Waiting To Adopt Non DDC - November 2010 - Page 3

[Whistler]

Originally Posted by mamadebug 

I would like to be added to the roll call!  I have been around the adoptive and foster parenting forum for a while and post occasionally.  We have been signed up with a facilitator for about 18 months and are still waiting.  Our experience has been pretty hard and I have been hesitant to post anything online (I am paranoid that way!).  Anyways, we recently moved and knew we were going to pursue new options in our new hometown.  We planned to sign up with another private agency for domestic newborn adoption, but in the course of our research, we heard a only good things about adopting through the county.  We attended the orientation recently, and are filling out our paperwork to go the foster/adopt route!  So, we will be pursuing both private domestic newborn adoption and adopting through the county.....we will see what comes of it!  

Congrats on beginning your journey!  We started out pursuing a foster-care license (and got it, then had to move and lost it... long story) and if nothing else, the training we received was invaluable.  Good luck on your journey!  If I have learned anything from being on the adoption journey for over five years, it's to stay flexible, keep a sense of humor and enjoy the ride.  :)

[Smithie]

DSS home visit went well! We have public health and fire marshall visits still to do, so licensing is estimated for "end of January."

Mamadebug, I will add you to the roll call as soon as I can get myself in front of a real keyboard...

[mamadebug]

Thanks for the welcome and the add to the roll call!  We are just beginning the foster/adopt path, but have been on the adoption path for a couple of years already.  We completed our home study with a private agency almost 2 years ago and signed up with a facilitator a little while after that.  I think I have lost my sense of humor and patience!  It feels hopeful to be taking this in a new direction at this point, really - even though we are starting the process for an entirely new home study!  I don't know anyone in real life going through this right now, and think it would help to connect more with people who are!    

[mamadebug]

Originally Posted by Smithie 

DSS home visit went well! We have public health and fire marshall visits still to do, so licensing is estimated for "end of January."
 

Yeah!  That's great!

[Smithie]

Well, I'll believe it when I see it, but the IDEA is great. 

[Whistler]

Originally Posted by Smithie 

Well, I'll believe it when I see it, but the IDEA is great. 

Hee hee, I always like to have little "due dates" too even if I know they aren't realistic!  It helps when people ask.... People do NOT understand how up-in-the-air fostering and adopting are.  And they can't figure out how we're ok with it.  Uh... we kind of don't have a choice. 

[AllyRae]

I don't see the December list up yet, so I'll post here. :)  We're joining the list under "waiting to start/research".  We're currently filling out the application and medical needs form for the China Special Needs program.  We're hoping to adopt a toddler girl, likely with cleft lip & palate.

(We also finalized a Vietnam adoption in May, 2007 for our little girl Jocelyn Lily Nu, born 2/4/07.

[aclee]

I would love to be added to the list.  We just accepted a surprise referral from DRC, and how our 2 year old daughter will be home sometime during the summer of 2011.  We were not waiting for a referral or looking to adopt at this time, so we're sort in the middle of total chaos.  She will fall right between our two boys who are only 15 months apart to begin with :)  I'm sure we'll be crazy when she gets home!

[sagewinna]

We are officially waiting to be matched again. Yay!!

[Smithie]

Yay!

Fire marshall finally comes tomorrow! Yay!

[Marcimama]

We are bumping up the list quite quickly! 

We are going independent in Uganda and finishing up our home study.

We just 2 referrals for little boys!!! 

One we are waiting to hear a final word on, but the other is a match!

[tiffani]

There are a lot of reasons why someone might feel uncomfortable adopting a child of a different race than themselves, not all of them racist.  Some people don't like the attention it brings, some people don't feel they can offer that child a good upbringing because of a lack of role models in their community, they may have very racist family members, they may fear people thinking they are being trendy or questioning their motives -- lots of reasons that usually fly out the window upon further examination.  I think it depends on your social worker whether you should share that information with them or not -- our first social worker put every single thing we said in our homestudy, so something like that wouldn't have been ok to share.  our second social worker (who we flew to NZ from Japan with her 6 year old daughter) became our friend very quickly, and while we discussed all kinds of things, she wrote her report in a very professional way that reflected who we were as parents, not necessarily every detail of our emotional journey with the adoption process...
 

