost 6-year-old boy/girl twins.  My son Christian new his alphabet and could identify all of the upper case letters at 18 months by 24 months he was identifying both upper and lower case letters and knew their phonetic sounds.   At 30 months he began reading.  We, of course, reinforced these amazing abilities but he was completely self-motivated and self-taught.  As an older infant and toddler he had some pretty obvious sensory integration problems.   He was terrified of objects that were suspended in the air, wind-chimes, balloons, vertical blinds and if any of those things moved and he could see them he would have a total meltdown in panic.  Before he began preschool we had him evaluated by a Pediatrician specializing in Neurodevelopment and Developmental Behavioral Health.  After a two hour screening with our son the Dr. was taken aback by his abilities and concerned by some of the quirky behaviors.  He worried that in the future we could face an Asperger's diagnosis but he decided to evaluate Christian's progress once he began school.  Amazingly enough most of the worrisome behaviors disappeared within months.   He still experiences some anxiety when doing new things.  We are flying out on vacation next week and he is starting to worry a bit about it.  The Dr. explained it that he understands things beyond his years and over-processes new situations.  Christian was evaluated/tested as having a 150+ I.Q.  

He and his sister started kindergarten in August.  I chose to separate them because she felt like she was stupid next to him when she was still performing ahead of a lot of kids their age.   Christian was placed in a classroom with a 3rd year teacher who has lots of enthusiasm and good ideas but although we have had 3 conferences this year already she is doing nothing to stimulate his learning.  I don't expect her to design a second set of work for him, just supplement the work the others do with some more challenges.  At this point his ability to read isn't limited and his interest level in reading runs about the 3rd or 4th grade level.   He does double and triple digits addition and subtraction in his head.  I decided to get him a 1st grade gifted and talented workbook to supplement his learning at home.  He is tearing through it with very little input from us.  I figured this was just the way it would have to work.  (our district gifted program begins in 3rd grade)

Then, this morning both children informed me that a child from Christian's class was bumped up to 1st grade after 1/4 conferences.  I find this very frustrating.  The child in question is more emotionally mature than Christian and possibly socially more advanced but not significantly so.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't think he is ready to be moved ahead, especially when you consider the twin factor, but I find it terribly frustrating that this child is being recognized for her achievements and his abilities continue to be, if not ignored, overlooked.  I need my child to be stimulated.  He likes school right now but he already tells me how he hasn't learned anything this year, which is (academically) completely true.  I don't want him to become bored and end up with behavior issues.  I don't want them to wait until he has "leveled out" with his peers.  The reading teacher actually informed me that he was too young to be reading at his level and that eventually his interest and reading abilities would level out.  I tried to tell her that they already had.  His retention is amazing and he is interested in so many things.

He recently corrected my mom for pronouncing Pluto's moon Cheron "Sharone" and he instantly said "Kairen" when he was told that one time about a year ago. 

I am finding this incredibly frustrating. 

Any help, input, suggestions would be appreciated.

Tina

[whatsnextmom]

I can understand your frustration but it could be you are comparing apples to oranges. This other family may have specifically asked for an acceleration while it sounds like you may not have been focusing in that direction. I would see this as a positive that this school is open to trying different tactics. Use this good news to your advantage but do yourself a favor and leave the other child's situation out of it. If you start comparing children, even slightly, you will alienate the principal and teacher. However, knowing they ARE open to acceleration, why not start asking for some subject acceleration in his high subjects? It's a start and wouldn't it be nice to have a child he already knows in the 1st grade class he visits for math or language arts?

I know that after my DD skipped (she was the first in the district in decades) there were many very upset parents and the requests for acceleration lept. There may have very well been other viable candidates that year but DD was a truely perfect candidate and most importantly, one the school was willing to take that risk on. Once it proved to be a success and they had a teacher who now had some experience with acceleration, they were able to offer it to at least two other kids before DD went to middle school.

It is totally frustrating to see one child's needs get met when your child has not been accomodated. Absolutely you have every right to be upset! I would just caution against letting that frustration through in your conversations with the teacher. I would instead go to her and say "I know you are working on this but DS is still unhappy and I'm not sure what step we should make next. I think we need more heads to brainstorm with. Let's bring in the principal and perhaps we can try out some subject acceleration." This way, you are telling her that you are serious about having your sons needs met but you are including her in the process as you gently go over her head.

