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Really? A judge can force this?!? - Page 5

post #81 of 131
Thread Starter 

Yes, he did contact me. Sorta. He sent me a text but only part of it came through. I sent him a text asking him to resend it but never heard back. About 3 hours after I sent that text I just called him (he had called ds during that 3 hours too). He was very polite, which was shocking. He explained that he understood why I needed to make sure ds adjusted well (AKA- his lawyer must have beat him over the head after getting the letter from my lawyer... lol). He agreed to the visits I proposed for this weekend and said he would call ds this morning to ask ds where he wanted to go for breakfast (what?!? Normally he would just pick a place, usually somewhere ds wouldn't like anything anyway). DS picked McDonald's (of course) so we met there at 9am. The plan was to grab some breakfast then around 10 to go to the town he lives in to go to the library his wife works at. DS started reading to ex imediately at 9am (ds had brought some books with him) and read to him until after 11. LOL! (Of course, ex didn't buy ds breakfast so after waiting until 9:30 I just bought ds some food to eat- ex has never bought ds any food when he has his visits- I always do). At 11 ex asked me what time it was. I told him and he mentioned that it was too late to go to his town. So I asked ds if he wanted to go play in the play area for a bit. Ex took him in there and not even 10 minutes later came back out and got me saying "he's hiding so you can go deal with him". Gee. Thanks. We get him out (I sorta forced ex to go crawl into the play area to get ds out... lol). Ex was gone by 11:30. His visit was supposed to be until noon. WTF?! He's insisting to a Judge he wants more time (usupervised) but can't even take the time he's offered?!? Seriously?? I agreed to bringing ds to ex's house tomorrow morning. From 9-10:30 will be with me there and then from 10:30 until noon will be without me there. He asked me if I could bring one of ds's dvd's to his house tomorrow. I looked at him like he had grown a dozen heads. Ummm.... ds's house and all his stuff is in Kentucky. We do not bring everything he owns to Michigan for a weekend visit. YOU can go out and get a dvd for him. Geez. Go to the freaking redbox and rent him a dvd for $1 if it means that much to you.

 

Soooo..... he is seeing ds. DS did good with the visit today (he'll read to just about anyone for hours at a time... lol). But he's just giving me more fuel to the fire (if he goes to court claiming that he wants more time with ds then we can prove he hasn't even used all the available time).

post #82 of 131

let him keep digging....find the art if you can (humor) of it and use it to your advantage in court.  Best of luck this weekend.

post #83 of 131

I'm really curious about this since I'm also in KY. My STBX has already moved in with his gf, whom he just MET 9 months ago. I think this is very bad for the children and shows a complete lack of parenting judgment. (I'm not saying anything about you - what I'm saying is to move kids in with someone you hardly know just a year after separating from their mother is a poor decision and poor example for young kids.)

 

Also, I can submit medical bills to whatever this friend of the court program is? I just had child support go through the state and he carries the kids on his insurance but is refusing to pay the deductible on their and my medical bills (Mine I can understand, but theirs??

post #84 of 131

Hey Steph - how is Jason? I hope he got good results at the doctors'!

