Oh, and keep emailing about every medical/school appointment. End every email with "please contact me if you plan to attend." Overandoverandoveragain. It will drive him crazy, and hopefully he will send you crazy-sounding emails and texts cussing you out for keeping him in the loop about his son.
Steph, is it Seasonal Affective Disorder? It affects me every year, especially when I live in the northern part of the country as the sunlight is weaker here. I take Vitamin D to combat it.
Ya know, it's possible. We've talked to doctors and therapists about it and basically all they say is "yeah, it often happens with children with autism". Helpful, eh? We've learned ways to deal with it and they help some but it's still a rough time of the year for ds.
Thanks!
At this point we're 40 days away from our wedding. 35 days from when we leave (it's a destination wedding so we'll be there for a few days before the wedding). I haven't heard anything so basically I know there will be nothing this week as far as court. There will be nothing the week of Christmas (I'm fairly certain because even if he tries to schedule something then we can ask to have it extended because we're in another state and the holidays and such). So there's really only 3 weeks in December that I'm worried about. Ex is supposed to have another visit December 10/11/12 so I imagine if he's going to do something as far as court goes, it would be next week (end of Nov, beginning of Dec) or the week after that. It sucks that I fear getting the mail every day, thinking there's going to be a court summons 
If he does try to do court next week or the week after I will use ds's school and my school (I cannot be in Michigan for court when I have final exams here in Kentucky) as an excuse to delay it.
If you remember, ask his doc to test his Vitamin D levels at your next visit. I can definitely feel a difference starting in October and lasting until March/April. This year I am trying Vitamin D pills and it seems to be helping a great deal. It affected me very badly in October and I did the bare minimum; since I started taking the Vitamin D pills in November, I am now feeling much better. It did take about 3-4 weeks to have a noticeable affect.
Steph, is it Seasonal Affective Disorder? It affects me every year, especially when I live in the northern part of the country as the sunlight is weaker here. I take Vitamin D to combat it.
Ya know, it's possible. We've talked to doctors and therapists about it and basically all they say is "yeah, it often happens with children with autism". Helpful, eh? We've learned ways to deal with it and they help some but it's still a rough time of the year for ds.
I spoke too soon 
I got a letter from my lawyer Friday with a letter from ex's lawyer. It was full of lies and distortion, obviously. Basically it said that if I don't agree to whatever ex wants then they'll re-file with the court, adding the recent events to what goes to the Judge.
Obviously they left out the fact ex is "calling" ds long enough to say hi and bye (literally- he says hi, might tell Owen one thing he did that day and then says "I'll talk to you Thursday/Sunday!" and hangs up! The last few phone calls have lasted 3 min 6 sec, 2 min 16 sec, 5 min 29 sec, 2 min 36 sec, 4 min 58 sec, 1 min 58 sec, 3 min 02 sec, etc. The letter doesn't mention that ex promised ds over and over again a b-day gift and ds never received any (his b-day was Oct 3rd). DS mentioned it to ex (on his own! I had sooo been hoping he would too but would never put that idea in his head). Ex's response? He stumbled for a minute and then said "I guess it got lost in the mail". 
The letter says that I am insisting that ex never see ds unsupervised. Which is bull because I have tons of texts from that weekend telling ex that I thought it would be in ds's best interest to do the Friday visit with me around so I could make sure he was adjusting fine and if he did then he could do half supervised, half unsupervised on Saturday and if ds did fine then he could do all unsupervised on Sunday. No mention of that at all. No mention of ex refusing to see ds at all that weekend if he couldn't have it exactly like he wanted. No mention of the fact my lawyer has been trying to get ahold of them all summer and has gotten no response from ex's lawyer for months.
ARGH!
I'll get in touch with my lawyer this week. It will probably be by the end of the week before ex's lawyer gets a letter back from mine. Give it a couple more business days for ex's lawyer to contact him and decide what to do. If they decide at that point to take it to court I can't imagine they'll get it in court before the middle of December (after his next visit, which is Dec 10, 11, 12). In that case I'll ask for an extension because I am not taking ds out of school during the last week before Christmas break (and can't leave him here with Jason because Jason is on a business trip that week). Then it can be delayed because of the holidays and then because we'll be in the Virgin Islands. So hopefully it will be delayed until after the New Year 
I don't know what ex plans on doing about his next visit though because he's totally unwilling to talk to me at all so..... who knows.
