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Really? A judge can force this?!? - Page 4

post #61 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post


Yup, exactly. We leave for the Virgin Islands in 25 days. We get married in 30 days!!!!



I hope you post a pic or 2!!!  I'm SO EXCITED for you!

post #62 of 131
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by naturallymommy View Post

sorry i didn't understand the situation entirely.

CONGRATS!!! how exciting :):):):)



No problem! As we teach the children I work with- there are no stupid questions :)

 

And thanks!


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post


Yup, exactly. We leave for the Virgin Islands in 25 days. We get married in 30 days!!!!



I hope you post a pic or 2!!!  I'm SO EXCITED for you!



Definitely! There will probably be a lot of pictures, actually. Our photographer is going to do a shoot on one island a couple days before we get married (just fun shots). Then he'll do another shoot of our wedding (on a different island). He's set up an online photo album that we can give people the link to. So after he posts pics I'll post the link! There will also be a video of the wedding but I'm not sure how I'll get that posted.

post #63 of 131

t/j sorry

 

Is MIL still hounding you about your wedding?

post #64 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by naturallymommy View Post

sorry i didn't understand the situation entirely.

CONGRATS!!! how exciting :):):):)



No problem! As we teach the children I work with- there are no stupid questions :)

 

And thanks!


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post


Yup, exactly. We leave for the Virgin Islands in 25 days. We get married in 30 days!!!!



I hope you post a pic or 2!!!  I'm SO EXCITED for you!



Definitely! There will probably be a lot of pictures, actually. Our photographer is going to do a shoot on one island a couple days before we get married (just fun shots). Then he'll do another shoot of our wedding (on a different island). He's set up an online photo album that we can give people the link to. So after he posts pics I'll post the link! There will also be a video of the wedding but I'm not sure how I'll get that posted.


Awesome!!!  I'm so excited for you!  It's going to be SOOOOOO FUN!  I just hope Owen has just as much fun as you do!

post #65 of 131

I am very excited for you Steph.  O will have a blast with Grandpa and Jason and you deserve a little couple time ---- especially for your wedding!  I love destination weddings. :)  Good idea to have the certified copy of your order and a letter to cover things should your dad need to.  Also make sure he has your lawyer's info. just  in case it's needed....... 

 

Enjoy your special day!!!!!

post #66 of 131

I just stumbled upon this thread after months of not being here. OMG!  Are you living my life??? My ex is trying to take yds because soon-to-be-husband moved in when my ods became violent.  ODS is now in a residential facility BUT there is no guarantee he won't be discharged at any time, so s-t-b-h has not moved out.  We are getting married January 15.  THANK GOODNESS due to conflicts my court date has been postponed twice and is now scheduled for January 31st.  And I totally get the money thing.  I would lose nearly $8000 if we married during 2010, which is the only reason we aren't!

 

Wow, the things that happen in this world never cease to bewilder me!

post #67 of 131
Thread Starter 

So here's a funny little update. Ex just talked to ds (for a whole 2 minutes and 47 seconds). He basically said hi, asked what ds did over the weekend, didn't want any elaboration, then told ds that they (he and his sister and mom) were getting him "lots and lots of Christmas presents so when you come visit us at the end of the month we can spoil you". Ummm..... his next visit is this weekend. In 5 days. Not at the end of the month. The UAV doesn't even know when his visit is, but is claiming to be father of the year. Yet he's had the letter since last JANUARY when his visit would be for this year. He doesn't have any visitation time at the end of the month. He has a visit this Friday, Saturday and Sunday. That's it. As for the "lots and lots of presents"..... uhhhh.... yeah, kinda like you sent ds a b-day present 2 1/2 months ago and he still hasn't received it? Yeah. Wonderful. The stupid thing is he even told ds what he was sending him (a certain dvd that ds had never asked for and had no interest in and a pair of pj's that ds probably won't wear because he has very specific clothing issues and ex didn't think to ask me about those). I'm going to roll if he re-wraps those and gives them to ds for Christmas. Father of the year duh.gif I'm trying to decide what to do. Send him an email reminding him that his visit is this weekend (probably would look the best in front of the Judge but I know ex doesn't check his email often at all so he might not even get it before the weekend), send him a text reminding him of his visit this weekend (would look good in front of the Judge, but I've already received a text from him telling me not to contact him unless there's an emergency with ds), not say a thing and wait to see what happens (he may get a letter from my lawyer before his Friday visit with the visit mentioned in it, but he may not).... or something I'm not thinking of.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by neetling View Post

t/j sorry

 

Is MIL still hounding you about your wedding?