Originally Posted by tjstyers 

I've really enjoyed reading the reactions to my initial post!  DH & I have continued to talk about this, and I think we're finally on the same page.  We're just going to wait till the baby is born, and then decide if we want to go ahead with the adoption or not.  (Our lawyer agreed that this would be an acceptable course of action, esp. since the baby will be in NICU for 3-6 weeks dealing with methadone withdrawal.)  Although the issue of raising a biracial child was one of DH's initial hesitations, I think he's even more concerned about the baby's health.  The bio mom has lied a LOT, so we don't really know if she's done drugs other than continuing her methadone while pregnant...don't know if she has AIDS, STDs, hepatitis (she says no, but until we get those test results, we're not sure)...don't know if she's taken prenatal vitamins, what effect her heavy smoking will have on the baby, the list goes on & on.  There are just so many unknowns in this situation, we're hesitant to say yes for sure until we know more.  I do agree that counseling would be very good for all parties involved, and I will try to make some phone calls next week to see if we can do that.  It's just all happened so fast...you usually get 9 months to get ready for a baby, we've gotten about 6 weeks.

Smithie, thanks for the advice about being emotionally reserved with the social worker, I always need to be reminded about stuff like that ;)  And I hope that things go well with you in the foster/adopt realm!  Hopefully the right placement WILL happen and you will make a difference in some very important little lives!

How did you meet this expectant mama?  Has she asked you for financial support?  Just thinking it sounds a little strange that if YOU don't adopt this baby that she'll be keeping it.  That sounds strange to me, and makes my BS detector flash a little... hope you can find a clear and peaceful path with this!
 

Originally Posted by Marcimama 

We are bumping up the list quite quickly! 

We are going independent in Uganda and finishing up our home study.

We just 2 referrals for little boys!!! 

One we are waiting to hear a final word on, but the other is a match!

hooray!!!  happy dance!!! :)

I am not sure if I ever came back to this thread once we were home -- things have been busy, to say the least!!  We came home from Uganda 11/15/10, after a month long stay there (dh was only there for the first 10 days, so I was solo parenting in Uganda the rest of the time, which was easier than it sounds!) and the kids are settling in so well, we're all so lucky to have each other!  Zachary Marvin (Zach) will be 4 in a couple of months, Naomi Rose (Rosie) is 20 months old (how did that happen?) and we're still working on finalizing their adoption.  Dad works in another city (in another country, actually) and has a huge commute, keeping him away overnight at least two nights per week.  Once we finalize, we'll move to the city (and country ;-)) where he works, and we'll get to see more of him.  For now, though, he gets to enjoy a hero's welcome home on the nights he comes home, weekends are precious, and we're motivated to finalize as soon as we can get our ducks in a row.

...yet right this second I have a raging sore throat and will be taking everyone to bed with me right now!!!  goodnight!! :)
 

[tiffani]

and smithie, I just went to "like" your post about the fire marshal coming... uh, wrong social networking site!!  congrats on your progress!

[Smithie]

Thanks!
 

He wants us to get different smoke detectors, but he doesn't need to come back. The SW can confirm our compliance. 

Next, I lock up all the poisons because my house needs to be infant-certified by Public Health even though we are not adopting an infant. 

In other news, my IRL friend who got her foster/adopt placement last week is doing well - but one thing we're learning from the experience is that the SWers REALLY DO tell our state's foster kids that they are going to "forever families" once they decide to pursue TPR and move the child out of the staright-foster home. "Mommy" and "Daddy" and the whole ball of wax. I don't much like it. I feel like this kid will get a serious shock to his system if RU or kinship placement is the ultimate outcome - and so will his new parents and his new siblings, though my concern is mainly for D. It actually makes me happy to be going in as open to all kinds of foster placements - I do NOT want a kid on my doorstep clutching an album of our family photos and being told by his SW that he is home forever, when in fact he is not even TPRed and I have no right to keep him and no ability to protect him. 

[CrunchyChristianMama]

Originally Posted by tiffani 

and smithie, I just went to "like" your post about the fire marshal coming... uh, wrong social networking site!!  congrats on your progress!

Did you know you can do that now on MDC?  I don't think it notifies the person whose post it is though.
 

Originally Posted by Smithie 

In other news, my IRL friend who got her foster/adopt placement last week is doing well - but one thing we're learning from the experience is that the SWers REALLY DO tell our state's foster kids that they are going to "forever families" once they decide to pursue TPR and move the child out of the staright-foster home. "Mommy" and "Daddy" and the whole ball of wax. I don't much like it. I feel like this kid will get a serious shock to his system if RU or kinship placement is the ultimate outcome - and so will his new parents and his new siblings, though my concern is mainly for D. It actually makes me happy to be going in as open to all kinds of foster placements - I do NOT want a kid on my doorstep clutching an album of our family photos and being told by his SW that he is home forever, when in fact he is not even TPRed and I have no right to keep him and no ability to protect him. 

That just makes me want to cry.

AFM - we are moving forward in May to apply to our agency and get the ball rolling!