I can commiserate. Dad's that truly don't care but continue to manipulate their way through the court system just to torture us seems par for the course for some of us.
Steph, I swear in some weird way I love your ex. I love him because he's shooting himself in the foot and the more crazy stuff he does, the more I think your plan is going to work. It kind of seems like he's almost begging for a really good "excuse" to back out. (Kind of how my ex's "excuse" for not having anything to do with the pregnancy or birth or postpartum was to lie and say it wasn't his kid.) I really think he'll take the financial stuff as an "out."
You're so close to the end!!! I'm actually getting pretty excited for you! GO STEPH!!!!!!
*Sigh* I keep hoping to see a GOOD update from you! Oy! What a mess! IMHO I would get married, at the court house on 1-1-11 and again on 1-11-11 for your REAL wedding. I would do it just to CYA. Honestly.
I know that you will continue to stay strong and do what you need to do, I just wish you could get a break here. I don't think the judge is going to fall for the crap of your EX, but honestly- who knows! It's been a LONG road for all of you, and seems the judge has changed quite a bit. I would contact a few lawyers in your area you are in now and ask what the feel of the courts are in your area- are they bend over backward for the dads? Maybe after you get married it will be time to change the jurisdiction of all of this. I have a hard time seeing ex show up to court in another state, honestly. It's just too much work for him, since he can't make even one visit to see O as agreed.....
IMHO I would get married, at the court house on 1-1-11 and again on 1-11-11 for your REAL wedding. I would do it just to CYA.
Well, we are getting married on 1-1-11, in the Virgin Islands :) The first day we can get married and not have a huge financial blow is Jan 1st, so that's when we'll get married (the funny thing is- there is actually another, personal, reason for getting married that day so it's not just the financial aspect of it!).
I have an appointment on Thursday to have a phone meeting with my lawyer. Which means that ex's lawyer won't hear back from us until probably early next week, which means he's pretty much screwed himself over, again. If he was THAT upset about not seeing ds over Halloween weekend he should have been in his lawyers office the next day (Monday November 1st) filing with the court again so he could make sure to have visitation figured out before his December visit. He stalled and delayed so long that there's no way it will get back in court before his next visit (Dec 10/11/12). So what does that mean? If ex wants to see ds that weekend he's going to have to suck it up and work with me 
Way to go ex. Brilliant planning on your part 
I will offer him nothing more than I did in October- he can see ds supervised Friday, half supervised, half unsupervised Saturday (if ds did okay Friday) and all 3 hours unsupervised Sunday (if ds did okay Saturday). If he doesn't accept that, he is off his rocker. DS hasn't seen him at all since March! 9 months! From October 2009 til right now I brought ds back 7 times, for a total of 22 days. He saw ds on 2 of those days for 3 hours each (once in October 2009 and once in March 2010). He skipped completely in November 2009 (3 days), December 2009 (3 days), July 2010 (3 days) again in July 2010 (4 days) (2 weekends in a row) and October 2010 (3 days), as well as 2 days in October 2009 and 2 days in March 2010. Seriously. There is no way I'm handing over my child to him willingly. The Judge can pry ds from my cold, dead hands before that happens 
The Virgin Islands??? AWESOME!! Sorry your ex is so annoying (wish I could use a stronger word than that....), wish there was something I could do to make this all just go away and make Jason O's adoptive dad. Oh well, you'll get through it!!!
The Virgin Islands??? AWESOME!! Sorry your ex is so annoying (wish I could use a stronger word than that....), wish there was something I could do to make this all just go away and make Jason O's adoptive dad. Oh well, you'll get through it!!!