And to add... you really don't need to worry about your child leveling off. This is something that happens when developmentally average kids are advanced because they've had more than average exposure to academics in the preschool years. This is NOT what happens to gifted children. It's true, by 3rd grade, they look "less different." I mean, a kindie reading novels is on another planet than another learning their letters sounds. However, by 3rd, most are pretty solid readers and because of their age, they may even pick the same reading material... have the ability to read Dickens but still think Diary of a Wimpy Kid is hilarious. A child gifted in math won't stop being gifted because they are doing below level work. They may not be all that interested in math presented to them in elementary but then take off in middle school. Truely, they can LOOK less different on the surface in the older grades but they are still very different learners. With all the other things to worry about, THIS isn't one you need to stress about.  With al With all WW

Edited by whatsnextmom - 11/10/10 at 12:04pm

[jen in co]

Originally Posted by whatsnextmom 

I can understand your frustration but it could be you are comparing apples to oranges. This other family may have specifically asked for an acceleration while it sounds like you may not have been focusing in that direction. I would see this as a positive that this school is open to trying different tactics. Use this good news to your advantage but do yourself a favor and leave the other child's situation out of it. If you start comparing children, even slightly, you will alienate the principal and teacher. However, knowing they ARE open to acceleration, why not start asking for some subject acceleration in his high subjects? It's a start and wouldn't it be nice to have a child he already knows in the 1st grade class he visits for math or language arts? to stress about.  With al With all WW

Just wanted to echo this point.   I have a DS who hasn't had any formal IQ testing...I imagine he'll test into the gifted track eventually, but we decided to hold off on testing for a year or two for a variety of reasons.   Having said that, he's a precocious reader (just turned 5 this summer and reading level was tested at beginning to middle of 3rd grade) and we have been very clear that we want him challenged in this area.   I have a good relationship with his teacher (older DD had her 3 years ago and I volunteer every week and even volunteered for a while last Spring when I didn't have a child in her class) and we talked about it several times.   It took a number of conversations for her to realize this was more than a Kinder reading C-V-C words.   She eventually took him to a 2nd grade teacher to be tested and now he has subject acceleration to a 2nd grade reading group with kids reading around his level (there wasn't an appropriate group in 1st grade hence the double grade switch).  The 2nd grade teacher is the GT coordinator for the school and has experience working with younger students who are being subject accelerated.   We have the added complication that my DS's handwriting/spelling skills are probably only slightly above average for a Kinder.   This is a problem given a lot of the reading assessments have substantial written response components, so we're working on what types of accomodations can be made so his reading and lit analysis skills continue to develop while we work on his writing/spelling skills. 

I tell you our story not because I think our DS's are similar (I'm not sure my son had a super high IQ...he might, but we don't know yet), but because I think you have to be very specific about what you want and sometimes offer up ideas.  I let the teacher bring up subject acceleration, but I did emphasize that we wanted him to get to read books at his level while back-filling any missing phonics or analysis skills.  I also emphasized that we didn't want him spending tons of time during center time at centers where there was nothing for him to learn.   I offered some alternatives (some of which were also good options for the other kids who were reading) and she implemented those.   So, if you have something specific you want or if you have ideas, I think it's helpful to straight out ask

[hyphenatedlady]

I promise I am not comparing the children so much as the fact that one child was given what she needs to succeed but my child was not.   I now have a meeting with both the principal and classroom teacher set for Friday.  I just want some accommodations made to allow him to learn.  I would love it if they would move him up for just reading and possibly math.  I have had three meetings with the teacher so far this year without seeing results.

[whatsnextmom]

Oh, I know you aren't. Well, not more than normal within your own home (and who amoungst us is not guilty of that lol.) I just was warning you about slipping even a little in your meeting. Go in knowing what you know about the other child's situation but make sure it doesn't come up. You don't want them on the defensive and bringing in their choices for another child will do that. Plus, you don't even know if they are HAPPY with that situation. It wasn't an accusation on you.. I have just been at this a long time (I have a 5th and 9th grader) and know what rattles the cages and what works. Good Luck!