Surprisingly, FMIL has changed a LOT over the last few months. DP and I were just talking about this. She seems to have grown up (lol) and isn't nearly as "needy" as she was before. We've heard a comment here and there from both FMIL and FFIL about "are you sure there's no room in your suitcase for us?" and stuff like that, but all in a joking manner. I think she has come to terms with it and is okay. Not happy, but okay. DS told her the other day that "Jason and mama are getting married so they can have another baby" lol.gif So I think FMIL is on her best behavior knowing that if we do have another baby I won't tolerate her crap and, if we do have another baby, that would be her one and only "blood grandchild" (she has 3 other grandchildren, including ds, but none of them are related by blood. She didn't meet ds until he was 3 1/2, her other grandson she didn't meet until he was 5 or 6 and her granddaughter is only 2 but her parents have chosen to basically cut FMIL and FFIL out of their lives so she's only seen her maybe 10 times in the last 2 years even though they live just 10 minutes away. So if we have a baby it would be her one and only chance to be a part of the child's life from birth). But I won't play her games and I think she's realized that. She actually made me and dp very proud though. Her b-day was last week. Every year on her b-day she wants to go eat at a restaurant. Fine, no biggie. But ds does NOT handle restaurants well, especially this time of the year (he has autism). Last year it was a disaster. We went to Red Lobster and he basically spent half of the dinner under the table screaming and the other half I took him outside and then took my food home. I told dp that he was welcome to take his mom out for dinner on her b-day, but ds and I would not be joining them. But, before dp could even tell his mom that, she told dp that she wanted to do her b-day different this year because she wanted to make it easier on ds. So instead of going out we did dinner at our house (I cooked). DS did wonderful and everyone had a great time thumb.gif 6 months ago she wouldn't have cared and would have insisted on dinner out and thrown a big temper tantrum if ds and I didn't go. I will also say that I'm attempting to meet her half way so for Thanksgiving I agreed to take ds to Cracker Barrel to eat dinner with them, even though I was completely opposed to it, because I knew it meant a lot to FMIL. We agreed that FMIL and FFIL would get to the restaurant and put their names on the list and 10 minutes before we were supposed to be seated we would leave our house and meet them there. It worked out wonderfully and we all had a good meal.

 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveOhm View Post

I am very excited for you Steph.  O will have a blast with Grandpa and Jason and you deserve a little couple time ---- especially for your wedding!  I love destination weddings. :)  Good idea to have the certified copy of your order and a letter to cover things should your dad need to.  Also make sure he has your lawyer's info. just  in case it's needed....... 

 

Enjoy your special day!!!!!



Thanks! My dad actually has all the info for the lawyer.... since he used her for his divorce too. LOL! Small town winky.gif


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Myboysmom View Post

I just stumbled upon this thread after months of not being here. OMG!  Are you living my life??? My ex is trying to take yds because soon-to-be-husband moved in when my ods became violent.  ODS is now in a residential facility BUT there is no guarantee he won't be discharged at any time, so s-t-b-h has not moved out.  We are getting married January 15.  THANK GOODNESS due to conflicts my court date has been postponed twice and is now scheduled for January 31st.  And I totally get the money thing.  I would lose nearly $8000 if we married during 2010, which is the only reason we aren't!

 

Wow, the things that happen in this world never cease to bewilder me!



That is insane. Great that you got your court date postponed! I think it's so bogus that a Judge can snub his nose at the loss of $8-10,000. That's no small chunk of change for most of us!

post #68 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post

I'm trying to decide what to do. Send him an email reminding him that his visit is this weekend (probably would look the best in front of the Judge but I know ex doesn't check his email often at all so he might not even get it before the weekend), send him a text reminding him of his visit this weekend (would look good in front of the Judge, but I've already received a text from him telling me not to contact him unless there's an emergency with ds), not say a thing and wait to see what happens (he may get a letter from my lawyer before his Friday visit with the visit mentioned in it, but he may not).... or something I'm not thinking of. 