Yes! We can't wait! DS is super excited because he gets to stay at Grandpa's house while we're gone and he loves his Grandpa so much 
He has a countdown of the days going already. We leave Kentucky the day after Christmas to go to Michigan. Then early the next morning we leave to go to the Detroit airport to fly out (our plane takes off at 6am, which means we need to be in the car driving to the airport around 2am 
). Then we get to hang around on the islands for a couple days, then get married, then hang around for a couple more days and then head back to Michigan to pick up ds and come back home 
DS has only been away from me overnight once, when he was 3, but I put him to bed at Grandpa's house (we lived there at the time) and was back the next morning right after he woke up. That is the one and only night dp and I have ever spent together, alone. It's time for a break 
I'm a little nervous about that, but ds says he's a big boy and will do fine
I'm also nervous because ds told ex "I get to go to Grandpa's house for a whole week at Christmas!". Ex just said "oh really, isn't that interesting". I'm a little nervous that he's going to show up at my dad's house and try to take ds when I'm not there (though as far as I know ds hasn't told ex that he will be at Grandpa's house alone so ex doesn't know that dp and I will be in the Virgin Islands). I'm going to write a letter explaining that ds is with my dad during that time and ex doesn't have any visitation during that time frame. We do not have right of first refusal in our current court order. So hopefully that will be enough (obviously adding phone numbers that I can be reached at) so if ex were to try to show up all my dad would have to do is call the police and show them the letter to keep ex from taking ds.
Steph, I think you should call your lawyer and ask about what you can do to CYA in case Ex tries something. I was speaking with a few people about that today. My kids school told me that unless the have a court order terminating parental rights if my STBXH shows up and asks for the kids they would have to give them to him. Even sole custody with a court order can't be inforced. I have talked with my attorney about it yet though. I know you've been doing this A LOT longer than I have but I think your dad would be more comfortable if he knew exactly how to "play" the situation should it arise.
Oops- My bad! I thought you were getting married on 1-11-11....damn dyslexia :) Glad you're getting married in such a beautiful place, and glad O is going to spend time with Grandpa! Hope all goes well!
Quote:
IMHO I would get married, at the court house on 1-1-11 and again on 1-11-11 for your REAL wedding. I would do it just to CYA.
Well, we are getting married on 1-1-11, in the Virgin Islands :) The first day we can get married and not have a huge financial blow is Jan 1st, so that's when we'll get married (the funny thing is- there is actually another, personal, reason for getting married that day so it's not just the financial aspect of it!).
I have an appointment on Thursday to have a phone meeting with my lawyer. Which means that ex's lawyer won't hear back from us until probably early next week, which means he's pretty much screwed himself over, again. If he was THAT upset about not seeing ds over Halloween weekend he should have been in his lawyers office the next day (Monday November 1st) filing with the court again so he could make sure to have visitation figured out before his December visit. He stalled and delayed so long that there's no way it will get back in court before his next visit (Dec 10/11/12). So what does that mean? If ex wants to see ds that weekend he's going to have to suck it up and work with me Way to go ex. Brilliant planning on your part I will offer him nothing more than I did in October- he can see ds supervised Friday, half supervised, half unsupervised Saturday (if ds did okay Friday) and all 3 hours unsupervised Sunday (if ds did okay Saturday). If he doesn't accept that, he is off his rocker. DS hasn't seen him at all since March! 9 months! From October 2009 til right now I brought ds back 7 times, for a total of 22 days. He saw ds on 2 of those days for 3 hours each (once in October 2009 and once in March 2010). He skipped completely in November 2009 (3 days), December 2009 (3 days), July 2010 (3 days) again in July 2010 (4 days) (2 weekends in a row) and October 2010 (3 days), as well as 2 days in October 2009 and 2 days in March 2010. Seriously. There is no way I'm handing over my child to him willingly. The Judge can pry ds from my cold, dead hands before that happens
I love my lawyer I talked to her this morning and she's going to write a letter to ex's lawyer basically explaining our side of things (that ex is lying about many details) and include a little teaser of our evidence (including the record of text messages sent over Halloween weekend that show I absolutely did not keep Matt from seeing Owen that weekend nor did I insist he couldn't have unsupervised visits- if he had done what I asked of him he would have had unsupervised visits by the end of that weekend if Owen was okay with that). She will offer him the same deal for this next weekend (Dec 10/11/12)- supervised 3 hours Friday, 1 1/2 hours supervised 1 1/2 hours unsupervised Saturday and 3 hours unsupervised Sunday IF Owen is adjusting well to it. He can take the offer or leave it, I don't really care at this point. If he chooses not to take it, he's basically shooting himself in the foot (again) because there's no way he'll be able to get in court before the visit happens. So he'll either agree to what I offer or he'll not see ds- which means his next opportunity won't be until March 2011- a full year since he last saw ds. Explain that one to the Judge, buddy
Of course, what I really want that letter to say is "kiss my a$$, I'm not offering you anything you sorry UAV".... but it won't.
