I want a second one. How can I make it a more positive experience this time?

[youngspiritmom]

DS 1 was not planned for DH and I. We had just gotten married, were still in school, and I was (am) soooo young!

It was really hard for me. When I POS and saw the pregnancy test, I felt a feeling of fear, doom, out of control, my whole life is changing. All my plans had to change. We couldn't study abroad (we had just both received full rides to go to another continent for a year), and I had to study with a baby, and never got to do all the cool stuff my friends were doing. I felt so embarrassed at times walking around class and going to campus. I was the only pregnant person I saw or know. It was so hard. I actually enjoyed being pregnant, but just felt more like I was doing what I had to do, rather than really getting to enjoy that phase of my life.

Skip to now...I love DS. Love him. He is a joy. I have adjusted. He is the apple of my eye. Those feelings toward unexpected pregnancy etc. have NOT transferred to my feelings towards him.

We really want another one soon, but I am afraid that if I finally conceive and see the pregnancy test, I will have the same feelings. I'm scared that I will feel that pregnancy has gotten me, not that I have gotten pregnant.

I really want to enjoy it this time. I want to LOVE my positive pregnancy test, enjoy the pregnancy, do all the cute expectant-mom things, and not have others pity me etc. this time.

I hope that made sense. I need advice and tips about how to let the old experience go and how to hopefully make the second experience memorable and enjoyable.

Thanks Mommas I love you girls

[musicoholic]

You know what honey?  I think you answered your own question.  You already want it - which has made it a different experience right from the get-go.  Having something just appear in your life without warning (I know, my DS did the same to us!) is completely different to make the conscious decision that you want it to happen.  I'm in the same boat - I'm still a little anxious about seeing a ....  but I know it's what I want this time    All the best!!  ♥

[vtechmom]

 In a weird way I'm exactly where you are right now, just many years later. 

I got my first BFP at 18yrs old and was 19 when my son was born.  I so completely understand the feelings you are talking about.  The looks, and the pity, and people not knowing what to say when you told them (definitely no one saying "congratulations"), having to defend your decision, your ability to parent, etc.  I even went through it again two years later.

We actually did get married but divorced soon afterwards and I swore I was done with kids.  Now, 6 years post-divorce, I'm with a terrific guy for the last 5 years and we are talking about adding to the family.  I actually just got my IUD out last month! 

There will be at least a 9 year gap between my 2nd and my 3rd.  This time around I've done everything "right", got the house, and the steady job, and we are actually planning, and you know what?  I'm still super nervous!  I actually had a mini breakdown the other night because I so dread this not being a happy event since that is my only personal point of reference for being pregnant.  I had to make my partner swear upside and sideways that he would be excited when we got a positive, that it really would be good news, that it is actually something we want and won't be viewed as a mistake.

I actually don't know if I have a ton of advice.  I know in my case I'm getting to the point where I think I just need to experience it for myself.  I try to read a lot of the TTC forums, even though at this point I'm not charting, just kinda taking a wait and see approach.  I try and catch the excitement from the women posting here and to remember that this really can be something that is terrific right from the start.  I think you just have to remember that this is a different pregnancy and you are not the same person you were before your son was born. 

Best of luck to you!

[youngspiritmom]

musicoholic, i really appreciate your loving words. it helps me see this whole situation in a more positive way.

vtechmom, thank you soooooooo much for that post. It almost made me cry that you GET me exactly. I had the exact same experience with people reacting. I think their reactions caused me to think I did something wrong or that I guess I should feel negative about it too. This time I am going to focus all on the positive when I get pregnant. I think we both deserve to enjoy these pregnancies and seeing that positive sign on the pregnancy test! Thanks for helping me feel not so alone. I really appreciate it. Love to you and your family. 

[Shanesmom]

I would think that every pregnancy would be different emotionally and physically because with each one you are in a different place in your life. It sounds like you are in a good one!!

Best of luck for you!