post #85 of 131
Thread Starter 

Quick update... ex is, like always, taking 1 step forward and 3 steps back. He got kudos for actually visiting with ds today and not skipping. He also got kudos for calling his sister and asking her to come to his house to help him (because he was going to take ds to some festival thing going on in his town- which meant walking on sidewalks and crossing streets with ds). At least he was smart enough to call for help (knowing he's already let ds run into a road and almost get hit by a car once). However, before I left (I stayed for 1 1/2 hours and the he had ds alone for 1 1/2 hours) I heard ds tell ex he was hungry. Ex's response? "You can get something to eat after your mom comes back". WTF?!? DS said that he kept asking ex for food but ex wouldn't give him anything :( How hard is it to give the kid a banana or a handful of crackers?? Then when I picked ds up we were discussing tomorrows visit (3 hours usupervised). Ex said he would come pick ds up here and then I could come pick him up at the end of the visit. Cool, since that means I wouldn't have to get up as early (his visit is supposed to start at 8am) and it also means that I wouldn't have to do all the driving (ex moved about 30 minutes away from where he used to live- by my dad- so I've had to do all the driving for the visits). I asked ex if he had a carseat for ds and he stumbled around and finally said "I thought we could just use *D*'s" (D is his 1 year old son). Ummmm.... I asked how high the weight limit is for that carseat and he said he didn't know, he would ask his wife. She said she thought it was 65lbs. Okay, no biggie. I explained to ex he would have to re-thread the harness (since it's so low for a 1 year old). I asked him to double check to make sure the carseat goes to 65lbs before we leave. We went out to his car where he figured out it really only goes to 40lbs. DS is about 52lbs. Obviously ds can't use that carseat. So now I have to drive ds back out there at 8am tomorrow (which means I have to wake ds up before 7 to get him dressed and ready to go). Grrrr. Ex promised he would have a carseat for ds by the next visit, which is bogus because we had the conversation about him getting a carseat back in July. And he was supposed to have it by his visit in October. So how the heck could he have even done his October visit, if I had caved and let him have ds unsupervised!?! That really pisses me off but all I can do is record it and take it back to the Judge- obviously ex isn't serious about seeing ds because he's had 5 months to buy him a carseat and he still hasn't.

 

Blueholly- I'm not sure how it works in Kentucky, sorry. Even though we live in Kentucky, all of our court stuff is done through Michigan.

 

momof4peppers- thanks for asking. DP had a CT scan done Thursday but the appointment for the results got re-scheduled for Monday morning. So now we just have to continue waiting.

post #86 of 131

Wishing you peace and warm thoughts this weekend both with O and on Monday with your DP

post #87 of 131
Thread Starter 

Okay, so there was a lot that happened that I left out of the last post because I wanted to see how it all played out. At this point, though, I am contacting my lawyer and asking if we can ask the Judge to order supervised visit. I'll try to give the short version because I'm exhausted and need to sleep!

 

Friday- ex invited ds out for breakfast (ds picked McDonalds). Ex refused to actually GET food for ds so forced me to. No biggie, at least I knew ds was eating.

 

Saturday- I was with ds at ex's house for the first 1 1/2 hours. Then I left and ex had ds alone for 1 1/2 hours. Right as I was leaving after the first 1 1/2 hours I heard ds tell ex that he was hungry. Ex mumbled something about "when your mom comes back". When I picked up ds at the end of the visit I was putting him in his carseat when he started complaining about being hungry and said that ex wouldn't give him any food even though he told him he was hungry greensad.gif At the end of the visit, as we were packing ds up, ex and his sister promised ds that the next morning they were going to make him a big Christmas breakfast for that side of the family. They asked what breakfast foods ds likes so he and I told them. They were cool with that and told him that the next say he would come over and they would have a big breakfast and they would have some Christmas gifts for him.

 

Sunday- I got ds ready and took him over to ex's house. The roads were absolutely horrible and we were a couple minutes late but no biggie. Ex and I talked about it and ex told me that I could pick ds up early so that we could get on the road (we had to drive back to Kentucky and the roads were really bad). So I told ex I would go back to my dad's house, pack up and then come pick ds up between 10-11. I got back to ex's house at about 10:15. I went in and said hi to everyone (ex, his wife, their baby, ex's parents, ex's sister, her two kids and a family friend were there). We got ds packed up and ready to go. As we were leaving I heard ex and his family talking about how "starving" they were and deciding whether they should go out to the restaurant ex works at to eat breakfast. WHAT?!? I somehow kept a cool head and didn't go back in and ARGH (UA prevents me from completing that sentence...). Instead I took my little man out to my car. As I was buckling him up he started saying he was really hungry and practically begging me for food greensad.gif angry.gif He said "Matt promised me yesterday he was going to make me a yummy breakfast today but he didn't. I kept asking him for food but he kept telling me no". Are. You. Kidding. Me. Seriously took all the willpower I had to not go back into ex's house. It would not have been a pretty picture. Thankfully I had brought a bunch of food with me (preparing for the long drive) so I fixed ds up a big breakfast and he ate until he couldn't stuff anything else in that little belly of his. I was so pissed off. Seriously- wtf was he thinking not feeding ds?! DS had been up since 6:45. It was 10:30 by the time he got out to my car. He hadn't eaten since about 7:00 the previous night. You let a 7 year old child (who already has feeding issues) go 15 1/2 hours without eating..... because you didn't want to be bothered with making him something YOU PROMISED HIM!?!