Steph, I think you should call your lawyer and ask about what you can do to CYA in case Ex tries something. I was speaking with a few people about that today. My kids school told me that unless the have a court order terminating parental rights if my STBXH shows up and asks for the kids they would have to give them to him. Even sole custody with a court order can't be inforced. I have talked with my attorney about it yet though. I know you've been doing this A LOT longer than I have but I think your dad would be more comfortable if he knew exactly how to "play" the situation should it arise.
I talked to my lawyer about this too and she says that because of the way our court order is stated right now, he cannot come and take ds anytime he wants (I have sole physical, we have joint legal but it's all in the way the visitation clause is worded- visitation is basically at my discretion, as agreed upon by the two of us- so if I don't agree to it, it doesn't happen). If he were to show up and attempt to take ds (even from my dad if I'm not around) it would be parental kidnapping as well as a violation of our court order. Now I know he's not the brightest crayon in the box, but I don't think his wife would want that one on his record So all I have to do is leave a copy of the court order, as well as a letter from me explaining that ex doesn't have my permission to take ds during that time, with my dad and that's all he'll need to keep ds away from ex.
And just because I'm part evil I have to laugh because ex doesn't even realize that he's paying for my lawyer. LOL! All the child support gets deposited into one bank account that's up in Michigan. When we go up there I just take large chunks out and bring it back to my Kentucky bank. But lately when we go up there I just take large chunks out and give it to my lawyer... which is what I will be doing next week. Yes ex, keep dragging this on. Enjoy paying for your lawyer as well as mine
(Obviously ds is not doing without and has a roof over his head, food in his belly, clothes on his body and plenty of books and toys... it's just funny how the money gets shuffled around and it ends up that it's more convenient to pay my lawyer out of the child support account).
steph make sure you leave a certified copy of the court order. you probably are doing just that but i thought i'd just suggest it never the less.
i didnt read this whole thread but maybe you could get married at a courthouse if its that serious then have your wedding next month?
Steph you are awesome. I wouldn't have even offered unsupervised to someone who acts like that. Make sure the letter you leave your dad is notarized, just to CYA.
She has to get married next year for financial reasons, so she's getting married on the 1st of January. She'll already be in the Virgin Islands by then, that's where the wedding is. So, from my understanding, it's no different than if she did it at a local courthouse. It would still be the same date. Less than a month away, yay!!!
i didnt read this whole thread but maybe you could get married at a courthouse if its that serious then have your wedding next month?
steph make sure you leave a certified copy of the court order.
Yup, I've got one. Thanks!
I wouldn't have even offered unsupervised to someone who acts like that. Make sure the letter you leave your dad is notarized, just to CYA.
Great idea.... I'll do that! Trust me, I didn't want to offer anything. But since he's never physically hurt ds then the courts are likely to say he's a "fit parent" and deserves unsupervised time. If I refuse it completely it will make me look bad. It's a messed up world where we have to send our kids with someone we know doesn't care about them and we know doesn't care what happens to them while we wait for them to get hurt. Only then do we have a case to attempt to keep the child safe 
She has to get married next year for financial reasons, so she's getting married on the 1st of January. She'll already be in the Virgin Islands by then, that's where the wedding is. So, from my understanding, it's no different than if she did it at a local courthouse. It would still be the same date. Less than a month away, yay!!!
i didnt read this whole thread but maybe you could get married at a courthouse if its that serious then have your wedding next month?
Yup, exactly. We leave for the Virgin Islands in 25 days. We get married in 30 days!!!!
sorry i didn't understand the situation entirely.
CONGRATS!!! how exciting :):):):)
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