 

I would send him an email and mention in the email that you would have sent him a text as well except that he specifically asked you not to text unless it was an emergency. This way you have it covered. :) Whether he reads it in time is not your fault...you would have sent a text if he hadn't asked you not to!

post #69 of 131

I would not remind him.  If he has the visitation schedule for the year why should you have to remind him?  I have no patience with crappy parent behavior like his.  You are not sabotaging him  by not reminding him, he has the schedule.  You are not his parent, he is a parent to your son and should not have to be reminded of visitation that was scheduled nearly a year ago.  I am sure this will not go over well, but Steph you are in a battle against him and you need all of the ammo you can get.  Despite what an absent and uninvolved parent he has been to date, you have no idea how this judge is going to rule if you end up in court, kwim?
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by smeep View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post

I'm trying to decide what to do. Send him an email reminding him that his visit is this weekend (probably would look the best in front of the Judge but I know ex doesn't check his email often at all so he might not even get it before the weekend), send him a text reminding him of his visit this weekend (would look good in front of the Judge, but I've already received a text from him telling me not to contact him unless there's an emergency with ds), not say a thing and wait to see what happens (he may get a letter from my lawyer before his Friday visit with the visit mentioned in it, but he may not).... or something I'm not thinking of. 

 

I would send him an email and mention in the email that you would have sent him a text as well except that he specifically asked you not to text unless it was an emergency. This way you have it covered. :) Whether he reads it in time is not your fault...you would have sent a text if he hadn't asked you not to!

post #70 of 131
Thread Starter 

Thanks ladies! I ended up emailing my lawyer and explained the situation to her and asked what I should do. Just waiting for her reply on how to proceed. I'm almost tempted to let it go and then when he misses the Friday visit I'll send him a text asking him why he missed the visit and whether he's going to see ds on Saturday. That way it's known that he missed the visit, but I don't look horribly crappy in front of the Judge. ETA- it's possible ex will realize before Friday that it's a visit weekend. He calls ds on Thursday nights. On Thursday night we will be driving up to Michigan so it's possible ds will tell him that.

post #71 of 131

i would wait it out to be honest.  See if O tells him Thursday (you'll be in the car right?  I can't imagine O would leave that out - well, except that he hangs up too quickly).  Then, Friday morning, I would send a text asking if he's going to see O.  Likely, he'll have plans, or the baby, and won't be able to visit. 

post #72 of 131

he is something, isn't he?

 

it might make sense to prepare owen for the possibility of disappointment with gifts.  i would say that sometimes people say they are going to do something that they really want to do (like give you a bunch of presents), when they aren't actually able to do it.  on the other hand, maybe that's letting matt off the hook too easily, and maybe you don't need to make excuses for him.  i don't know.  in my case it's different, because my boys do have a relationship with their dad (recent split) - it's more damaging to them personally when their dad screws up, versus owen being disappointed but not necessarily feeling as bad about himself just because matt is a flake.  idk.

post #73 of 131
Thread Starter 

That's an interesting idea, doubledutch. With his birthday, ds didn't really seem to care one way or another. He never mentioned (to dp and I) the lack of a gift from ex. When ex told him last night that they were getting him "lots and lots of Christmas presents" ds didn't react at all. No excitement, nothing. The only time it has seemed to hurt ds was last Christmas ds picked out what he considered the perfect present for ex's baby (who was a couple months old at Christmas last year). DS worked hard to pick out that gift and wrapped it all by himself (he picked out a blanket with Mickey Mouse on it- because he loves Mickey Mouse and thought the baby would too, and he said it was cold so he wanted to make sure the baby stayed warm. He also picked out a little toy "so I can show the baby how to play"). Then ex didn't even show up for Christmas. Not a call. Nothing. We met with ex's grandparents that weekend and they took the gift to make sure the baby got it. DS didn't receive a thank you card, note, email, phone call, picture. Nothing. DS didn't even notice or care that he didn't receive anything from ex for Christmas, but it sure hurt him that he a) wasn't able to give the baby the gift and b) didn't even get a thank you for the gift. He talked about that one for quite awhile greensad.gif  If ds asks to buy something for the baby this year, I'll probably let him (or encourage him to make something). But he hasn't asked yet and I'm not going to mention it. I'd rather he not go through that pain again. angry.gif

post #74 of 131

I'm a lurker coming out of the woodwork, with no parenting experience whatsoever, but i thought of something (maybe it's so obvious you've thought of it already, and just not mentioned it, anything's possible).  Ex was talking to Owen about the end of December, and you happened to hear because I think i remember that O prefers speakerphone.  It would be different if he had texted you with something about the end of December and presents, but for all he knows O is in the other room.  Ex has the visitation schedule, if he messes it up it's not your thing to fix. Hope this helps!

post #75 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by justbecca View Post

I'm a lurker coming out of the woodwork, with no parenting experience whatsoever, but i thought of something (maybe it's so obvious you've thought of it already, and just not mentioned it, anything's possible).  Ex was talking to Owen about the end of December, and you happened to hear because I think i remember that O prefers speakerphone.  It would be different if he had texted you with something about the end of December and presents, but for all he knows O is in the other room.  Ex has the visitation schedule, if he messes it up it's not your thing to fix. Hope this helps!