 

So.... here's where the question comes in..... it's neglect to not feed the child, right? What he did was neglect? Everything else aside (the lack of carseat, the lack of age appropriate toys/books (the only stuff he had for ds to play with was his 1 year old sons toys..... ds is 7), etc), I am so freaking pissed off about the food. 3 days in a row he refused to feed ds. WTF?!? I sent an email to my lawyer asking her if the Judge would consider that neglect and asking what we should do. I really want to file something to get sole custody with him having supervised visits until he can prove (for an extended period of time) that he can consistently do those visits AND actually care for ds during them (not make me do everything, such as feeding him). I am so pissed off for ds. No child, anywhere, should have to beg for food- especially from a "parent". No child should be told no, they aren't going to get breakfast. I feel like ds's innocence has been broken. He's never had to beg for food. He's never been told no, he couldn't have a meal. guilty.gif

 

Another minor, yet stupid thing.... we were driving home today and ds suddenly said from the backseat "did you know that Santa is Matt's brother?". Ummm.... what? I asked him who told him that and he said "Matt". WTF?!? Why in the world are you telling ds that you are Santa's brother?!? I have protected ex for 7 years. Today was the end of that. I told ds that no, Santa was not Matt's brother. He said "but Matt told me he was". I told him "Well, Matt is lying to you. I don't know why Matt is lying to you but you can ask him that. You know that I always tell you the truth, and the truth is that Santa is not Matt's brother". DS was so sad that Matt lied to him, but I'm not going to let ex tell ds these crazy tales and back him up. Then when ds finds out ex is lying he'll think *I* was lying too. I've always told ds the truth and I don't intend to stop now.

post #88 of 131

hopmad.gifhopmad.gifbawling.gif he is living with a wife and a one year old son. how can he STILL be sooooo heartless. dizzy.gif i just dont get people like him. 

post #89 of 131
Thread Starter 

The fact his whole family was there and NOBODY fed Owen anything really gets to me. How can Chickadee, as a mother, let this child go hungry?!? I can't even imagine!

 

And I know ex feeds the baby because when I brought ds over there Saturday morning ex was feeding the 1 year old a bowl of cheerios. So, apparently, it's just okay to starve my child soapbox.gif

post #90 of 131

that's right. NOBODY!!!! 

 

do you think they might have offered O something and he refused? and so they are like - well we did our best but he refused to eat. 

post #91 of 131

Oh that's HORRIBLE!!!!!!  I was prepared to read something bad, but that's just...WRONG! I cannot imagine doing that to a child! I cannot imagine telling a kid that's hungry NO! UGH! Not to mention all the other people in the room that heard him ask for food, and say that he was hungry- those same people that PROMISED him a big ole breakfast! I hope your lawyer can use this info to bury EX and Chickadee over this. Yuck. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, but it seems that you kept your cool- not something I would have been able to do I don't think.  And really, WTH is he thinking saying that Santa is his brother- that's just stupid (and I never, ever use that word).  He's just got to put himself up on this pedistal(sp) and prove how cool and important he is to O.... yet he can't even meet his basic needs 2 days in a row!

 

I am interested to see what your lawyer has to say over this....  I hope that O's tummy has no ill effects from this. Some kids are so sensative that this could cause problems (my sister would be in big trouble if this happened to her!) and I hope that he never, ever has to go with no food again! Poor O!  My thoughts are with all of you- hope Jason is fine after his results appt...

post #92 of 131
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post

that's right. NOBODY!!!! 

 

do you think they might have offered O something and he refused? and so they are like - well we did our best but he refused to eat. 



I specifically asked Owen "did somebody at Matt's house offer you food but you didn't like it?" and he answered no, that nobody would give him any food.



Quote:
Originally Posted by yarngoddess View Post

I hope that O's tummy has no ill effects from this. Some kids are so sensative that this could cause problems (my sister would be in big trouble if this happened to her!) and I hope that he never, ever has to go with no food again! Poor O!  My thoughts are with all of you- hope Jason is fine after his results appt...