[hyphenatedlady]

Originally Posted by whatsnextmom 

Oh, I know you aren't. Well, not more than normal within your own home (and who amoungst us is not guilty of that lol.) I just was warning you about slipping even a little in your meeting. Go in knowing what you know about the other child's situation but make sure it doesn't come up. You don't want them on the defensive and bringing in their choices for another child will do that. Plus, you don't even know if they are HAPPY with that situation. It wasn't an accusation on you.. I have just been at this a long time (I have a 5th and 9th grader) and know what rattles the cages and what works. Good Luck!

I really do appreciate the input.  I posted about this situation on a twin's parenting board that I have been involved with for over five years and it is amazing the negativity I received from people I have long considered friends.   It is nice to know that there are people here who understand what it is to have a gifted kid.  My daughter is very bright and I think she may fall onto the gifted scale as well but her interests aren't the purely academic like his are and as easy to measure. 

[whatsnextmom]

Originally Posted by hyphenatedlady 

I really do appreciate the input.  I posted about this situation on a twin's parenting board that I have been involved with for over five years and it is amazing the negativity I received from people I have long considered friends.   It is nice to know that there are people here who understand what it is to have a gifted kid.  My daughter is very bright and I think she may fall onto the gifted scale as well but her interests aren't the purely academic like his are and as easy to measure. 

There has been only one study I know of but it did put siblings within 10 points typically. Certainly, that's not the case in all (bigger gap between me and my brother) but if your DS is 150+, there is a darn good chance she's at least on the scale. Personality, birth order (even in twins sometimes) all sorts of stuff effects how giftedness is displayed. We see this with my two. They just couldn't be more different in personality, interests or achievement but they test in the same percentile.

[bec]

I don't have the twin dynamic, but I did have a PG, very academically advanced kindergartener last year.  She was incredibly frustrated in school because there really was nothing for her to learn.  She is also very socially ept and emotionally mature (sometimes more mature than me!), so we pushed for acceleration.  I can understand why you wouldn't find that appropriate for your DS, given the family balance.  My DD is a middle child, and her bookend sisters, while very bright (possibly gifted, we haven't had either one tested), are not as academically driven as she is (more like your DD).  It took a LOT of meetings, conferences, and advocating to see even minor changes in her Kindy experience.  I believe that our school was particularly resistant to parent input for some reason.  DD was never a behavior problem, and she wasn't a complainer.  She participated when appropriate, and did so with relatively good cheer.  The school interpreted this as her being happy and engaged, when really she was just compliant. 

Unfortunately, we had to get very firm with the school and the district (the superintendent was eventually involved).  What the school learned, was that we were not going to back down, that we were going to insist on an "appropriate" education, and if they were not willing to accelerate her, they needed to make some pretty huge changes in their classes to fit her.  We were, essentially, telling them that they needed to come up with a totally separate curriculum for her.  Or, they could take the easy way out and put her in a class that more appropriately fit her academic needs.  They eventually agreed, and she skipped first and is in 2nd grade this year.  It's a different school (last year she was in a K-1 school), and it is like night and day.  She's in a multiage class of 2nd and 3rd graders, and is getting 3rd grade work, and allowed to go at her own pace.  This year, she is TRULY engaged, learning, and is SO happy.  It has done my heart good to see that this was really the right move for her.

Subject acceleration may be a good solution for your son.  It may look like something totally different, though.  Even though our gifted program doesn't start officially until 3rd grade in our district as well, the GT coordinator has been meeting with my DD once a week since Kindergarten (and we started making our huge stink).  Maybe this is something that is possible for your son?  Some states have IEPs for gifted education.  You could request an IEP meeting if you don't get a good response.  We started very politely, and worked very hard for about half the year trying to emphasize that we wanted to be on the same team, to collaborate on ways to help her at school and at home.  This softer approach, while ultimately ineffective, is the one that I prefer to take.  I don't like being confrontational, particularly with my childrens' teachers!  In the past, I have had very good results with this.  I really respect most teachers and the jobs they do!

Good luck!