If one more person touches my son...I am going to lose it.....

[babygrant]

I am so angry and so upset.  DS who is 7 has been bullied pretty much since kindergarten on and off.  He is one of the most amazign children i have ever met.  He is so kind and caring.  At his preschool graduation he bauled his eyes out because his teacher was crying.  He's very sensitive and always makes sure everyone else is doing ok.  This year has been particularly hard.  He was bullied immediately starting school, and after having a talk with the teacher things seemed to have settled down.  The it started back up with the verbal abuse.  He was getting called fatty, asshole, ass, and all kinds of names.  So another chat with the teacher and things seemed to have settled down.  When he walks to school he walks with the girls across the street.  They are 8 and 14.  The 14 year old always BEGS me to let her babysit the boys, how she has taken the babysitter course and really wants to babysit them.  I'm not comfortable with that because she seems super immature, so my other neighbour babysits when we need one and he is great.  So today DS leaves to walk the 2 blocks to the bus stop with the girls.  I had some running around to do but luckily I had some stuff to do at home first so didn't leave home right away.   15 minutes after DS leaves he comes home bauling his eyes out and gasping for air.  I got him settled down and asked him what was wrong and he tells me the girls across the street beat him up.  They told him it would be fun, so they punched him all over on his arms and in his face.  I was PISSED.  I got dressed and drove ds up to the school.  I spoke with his teacher and she offered to take care of it there, but I want to deal with it personally.  I am waiting to calm down a bit and then I will speak to the parents, although I'm sure it won't change anything.  I'm also goign to pick ds up at the bus stop and I will talk with the girls myself.  I am to the point where I'm going to teach ds how to fight back.  If someone punches him in the face, I'm going to tell him to punch them right back.  I'm just so pissed off.    The school has a zero tolerance for bullying policy....but it's so stupid because the kids get a little talking to and thats it, nothing changes.  Homeschooling is lookign more and more appealing.

[shanniesue2]

Oh mama, I'm so sorry.

I want to offer this suggestion very gently because I don't want to give the impression that I ever think it's the victim's fault.  I certainly don't.  I was a victim of bullying when I was in middle school, and there is a very unique dynamic to the bully/victim relationship.  And I have learned over the years that there are common threads that run among victims and bullies.  And I'm wondering if some kind of play therapy or therapuetic play group or something might help your son learn about assertiveness (not saying that he isn't) and standing up for himself.

Be careful in how you approach the parents of these kids (if that's what you decide to do) because from what I've read, kids who are bullies often have parents who are/were bullies.  Not that you shouldn't address it with them (especially since this particular incident didn't occur on school grounds), just be careful that things don't get heated and out of hand.

Good luck!  Bullying really does suck.

[elmh23]

Honestly, since it didn't actually happen AT school, I'd be more inclined to call the police in to the situation.  I would NOT talk to the girls until you've consulted the police.

[Juvysen]

did he say why the girls did that?  I don't know why but I'm curious if there's more to the story.  I'm so sorry your little guy is having such a rough time.  I was bullied in school and it was about the worst thing ever.  I seriously *HATED* school.  I so wish my parents had homeschooled me.  And the teachers and whoever didn't believe my mom when she was saying it was happening.  It was awful.  My question more stems from my understanding that they walked to the bus stop numerous times already (maybe I have that wrong?).  Why this time?  What happened, you know?  Not saying he caused them to do it, but maybe some misunderstanding happened or something?

[babygrant]

 

Originally Posted by elmh23 

Honestly, since it didn't actually happen AT school, I'd be more inclined to call the police in to the situation.  I would NOT talk to the girls until you've consulted the police.

I might just do that. I'm going to talk more to DS when he gets home.

 

Originally Posted by Juvysen 

did he say why the girls did that?  I don't know why but I'm curious if there's more to the story.  I'm so sorry your little guy is having such a rough time.  I was bullied in school and it was about the worst thing ever.  I seriously *HATED* school.  I so wish my parents had homeschooled me.  And the teachers and whoever didn't believe my mom when she was saying it was happening.  It was awful.  My question more stems from my understanding that they walked to the bus stop numerous times already (maybe I have that wrong?).  Why this time?  What happened, you know?  Not saying he caused them to do it, but maybe some misunderstanding happened or something?

He said the girls says they thought it would be fun to punch him.  Í can totally picture my son being really uncomfortable and giggle out of nervousness before finally breaking down.  They walk together every day and he says the sisters fight with each other a LOT.   Punch each other, hit each other, yell  at each other, etc. 
 

[thefreckledmama]

My oldest daughter is 8, if a 14 year old did what you described, I'd call the police.  A 14 year old knows EXACTLY what they are doing, and there is no excuse.  

[AE+Mama]

 I agree with previous posts that the police should be involved.   It sounds like a planned assault rather than just kids messing around.   I thought I'd share some links that have been helpful for my students.  The first is a Love and Logic article on "Teaseproofing" your kids.   The second is to some parenting podcasts.   If you scroll down, there is a series on bullying.

http://www.loveandlogic.com/pages/teaseproof.html

http://www.loveandlogic.com/feeds/loveandlogic.rss

Bullying is such a hard issue to deal with.  Hope everything turns out well.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by babygrant 
He said the girls says they thought it would be fun to punch him.  Í can totally picture my son being really uncomfortable and giggle out of nervousness before finally breaking down.  They walk together every day and he says the sisters fight with each other a LOT.   Punch each other, hit each other, yell  at each other, etc. 

Was this just a game that got a little more intense than your DS could handle?  It sounds like the girls were trying to include your DS in something they do with each other all the time.

[babygrant]

Well the older girl came over today about 10 minutes after we got home from school to appologize.  I'm assuming her little sister tattled on her.  I'm glad she came over, and if it happens again, I will call the police but for now DS is requesting I walk with him to the bus stop in the morning.