 

 As for Owen.... he'll be fine. Another step back with his feeding progress, but he'll be fine in the long run. I'm going to talk to his feeding therapist and see if she'll be willing to write a letter to the court explaining how bad that is for Owen.

 

As for Jason.... I just got a call from him and his doctor said the masses were just polyps. Yay! However, he has to undergo more testing on Friday (allergy testing- he said they are going to do 70 different allergens) to see if he's allergic to something we didn't know (we know about a lot of his allergies). His doctor said that at this point we'll not do surgery to remove the polyps but instead see if we can get his allergies under control better, which should help (if not then they'll do the surgery). Jason's now on his way to pick up his boss, come back here and get his luggage and then leave for a business trip for the week. He gets back Thursday night.

 

Owen's having a great day because it's a snow day here! No school! And we knew about it last night (they announced it last night) so he got to stay up late watching Christmas movies with Jason and I orngbiggrin.gif
 

post #93 of 131

hug2.gifsteph you seem to have been thru an emotional wringer this past few days with both jason and O.

 

i hope the snow is a harbinger of a great holiday ahead. 

 

i still shake my head at that whole household. i just. dont. get. it. ESPECIALLY when the child is ASKING for food. even if they arent. OMG. 

post #94 of 131
Thread Starter 

Good gracious. I was going through ds's bags that he had brought home from ex's house and found the mysterious "birthday gift" (ya know- the one that ex mailed to ds back in September). It was a dvd that ds has no interest in (ex refused to buy ds the Tinkerbell movie he's been begging for but instead bought him a "boy movie" that ds doesn't want) and a pair of summer pajamas- short sleeve shirt and shorts. In December. Seriously?? Even if he had given it to ds at his birthday (in October) it was too cold then to wear shorts too! And the kicker is that they are too small to save until next summer. A totally useless gift. Why am I not surprised?

 

I just emailed that info to my lawyer too because that proves that ex lied to ds (ex told ds over and over again that he mailed out his birthday gift and "it must have gotten lost in the mail"). So how the heck did it get to ex's house for him to give it to ds?? Seriously, what was the point in lying to ds about it? Why not simply tell him "your birthday present is at my house waiting for you to visit next time"?? Oh, but wait.... it wasn't at his house. It was at ex's sisters house. Because I'm 99% sure she bought it and wrapped it and gave it to ds (ds said that ex's sister gave him the gift after she got to ex's house).

post #95 of 131

Grrr....reading your posts always gets my mama bear hackles up.  Grrrr......I cannot imagine EVER denying a child food!  Ok, maybe when we're in the car for 5 minutes and theres food where we're going - but for 3 HOURS???????  WTF was he thinking????  Oh, thats right, he doesn't think.

 

I'm glad you'll be married by the next time you see that judge. 

 

I thought, that since your ex was actually stepping up to SEE Owen that he might be improving.  Guess I was DEAD WRONG. 

 

I'm glad Jason is OK - although that allergy testing doesn't sound fun.  I hope it goes well.  Did O have fun with Grandpa???

post #96 of 131

Honestly... how hard is it to give a kid some food?  I don't understand this guy's staunch refusal to feed your child anything... especially after promising him a big special breakfast, of all things!

post #97 of 131
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post
Did O have fun with Grandpa???


Yes! Owen had a great time with Grandpa, though the visits always end too soon for the two of them. They'll have a blast at the end of this month when they get 9 days without mama around winky.gif  During ex's call last night he asked ds what ds's favorite part of the weekend was and started asking "was it when you got to come to my house? Was it when we x, y, z" and started listing things. DS said "no, my favorite part of the weekend was when I got to bake with Grandpa". LMAO! Ex was all "oh, okay then". orngtongue.gif

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLotus View Post

Honestly... how hard is it to give a kid some food?  I don't understand this guy's staunch refusal to feed your child anything... especially after promising him a big special breakfast, of all things!