Good point.  There is no reason for you to expect XH isn't prepared for this weekend (other than he is who he is, but that's beside the point) .  He has had the schedule for nearly a year and of course you weren't snooping on his phone calls to O ;) .

post #76 of 131
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by justbecca View Post

I'm a lurker coming out of the woodwork, with no parenting experience whatsoever, but i thought of something (maybe it's so obvious you've thought of it already, and just not mentioned it, anything's possible).  Ex was talking to Owen about the end of December, and you happened to hear because I think i remember that O prefers speakerphone.  It would be different if he had texted you with something about the end of December and presents, but for all he knows O is in the other room.  Ex has the visitation schedule, if he messes it up it's not your thing to fix. Hope this helps!



Good point!

 

My lawyer did advise me to contact ex and just tell him that my lawyer sent his lawyer a letter detailing our offer for visit this weekend, but to sum it up.... and then give a quick explanation of our offer. This was her advice because ex's lawyer actually sent my lawyer a letter a couple weeks ago, but because of the state difference and stuff it takes a little longer for us to respond. So ex's lawyer is just now getting a letter from my lawyer, 2 days before the visit is supposed to be. Ex could attempt to claim in court that we were stalling with responding so he wouldn't have time to make plans for a visit this weekend (even though we all know the truth). So me sending him an email/text letting him know the papers are at his lawyers but if he wants to see ds this weekend he needs to contact me just covers my butt. We don't even know if he'll agree to it (the offer is 3 hours supervised Friday, 1 1/2 hours supervised and 1 1/2 hours unsupervised Saturday and 3 hours unsupervised on Sunday.... same as we offered in October).

 

So I emailed ex last night and sent him a text bright and early this morning. LOL! I'm sure he loved that little wake up (he works afternoons so typically doesn't wake up until 11 or noon). lol.gif  Now we just wait and see if we hear back from him. The text I sent basically forces him to contact me if he wants to see ds (to tell me where he wants me to bring ds on Friday morning). If I don't hear from him, I assume he doesn't want to see ds.

post #77 of 131
Thread Starter 

Well, I sent ex an email Tuesday night and sent him a text yesterday at 8am. It's now Thursday at 9am..... 24 hours before his visit is supposed to be and I haven't heard from him. I have to drive ds alone up to Michigan tonight (and we can't leave until after his therapy which is after school so the earliest we'll be on the road is 5:30..... it's about a 7 hour drive so we should get up there around midnight or 1am. That's IF the roads are clear and not icy. I have to drive this one alone too because dp has a lot of medical stuff going on (he gets a CT scan today to make sure what they saw are polyps and not tumors greensad.gif ) so he can't come (he has doctor appointments tomorrow to figure out what to do once they know what we're dealing with). I swear- if I drive all the way up there and he *doesn't* see Owen- I'm going to be pissed. I will be pissed to the point of having my lawyer file papers with the court to take his a$$ back in, suing him for sole custody (those papers are actually already on the Judge's desk, just waiting for us to proceed) as well as making him pay back the cost of driving up there as well as the money I had to give up from not working today or tomorrow. If I drive all the way up there, when I should be here supporting dp, and ex doesn't even show up or call to say he's not going to see ds.... grrrrr. At least ds will enjoy his time with Grandpa. I will still be pissed. Ex is supposed to call ds tonight so we'll see whether he tells ds he's going to see him this weekend.

post #78 of 131

oh wow!  i'm sorry you're having to deal with ex's shenanigans when dp is going through stuff.  i bet you really wish you could be there tomorrow.  :(  safe travels!

post #79 of 131

Since you won't be there until 1am at the earliest, I would send a second email detailing the reasons for that, and explain that O will not be available for a visit until 11am - that gives you some down time in the morning (or some extra sleep time).  I think thats perfectly reasonable - if it ruffles his feathers who cares.

post #80 of 131

Did he call?

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