And that's the stupid thing is if he hadn't promised ds the big special breakfast then I would have just fed ds that morning. It's not a big deal, we were in the car for almost an hour traveling to ex's house anyway. It wouldn't have been a big deal to give him a breakfast to eat in the car on the way to ex's house. But ex specifically told ds that he was going to make him breakfast, so I didn't bother. Why he feels the need to promise things to ds that he has no intention of following through on, I don't know. But I can tell you that I really did go into this weekend with my mind open, hoping ex had changed. It's obvious that he hasn't and he still has absolutely no parenting skills at all.

post #98 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post
Did O have fun with Grandpa???


Yes! Owen had a great time with Grandpa, though the visits always end too soon for the two of them. They'll have a blast at the end of this month when they get 9 days without mama around winky.gif  During ex's call last night he asked ds what ds's favorite part of the weekend was and started asking "was it when you got to come to my house? Was it when we x, y, z" and started listing things. DS said "no, my favorite part of the weekend was when I got to bake with Grandpa". LMAO! Ex was all "oh, okay then". orngtongue.gif



Man, kids really know whats up don't they??  Good for Owen!  I'm glad he had fun with Grandpa - grandparents are so awesome when kids have good ones.

 

I wonder, (and I only have an almost 2yo, and I have ZERO experience with autistic children so forgive me if this is WAY off!!!) can you start teaching O how to make sandwiches and stuff so that next time he's at his "dad's" house he can just go into the kitchen and help himself???  I mean, IF the judge orders unsupervised time, which I think is a BIG if.  That doesn't solve the problem if O is too shy in a strangers house to just help himself, but maybe if he went into the kitchen opening the fridge and cabinets someone would help him out and feed him next time?

post #99 of 131
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post
Did O have fun with Grandpa???


Yes! Owen had a great time with Grandpa, though the visits always end too soon for the two of them. They'll have a blast at the end of this month when they get 9 days without mama around winky.gif  During ex's call last night he asked ds what ds's favorite part of the weekend was and started asking "was it when you got to come to my house? Was it when we x, y, z" and started listing things. DS said "no, my favorite part of the weekend was when I got to bake with Grandpa". LMAO! Ex was all "oh, okay then". orngtongue.gif



Man, kids really know whats up don't they??  Good for Owen!  I'm glad he had fun with Grandpa - grandparents are so awesome when kids have good ones.

 

I wonder, (and I only have an almost 2yo, and I have ZERO experience with autistic children so forgive me if this is WAY off!!!) can you start teaching O how to make sandwiches and stuff so that next time he's at his "dad's" house he can just go into the kitchen and help himself???  I mean, IF the judge orders unsupervised time, which I think is a BIG if.  That doesn't solve the problem if O is too shy in a strangers house to just help himself, but maybe if he went into the kitchen opening the fridge and cabinets someone would help him out and feed him next time?


That's a good idea, but the kitchen is "off limits". It has a baby gate in the doorway (to keep the 1 year old out). On Saturday when we were there ex was showing ds around the house. When they got to the kitchen ex told ds "that's the kitchen but since there's a gate up then no kids can go in there. That means you too". I wouldn't want to teach ds to climb the gate or open the gate, as that's just asking for ex to "punish" or "discipline" ds for disobeying him. So basically the kitchen and all food is kept out of ds's reach, even though he's 7- he's not an infant! Ex told him that the master bedroom was off limits (ds asked where his computer is because ex had told him he has a computer- ex told him "it's in my bedroom, but kids aren't allowed in there"), the entire upstairs was off limits and the kitchen was off limits. So basically there was an L shaped area with the tv, a couch, the baby's toys, a bathroom, and a dining room table that ds was "allowed" in. 

post #100 of 131

I'm glad that O's tummy is no worse....this time. Imagine if this visit had been all day? Or longer than 3 hours! I think getting a letter from you feeding therapist would be FABULOUS- and would really be beneficial to the court, because that's an expert opinion that they will recognize. The whole thing just sucks :(  I hope things change, quickly after you get married and he's suddenly hit with the added CS, Medical Bills, Insurance.  Ugh, you are all in my prayers/good thoughts.  Glad that Jason is not in a really bad place today! Allergy testing sucks, but hopefully it will help him get better!

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